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Is it possible for a guy to just be friend with a girl?


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Old 2nd October 2011, 9:55 PM   #1
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Is it possible for a guy to just be friend with a girl?

I know, this question has been asked over and over again. I was a firm believer that the answer is yes. But today's experience confused me.

A very old friend drove me home today, and he told me that he really likes me and wants to be more than just friends. what I found disturbing is that a year ago, he told me that he likes me and I made clear that he is only a friend to me. I though he got over it and things were on the right track but apparently no. just for more clarifications: i am really not the type of people who will take advantages of other people and get free rides. He totally shocked me when he came just to drive me home and I was worried that he might make some romantic declarations(which indeed happened). We never flirted, never had any kind of physical contacts and I just treat him like any good friends.

We are close in the sense that we are good friends, he knows a lot about me.

I am deeply sadden by the fact that we would probably never talk to each other again if he is not able to get over it because I am not comfortable hanging out with people who are interested in me when I know clearly that I am not interested to date them.

I know this person for over 10 years and it rly hurts me that I have to be cold and take my distance.

I don't even know if it's worth it to become close with any guy at all since it seems to always end that way. (a male friend that I am less close with stopped talking to me after a mutual consensus that it would be the best solution for him to forget me)
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Old 2nd October 2011, 11:39 PM   #2
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If youre good looking, no you cant. Why dont you just hang out with women? Most likely, if a guy wants to hang out with you and hes single, he likes you romantically. If a man is single, and he tells you in the beginning that he is into you, then he will always be into you until he gets you. Are you at a shortage of friends, that you need to try to force men that like you into platonic relationships?

Last edited by Eddie Edirol; 2nd October 2011 at 11:42 PM..
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Old 2nd October 2011, 11:55 PM   #3
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Yeah guys and girls can be friends. If you want another girlfriend get a girl to be it though. A guy is a guy and you’ll have to have boundaries if you want to maintain a friendship. The same way same sex friendships aren’t necessarily for ever things can happen with opposite sex friends.
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Old 3rd October 2011, 1:41 AM   #4
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I say no, absolutely not. I have never in my life had a male friend that did not want to get me into bed.
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Old 3rd October 2011, 1:35 PM   #5
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In some instances, they can indeed. But in my case, it's always turned out for the worse. And it was worse on my end because I thought of her as my best friend.
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Old 6th October 2011, 11:44 PM   #6
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I am not short of friends it's just due to my personality I always have more male friends. female friends are either competitive, or busy with their bf or gossiping abt things that I don't care abt. and my close female friends are very busy with work/school.
and
I do maintain my boundaries very clearly, I don't even accept any flirty/sexual msg from my male friends because I know that if i am not interested at beginning i will never be interested so i might as well to make things clear

outlaw: really? I thought that only happens to women. didn't know that guys have the same prob too
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Old 7th October 2011, 1:35 AM   #7
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My friend is proving himself to be right about, yes a man can be friends with a girl without liking her. Even if the girl is head over heels for him.

In short: I like my friend, he doesn't like me... :''''(
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Old 7th October 2011, 5:50 PM   #8
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Yes, men and women can be just friends. As long as the guy's thinking with the big head instead of the little one, and you're both on the same "just friends" page, it should be fine.
From personal experience, most of my closer and longer lasting friends have been girls. It wasn't by design, it just happened that way. Naturally, I've been to a few weddings.
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Old 7th October 2011, 9:00 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jeffinthecity View Post
Yes, men and women can be just friends. As long as the guy's thinking with the big head instead of the little one, and you're both on the same "just friends" page, it should be fine.
From personal experience, most of my closer and longer lasting friends have been girls. It wasn't by design, it just happened that way. Naturally, I've been to a few weddings.
romance, love and relationships starts in the "big head", so your answer makes little to no sense. relationships aren't solely based off thinking with the "little head". neither is liking someone.
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Old 7th October 2011, 11:04 PM   #10
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It's your loss...

Quote:
Originally Posted by dizy View Post
I know, this question has been asked over and over again. I was a firm believer that the answer is yes. But today's experience confused me.

A very old friend drove me home today, and he told me that he really likes me and wants to be more than just friends. what I found disturbing is that a year ago, he told me that he likes me and I made clear that he is only a friend to me. I though he got over it and things were on the right track but apparently no. just for more clarifications: i am really not the type of people who will take advantages of other people and get free rides. He totally shocked me when he came just to drive me home and I was worried that he might make some romantic declarations(which indeed happened). We never flirted, never had any kind of physical contacts and I just treat him like any good friends.

We are close in the sense that we are good friends, he knows a lot about me.

I am deeply sadden by the fact that we would probably never talk to each other again if he is not able to get over it because I am not comfortable hanging out with people who are interested in me when I know clearly that I am not interested to date them.

I know this person for over 10 years and it rly hurts me that I have to be cold and take my distance.

I don't even know if it's worth it to become close with any guy at all since it seems to always end that way. (a male friend that I am less close with stopped talking to me after a mutual consensus that it would be the best solution for him to forget me)
You're very naive to think any guy would settle for being "just friends."

What would you have to lose getting emotionally closer to a close guy friend?
Haven't you heard the best dating relationships come from people who already know each other well?

"Best friends" during a moment of emotional closeness in great, bonding conversation, frequently discover they're "right" for each other and take their relationship to a new level.
You could discover the real love of your life through one of them.

Perhaps it's better for him not to see you.

He sees a future but no, you know better and "just know" (from hunches, not reality) it'd never work...

Quote:
I am deeply sadden by the fact that we would probably never talk to each other again if he is not able to get over it because I am not comfortable hanging out with people who are interested in me when I know clearly that I am not interested to date them.
But women like you have no problem going for the "bad boys" when you have 2 good ones at your side and willing....

Seems to be a pattern with you.
One day you may regret after you've had your "run...."
Older, in your 40s, your looks will be gone and so will those "bad boys...."
Those close guy friends -- the ones that really know you, would be loyal and never mistreat you -- they may look a lot better ...
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Last edited by Floridaman; 7th October 2011 at 11:22 PM..
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Old 8th October 2011, 6:46 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dizy View Post
I know, this question has been asked over and over again. I was a firm believer that the answer is yes. But today's experience confused me.

A very old friend drove me home today, and he told me that he really likes me and wants to be more than just friends. what I found disturbing is that a year ago, he told me that he likes me and I made clear that he is only a friend to me. I though he got over it and things were on the right track but apparently no.

Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy do people continue to dispute reality?


Single, heterosexual, similar-aged males have ZERO INTEREST in merely being "friends" with a heterosexual woman when those males don't SEE THEMSELVES as being in-line for her romantic affections. This does not always apply to coworker-in-the-workplace interactions and family-created interactions.

Even non-single males tend to want to keep one or two in the bullpen inappropriately so.



Just write it down, commit it to memory, and stop listening to these clowns who pretent that reality is any different.
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Old 8th October 2011, 6:59 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by SincereOnlineGuy View Post
Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy do people continue to dispute reality?


Single, heterosexual, similar-aged males have ZERO INTEREST in merely being "friends" with a heterosexual woman when those males don't SEE THEMSELVES as being in-line for her romantic affections. This does not always apply to coworker-in-the-workplace interactions and family-created interactions.

Even non-single males tend to want to keep one or two in the bullpen inappropriately so.



Just write it down, commit it to memory, and stop listening to these clowns who pretent that reality is any different.
So then, is my friend gay?
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Old 8th October 2011, 9:35 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by Sue McDonald View Post
Yes one of my best friends is a married guy. I am married also and there would never be anything going on. I know his family and he knows mine. The reason we are such good friends is because during our careers we have studied a lot of the same type of things.

It is more an intellectual thing I guess. If we are meeting for a coffee, both his wife and my husband are well aware of it.

We brainstorm together and try and help each other out.
Relationships start intellectually.
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Old 8th October 2011, 10:20 PM   #14
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Too many people say NO to this but what about my childhood male friend. He liked another girl at work and only sees me as a friend or sister.

According to my mother, as a joke my guy friend's mother told him ''You know, maybe you and C (me) should start dating'' and he responded ''No mom, I only see her as a sister, I can't see her in another way''.

Same here.. it would be weird if we were dating. He's just like a brother to me.
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Old 8th October 2011, 10:49 PM   #15
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Yes, men and women can be just friends if you share interests. If you don't share interests, there's no point in having a friend of any gender since you're going to be stuck for topics to discuss. If a guy is trying to befriend you with no common interests, most often he's interested in being more than friends.

Talking about relationships, sex, emotions, all these topics are part of the danger zone for cross-gender friendships. Maintain boundaries and you'll be fine.
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