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Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

Old 11th September 2011, 5:21 PM   #61
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Originally Posted by Kamille View Post
Exactly! It took me a long time to understand why anyone would feel the need to compete with me, especially when it came to men. I used to be quite the wallflower and I was clueless about flirting. But I also had every other area of my life pretty much figured out. It was almost like these friends hung on dearly to the fact that at least, I wasn't competition when it came to men.

But what I found/find most frustrating about this competitive aspect is that my friends who are like that are even in denial about "competing". They usually construct themselves as "harmless". It's really hard to describe. They think others compete with them. It's recently stopped bothering me, and now doesn't rile me up as much, for one simple reason: I do have a lot of things going for me. I now see it for what it is: insecurity.
Insecurity is always at the root of people like this. I completely get the harmless comment. These are the same people that don't ever see anything as being their fault- which is why it's near impossible to confront them on anything.

Confronting this girl on her behaviour would only serve to cause me more drama. She'd deny it and say it was harmless, then she would use my accusation to turn herself into the victim and use that as a reason to justify creating more issues with me.

It's just weird to have people build up this competition thing in their own head.

I had a "friend" in my college program that was a pathological liar- along with being "one of those girls". She once told everyone behind my back that she'd always hear me purging after I ate in the bathroom. A complete and utter lie that almost got me kicked out of my program because I was in a Child and Youth Work program. I got hauled into the Program Director's office and questioned by my prof's because apparantly my "friend" had come to them with concern over my health. THAT'S HOW HORRIBLE SOME WOMEN CAN ACTUALLY BE.
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Old 11th September 2011, 7:58 PM   #62
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You know what? I'm torn about that. I did warm up to him and we were getting along well- but when Donna came over and was paying him all these compliments and giving him so much attention, I could tell he enjoyed the ego boost just a little. I could tell he was uncomfortable because he kept looking at me. I know it's not his fault but I got turned off.
Actually it IS partially his fault. He could have told her, Sorry, can't really talk to you, I'm talking to your friend right now.

Yes, we all have a friend or two like this.

I remember having a huge crush on a guy at school, and my so called friend purposely went for him right after I told her i liked him. She made out in front of me too, looking at me as she would kiss him. Bleech!

Another time in high school, she tried to make a move on my boyfriend, asked him out, though he did say no. Thank GOD..lol
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Old 12th September 2011, 9:00 PM   #63
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Actually it IS partially his fault. He could have told her, Sorry, can't really talk to you, I'm talking to your friend right now.

Yes, we all have a friend or two like this.

I remember having a huge crush on a guy at school, and my so called friend purposely went for him right after I told her i liked him. She made out in front of me too, looking at me as she would kiss him. Bleech!

Another time in high school, she tried to make a move on my boyfriend, asked him out, though he did say no. Thank GOD..lol
Having friends like these give me anxiety! I actually met a few of the girls after work for dinner tonight- minus Donna and her sidekick that have known one another since grade school.

It was pretty enlightening. All the girls have experienced this at one point or another. There reasoning for keep her around is of course the mutual friend that they do like and have fun with.

My birthday is coming up and we are trying to figure out what to do and how to exclude Donna without being obvious or cruel. I don't want her coming out to my b-day though.

Here's the best part after what transpired after I left... Donna apparantly told this guy I am anorexic and "everyone is concerned about me'... She's said this to the girls already behind my back. I'm 5'7" and 120lbs- hardly anorexic, just a lot thinner than SHE is. I guess this guy told his friend (who is dating one of the girls I like) and got an earfull of what Donna is all about.

I'm still all about why this guy didn't offer to walk me to my car- it was a perfect opportunity.

Most of these people- including this guy will probably be coming out for my b-day and the girls and bringing their bf's and my other gf said her bf is probably going to want to bring him out. Maybe it will be a second opportunity to talk to him and get a different perspective.
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Old 13th September 2011, 8:18 AM   #64
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I can't believe she's telling people you're anorexic and she's concerned. It's pretty obvious she's jealous of you and her way of dealing with that is to construct herself as "having it all together" and to construct you as somehow deficient and in need of help. Is it possible she also crashed your beach convo because she falsely believed she was protecting that guy from getting involved with you? As in, it wasn't so much to flirt with him, but to make sure he didn't fall for you? It would all make sense, she's jealous, is grasping at straws to feel superior, convinces herself and then gets to helicopter in to warn people about you, hence making her feel like she has control over you.
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Old 13th September 2011, 9:00 AM   #65
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I've only read the OP and a couple of responses so I don't know whether my point is still revelant:

Guys experience this as well because there are men that try to take another man's woman just because they are competitive, an example is guys that enjoy dating married men because they like having sex with someone else's wife.

don't give that guy a hard time, he probably didn't know how friendly you were with Donna and how to shake her off. He would not have wanted to come across impolite. Give him a chance
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Old 13th September 2011, 10:21 AM   #66
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Originally Posted by Kamille View Post
I can't believe she's telling people you're anorexic and she's concerned. It's pretty obvious she's jealous of you and her way of dealing with that is to construct herself as "having it all together" and to construct you as somehow deficient and in need of help. Is it possible she also crashed your beach convo because she falsely believed she was protecting that guy from getting involved with you? As in, it wasn't so much to flirt with him, but to make sure he didn't fall for you? It would all make sense, she's jealous, is grasping at straws to feel superior, convinces herself and then gets to helicopter in to warn people about you, hence making her feel like she has control over you.

Very good description Kamille.....

Sounds to me like this woman crossed the line into blatant sabotage, with the anorexia comment.....sheesh........

I'm really surprised she hasn't been booted out of the circle of friends yet, if she's pulled this crap with others, too........

Oh, and somewhat OT----Happy Upcoming Birthday, D!!!!
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Old 13th September 2011, 9:46 PM   #67
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Originally Posted by Kamille View Post
I can't believe she's telling people you're anorexic and she's concerned. It's pretty obvious she's jealous of you and her way of dealing with that is to construct herself as "having it all together" and to construct you as somehow deficient and in need of help. Is it possible she also crashed your beach convo because she falsely believed she was protecting that guy from getting involved with you? As in, it wasn't so much to flirt with him, but to make sure he didn't fall for you? It would all make sense, she's jealous, is grasping at straws to feel superior, convinces herself and then gets to helicopter in to warn people about you, hence making her feel like she has control over you.
That's the feeling I get myself- especially after talking to the girls about it at dinner. I also thinks she hates that I make people laugh when we're in a group- that's something else that takes the attention off of her. I think being "the new girl" immediately put a target on my back. I definitely think it's a way of asserting control- letting me know who's boss!

I'm just trying to distance myself from her. It just sucks to know that women in their late 30's still act like this.


Quote:
Originally Posted by freestyle View Post
Very good description Kamille.....

Sounds to me like this woman crossed the line into blatant sabotage, with the anorexia comment.....sheesh........

I'm really surprised she hasn't been booted out of the circle of friends yet, if she's pulled this crap with others, too........

Oh, and somewhat OT----Happy Upcoming Birthday, D!!!!
Thanks- it's not until October 7th I don't normally do anything for my b-day, so it's nice to actually have a new social group that likes to acknowledge things like this. All my old social group are married with kids and so wrapped up in their families that I rarely see them. I've been pretty isolated for the past 3 years.

I think the only reason people put up with her is because her childhood friend (who is a wallflower) is someone all the other girls really like and have become close to- so they come as a package deal unfortunately.

I found out Donna has a kid from a previous marriage that lives with her exH and new wife. Funny thing is she's never talked about her kid in front of me! Just another red flag about her.

I might have been on the thin side when I met her- but I had just been dumped and I lost some weight rapidly. I've since put back on some weight. I was never "too thin" looking even at 115lbs. For someone that doesn't know you very well to spread a rumour that you're an anorexic is just plain mean.

The good thing is that beach guy got an earful from his buddy about what kind of girl Donna is. I'll see how things go on my b-day if we all don't go out again before that. I might be in a better frame of mind to get to know him the next time when this whole recent contact and meeting with my ex thing has passed.
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