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Everyone knows a girl like this....


Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

Old 3rd September 2011, 8:54 PM   #1
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Everyone knows a girl like this....

I went down to the beach with some friends today. There is a particular girl that I just want to strangle sometimes. She knows all about my recent break up, what I've been through in the recent months- how heart broken and lonely I've been- and she's been supportive and kind (which I appreciate).

However, she always has to be the center of attention, if the spotlight goes off of her- she places herself back in it.

She has a bf, been with him for 2 years. One of my friends bf brought a pack of guys with him, one of them really caught my eye. Everyone else was in couples- except for my one gf whose bf couldn't come because he was working.

So, this guy takes an interest in me and starts talking to me- we chat, go for a walk, take a swim together.... All of the girls were super happy for me...Except for one.

This girl literally came up to us while we were sitting on a blanket and sat in a triangle formation with us. It felt like she was actually trying to place herself in between us! Before I know it she's flirting with him, even touches his arm to feel his bicep and pulls her bikini top over a smidge to ask him if she looks like she's getting burned. She talked over me and just generally made a point of asking everything about him... It made things incredibly uncomfortable. It was obvious and intentional and I'm pissed off.

There were plenty of other single guys there she could have used to boost her ego- why infringe on something positive that's happening to me?

I have only known her for about 4 months, and I've recognized that she overcompensates because she's insecure- but this just turned me off of her bigtime.

I ended saying I had to go home and let my dogs out because I just didn't want to be involved in the drama. Another girl text me to ask if I left because of Donna. I didn't say anything because I am newer in the friend group. She said the guy had asked for my number from her and was it okay to give it to him.

You know what? I'm torn about that. I did warm up to him and we were getting along well- but when Donna came over and was paying him all these compliments and giving him so much attention, I could tell he enjoyed the ego boost just a little. I could tell he was uncomfortable because he kept looking at me. I know it's not his fault but I got turned off.

I have known so many girls like this in my life- my former best friend was just like this and I put up with it for years. She was fine as long as there wasn't any men around- if there was, look out (especially if he showed any interest in me).

The funny thing is- guys don't have any clue as to this type of female trait- other females understand and relate... But to try and explain a woman like this to a guy? They can't relate and usually think you're making a big deal out of something that is nothing.

I don't know what to do- a few of these girls have known each other a lot longer than I have known them. I don't want to start any drama.
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Old 3rd September 2011, 9:09 PM   #2
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It was obvious and intentional and I'm pissed off.
Is there any specific reason why she came came between you and the guy? Why would she sabotage what you had going on with him? And why would she do that even though she has a boyfriend? You'd think a friend want you to be happy right? Then why sabotage it?
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Old 3rd September 2011, 9:11 PM   #3
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Hey D - I hear ya on those type of women, but I can also understand your desire to avoid the drama that type inevitably cause.
You mentioned being a little turned off because the man seemed to enjoy the ego boost provided by the other woman. I don't know if you should judge that too harshly. Most people appreciate a little extra attention, and the two of you had just met. He was also in an awkward position and may have felt stuck. It would have been rude for him to tell her to buzz off even though he may have wanted to.
If you felt a connection, why not give him a chance? There's no guarantee that it will turn into anything serious, or that you'll even like him when you get to know him more. But don't let the attention-seeking ploys of this woman cause you to shy away from dating someone you find interesting.
Maybe when you feel more established in the group you can tell her where to get off. Chances are you aren't the only one she's done this to, and I'd be willing to bet other people also see and are affected by her inconsiderate and obnoxious behaviour.
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Old 3rd September 2011, 9:24 PM   #4
 
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Originally Posted by Nexus One View Post
Is there any specific reason why she came came between you and the guy? Why would she sabotage what you had going on with him? And why would she do that even though she has a boyfriend? You'd think a friend want you to be happy right? Then why sabotage it?
I think D answered all your why's in her initial post.
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Old 3rd September 2011, 9:26 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by Nexus One View Post
Is there any specific reason why she came came between you and the guy? Why would she sabotage what you had going on with him? And why would she do that even though she has a boyfriend? You'd think a friend want you to be happy right? Then why sabotage it?
This is what I meant when I said that men don't understand some types of female behaviour. " It seems unrealistic, I must be misreading what happened, maybe exaggerating, must have been some misunderstanding..."

I'll give you another example of an encounter with a female like this.

I'd be out with my ex best friend- she'd usually get the bulk of the male attention because she was very beautiful. If there was a night we were out and I seemed to be getting the attention (for a change), she would either step in between myself and the guy I was talking to and try and put the attention on herself- or get mad that someone was actually paying attention to me instead of her (for a change) and angrily demand we go home.

Most females would relate to this kind of frenemy- but for men, it's hard to understand. It's someone that always has to be in the spotlight.
I was in the spotlight that day on the beach beacause everyone was rooting for me to get together with this guy because they all knew I'd been through some hard times. For this girl, I stole her spotlight and attention- so she had to place herself back in the spotlight.
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Old 3rd September 2011, 9:40 PM   #6
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Hey D - I hear ya on those type of women, but I can also understand your desire to avoid the drama that type inevitably cause.
You mentioned being a little turned off because the man seemed to enjoy the ego boost provided by the other woman. I don't know if you should judge that too harshly. Most people appreciate a little extra attention, and the two of you had just met. He was also in an awkward position and may have felt stuck. It would have been rude for him to tell her to buzz off even though he may have wanted to.
If you felt a connection, why not give him a chance? There's no guarantee that it will turn into anything serious, or that you'll even like him when you get to know him more. But don't let the attention-seeking ploys of this woman cause you to shy away from dating someone you find interesting.
Maybe when you feel more established in the group you can tell her where to get off. Chances are you aren't the only one she's done this to, and I'd be willing to bet other people also see and are affected by her inconsiderate and obnoxious behaviour.
I might, I felt like an idiot in the end though. The one girl that connected me to this group wasn't there today, but she's told me Donna is an attention seeker. If someone has a bad story- she has a worse one, if someone has done something outrageous, she's done something more outrageous, if someone has accomplished something, she's accomplished something far greater....

I talked to her tonight- and she said she's done it to all of them at one point or another but Donna and one of the other girls have been friends since childhood.

You'd think a 38 year old woman would have left highschool insecurities behind, but apparantly not.

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I think D answered all your why's in her initial post.
See Jo, I think you are one of the rare men out there that does understand the psychology behind this female behaviour.
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Old 3rd September 2011, 9:57 PM   #7
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I think D answered all your why's in her initial post.
No, because she said she noticed her friend overcompensates due to being insecure and she wants to be the center of attention, but that doesn't answer the questions I wrote down.

Because even if you overcompensate for insecurity and even if you want to be the center of attention, then that still doesn't explain why you would go so far to sabotage the happiness of a friend, that goes too far. On top of that her friend did it while she has a boyfriend.

Hence I couldn't make sense of it.

Quote:
I'd be out with my ex best friend- she'd usually get the bulk of the male attention because she was very beautiful. If there was a night we were out and I seemed to be getting the attention (for a change), she would either step in between myself and the guy I was talking to and try and put the attention on herself- or get mad that someone was actually paying attention to me instead of her (for a change) and angrily demand we go home.
Quote:
See Jo, I think you are one of the rare men out there that does understand the psychology behind this female behaviour.
I understand the "wanting to be the center of attention" part of it, what I don't understand is that she'd go so far to sabotage your happiness while she knows what you've been through. And do it while she has a boyfriend.

That's what I didn't get about it.

Last edited by Nexus One; 3rd September 2011 at 10:00 PM..
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Old 3rd September 2011, 10:03 PM   #8
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my former 'best friend' that is now with my ex is like this


throughout high school if he even saw me talking to a girl he would put forth the effort to hit on her and proceed to date her for a short time. the relationships never lasted very long but I would not date a friends ex or an ex's friend, nor would I hit on a girl that I thought a friend liked.


it's not just girls, some guys are like this too.... or Jon is just very feminine in that sense
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Old 3rd September 2011, 10:16 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by Nexus One View Post
I understand the "wanting to be the center of attention" part of it, what I don't understand is that she'd go so far to sabotage your happiness while she knows what you've been through. And do it while she has a boyfriend.

That's what I didn't get about it.
There's not much to get. This chick is a one upper... Why would she give a flying you-know-what? Not only has she been through MUCH worst, but also she hasn't known D very long anyway, right? Could have been hundreds of better looking, single guys on that beach. Wouldn't have mattered, D was getting all kinds of attention and one on one time with a guy from the group. That CAN'T happen. I've known lots of girls like this.

I agree 100% with Finch. Give him a shot, he was put in an awkward position. Obviously his interest was in you, not her. Also, I'm sure he realizes she has a bf whom he probably knows. How much drama would have come from telling her to buzz off? I'm sure she'd be whining to her bf about how so-and-so was being a d*** to her. Blah.
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Old 3rd September 2011, 10:33 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by Nexus One View Post
No, because she said she noticed her friend overcompensates due to being insecure and she wants to be the center of attention, but that doesn't answer the questions I wrote down.

Because even if you overcompensate for insecurity and even if you want to be the center of attention, then that still doesn't explain why you would go so far to sabotage the happiness of a friend, that goes too far. On top of that her friend did it while she has a boyfriend.

Hence I couldn't make sense of it.

I understand the "wanting to be the center of attention" part of it, what I don't understand is that she'd go so far to sabotage your happiness while she knows what you've been through. And do it while she has a boyfriend.

That's what I didn't get about it.
Because being the center of attention means more to people like this than a friends happiness. I don't think she consciously sabotaged things- just didn't like being out of the spotlight and has an inherent need to be the one everyone focuses on all the time. In her head she was thinking "omg, everyone is happy for d-lish, everyone is focusing on d-lish today and not me- how do I get back into the spotlight?"

A girl like this is only validated when she is in the spotlight. If I am getting attention, she gets angry and jealous and makes a point of putting herself back in the center of attention. Doesn't matter that it might hurt me, she doesn't see it as hurting me, she's only thinking of herself and ways to validate her own ego.
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Old 3rd September 2011, 10:45 PM   #11
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There's not much to get. This chick is a one upper... Why would she give a flying you-know-what? Not only has she been through MUCH worst, but also she hasn't known D very long anyway, right? Could have been hundreds of better looking, single guys on that beach. Wouldn't have mattered, D was getting all kinds of attention and one on one time with a guy from the group. That CAN'T happen. I've known lots of girls like this.

I agree 100% with Finch. Give him a shot, he was put in an awkward position. Obviously his interest was in you, not her. Also, I'm sure he realizes she has a bf whom he probably knows. How much drama would have come from telling her to buzz off? I'm sure she'd be whining to her bf about how so-and-so was being a d*** to her. Blah.
Well you get it- it's nice to have a female chime in- because WE ALL GET it when it comes to girls like this- Men don't understand the psychology behind it in the same way we do.

My ex's best friend dated a girl that was just like this. We did a double date and when her and my bf was in earshot, she'd play fair- when they were out of earshot, she'd treat me like crap.

One night we were all out and I was extending anything and everything to just make a connection with her for the sake of our bf's being best friends.
She had just moved and didn't know anyone- so I suggested we go shopping, see a movie, hang out, whatever. She told me she didn't like other females, preferred the company of men only, didn't like shopping or movies... At one point after me trying all night she shifted her chair away from me and whispered something in her bf's ear and they both looked at me.

I was livid and told my bf what happened- he told me I was "CRAZY, that people didn't act that way and I must have done something to upset her".
After the two of them broke up- his best friend told me she told him she had tried to be nice to me but I was hostile just like every other female she'd ever met...." It was so BS, because I did everything in my power to connect with her.

My bf never believed me about what happened on that night- he just believed that I was being crazy "imagining things" because people don't act that way.
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Old 3rd September 2011, 10:57 PM   #12
 
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Because even if you overcompensate for insecurity and even if you want to be the center of attention, then that still doesn't explain why you would go so far to sabotage the happiness of a friend, that goes too far. On top of that her friend did it while she has a boyfriend.

Hence I couldn't make sense of it.
Her goal was to make sure she was getting the majority of the best quality attention, not to screw things up for D. She probably didn't realize how she was acting. She probably didn't realize what it meant for D. If she was told she'd be mortified, or maybe she wouldn't believe it, or maybe she'd be secretly happy about it. Because seeing someone succeed while she takes a back seat is a problem for her.
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Old 3rd September 2011, 11:13 PM   #13
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Her goal was to make sure she was getting the majority of the best quality attention, not to screw things up for D. She probably didn't realize how she was acting. She probably didn't realize what it meant for D. If she was told she'd be mortified, or maybe she wouldn't believe it, or maybe she'd be secretly happy about it. Because seeing someone succeed while she takes a back seat is a problem for her.
I don't think girls like this acknowledge or recognize in any way what they are doing. It's only about being in the center of attention- and that doesn't have anything to do with anyone else- just them.

I remember I brought a POF date that was going well to meet up with my ex best friend, her bf- and his friends. This dude was acting so enamoured with me- and when we all met up in a group- he was praising me like crazy to my friend... She proceeded to flirt with him to the point where her bf wanted to kill my date and we had to leave so a fist fight wouldn't occur.

I confronted her about it afterward and she crossed her hands on her heart and looked at me with surprise and said "how could you think that about me? He came on to me and I didn't want to hurt you..." That just wasn't what happened- she actually created a situation to make her bf jealous because he hadn't been paying enough attention to her lately during that time.

We're talking in our 30's here- My exbf was never able to handle that any male was more attracted to someone else than to her.

Last edited by D-Lish; 3rd September 2011 at 11:19 PM..
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Old 3rd September 2011, 11:20 PM   #14
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Because being the center of attention means more to people like this than a friends happiness. I don't think she consciously sabotaged things- just didn't like being out of the spotlight and has an inherent need to be the one everyone focuses on all the time. In her head she was thinking "omg, everyone is happy for d-lish, everyone is focusing on d-lish today and not me- how do I get back into the spotlight?"

A girl like this is only validated when she is in the spotlight. If I am getting attention, she gets angry and jealous and makes a point of putting herself back in the center of attention. Doesn't matter that it might hurt me, she doesn't see it as hurting me, she's only thinking of herself and ways to validate her own ego.
That clears it up, it makes sense to me now.
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Old 3rd September 2011, 11:23 PM   #15
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I don't think girls like this acknowledge or recognize in any way what they are doing. It's only about being in the center of attention- and that doesn't have anything to do with anyone else- just them.

I remember I brought a POF date that was going well to meet up with my ex best friend, her bf- and his friends. This dude was acting so enamoured with me- and when we all met up in a group- he was praising me like crazy to my friend... She proceeded to flirt with him to the point where her bf wanted to kill my date and we had to leave so a fist fight wouldn't occur.

We're talking in our 30's here- My exbf was never able to handle that any male was more attractive to someone else than to her.
Man, what a strange bunch of people. First off, the guy should have been mad at his GF for flirting, not at the guy she was flirting with. Also, as for your past BF not believing you about that girl you talked about in that other post, I would have dumped him as soon as he didn't have my back.

Don't put up with people like that. Life is too short.
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