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What Kind of a freind is this?


breadandbutter

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breadandbutter

Hi I reconnected with an old friend 10 years after university via facebook , one of the only handful of single people I know back in the UK. From the time I knew her from uni she was heavility into smoking pot and had a string of boyfriends, she wore unusual clothes and heavy make up, most normal guys I knew avoided her. We decided to book a clubbing holiday together. She told me she had changed after going on a personal development course, but this did not seem so. Although she was fun at times, i felt negative energy around her, she told me she had a lot of family issues from her brother beating her up and she still living at home with folks as she just been made redundant.

 

During the holiday she was like a social vampire she continually whined about her ex and to a point where I could not take it any more. I told her to chill have a good time and find someone else to get over him. She did just that, but the turning point came when she pulled a guy whom himself and his freind shared their drinks with us spent more time talking to me then to her, she was pissed off and made an issue out of it with me. I told her I didnt care and would speak to whomever I wished to. Her response was when we are out we follow 'girls rules' if I find a guy, you are not to speak with him' I said this was the most absurd thing I have ever heard, we are both 32 by the way, I have spent a lot of time travelling around the world my self and will certainly not go by this rule, but to keep the peace i did so.

 

On another occasion we did not get into a club because she was taking so long to get ready and we turned up late, she started crying like a child, it was embarrasing, I said lets just go elsewhere. We did just that and she made an exhibition of herself by crying and dancing to get her emotions out..more like attention seeking I thought. She also found a spliff and started smoking it, clearly this self improvement course has not helped. I was more annoyed when she said I was introverted and got my way when I said I couldnt go to another nightclub she wanted to go to because it was expensive and I was running out of money, she also said i was insecure and needed to go this self improvement course. Right at the end of the holiday she was asking me for money because she had spent it all on alcohol

 

I have avoided her since the holiday becasue I feel shes dragging me down. She since wanted to go again to the same destination, but I said I couldnt go because I had found a job and needed to work, I told her to go on her own. She knew a freind out there and did just that, she went to all the places we didnt go to first time around, and now I feel like she is bragging. In fact shes not supposed to even be going on holiday as shes reciveing unemplyment benefits from the state....how do I deal with someone with this jackyl and hyde yo yo personality??

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I bet there was a reason that you and she drifted apart in the first place. Sounds like she's a little nutty and alot selfish. I'd slowly remove myself from her life while being nice and polite so as not to start some immature war with her. She sounds like she is the type big on drama.

 

Good luck!

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...how do I deal with someone with this jackyl and hyde yo yo personality??

 

Stop returning her calls and hope it'll fizzle out that way.

 

If she demands an explanation as to why contact is dying out between you you could say something like "you just seem to have an awful lot going on in your life and I'm afraid I don't want to deal with it."

 

If you have to resort to that you'll almost certainly get a load of manipulative, guilt-tripping, woe is me, you don't know what I've been through you're such a horrible person etc etc. It's how those who endlessly gravitate towards drama tend to function. If you don't feel able to just brush it off, you can always offload about it on here.

 

Good luck!

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