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Strange Outfit


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I have a friend who is in his 50s. (I am in my 40s.) Yesterday we went to a street festival - outside & hot and my friend wore the creepiest shorts. They were the runner shorts with the split up the side that shows way too much thigh. I saw some people actually snicker and we stopped in a bar to get a beer and I think we were treated strangely because of them (but who knows). So do I say something to him? Do I just say nothing and kind of distance myself (as I did last night) if he wears them again?

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Thanks. I would have thought this would have garnered at least a few responses. I think I will just wait. I am not that good of a friend with him. If we hang out again and he's wearing them, I will say something.

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I would say something as well. Maybe going down the route of pretending where you are going is slightly 'dressier'

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If he feels comftorable with them and you are a real friend it shouldnt bother you. what if you got an alphalpha haircut because you liked it and it made you feel good? would you like it if he distanced himself? ahhh i didnt think so... therefore let people snicker. suggesting a different attire is not wrong though maybe a friendly... " dude were not going to the bar in shorts." might work... always works when i tell my best friend " i aint taking you out looking like a chonga." :laugh:

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Assuming the bar was along the street fair, IMO non-issue. People do what they do. It's not like he's going out at night on a date in gay runner shorts ;)

 

What this vaguely sounds like (I'm his age) is a common issue I've had with some female friends, in that they are concerned that we are seen in public as a 'couple' and that my dress or demeanor might reflect negatively on their social status. I note this in their body language and comments, though they never address it directly.

 

I think, if a man or woman is comfortable with themselves and aren't violating any laws, it's healthier to accept them, not to be confused with feeling obligated to socialize with them if/when one feels uncomfortable. For example, perhaps decline street fair on hot day invitations. Alternatively, one can offer support and challenge, for example by complimenting them on their general sense of style and noting the slit runner shorts as a 'whoa, what were you thinking that day?' humorous departure. The approach would likely be predicated on the tone of the friendship and how the parties interact. It's different with each friendship. If the man here is used to being 'ribbed' about his clothing choices and takes it with a sense of humor, that's one path. If he's more serious or sensitive, that's another path, and on and on.

 

So, did he have nice legs? ;)

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Assuming the bar was along the street fair, IMO non-issue. People do what they do. It's not like he's going out at night on a date in gay runner shorts ;)

 

What this vaguely sounds like (I'm his age) is a common issue I've had with some female friends, in that they are concerned that we are seen in public as a 'couple' and that my dress or demeanor might reflect negatively on their social status. I note this in their body language and comments, though they never address it directly.

 

I think, if a man or woman is comfortable with themselves and aren't violating any laws, it's healthier to accept them, not to be confused with feeling obligated to socialize with them if/when one feels uncomfortable. For example, perhaps decline street fair on hot day invitations. Alternatively, one can offer support and challenge, for example by complimenting them on their general sense of style and noting the slit runner shorts as a 'whoa, what were you thinking that day?' humorous departure. The approach would likely be predicated on the tone of the friendship and how the parties interact. It's different with each friendship. If the man here is used to being 'ribbed' about his clothing choices and takes it with a sense of humor, that's one path. If he's more serious or sensitive, that's another path, and on and on.

 

So, did he have nice legs? ;)

 

I am not sure how he'd react to it (i.e., sensitive/humorously). Once he had a hat that was unbelievably goofy and I told him to throw it out and I didn't make a big thing of it.

 

I am of the mindset that if I get to the point where people are snickering about me, or if I have hygiene issues, I would want to know and I have told some friends to let me know. I don't know if he has the same concerns.

 

I will say that they were the shorts as you describe and it was to an even that was afternoon/evening and while people weren't all dressed up, there was a sense of style to some there. The other thing I should have mentioned is that he wore a longish t-shirt so from the front it looked like he wasn't wearing any shorts, or a speedo or something. If I told him it would be more out of sympathy for him rather than whether people associated the two of us. THat is usually never a concern with guy friends (but has on rare occasion, with dates).

 

As to whether he had nice legs, they are somewhat muscular and thigh-ish and I think that adds to the creepiness. I can't explain but I did find a photo and sent to a female friend who was definitely creeped out.

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If he feels comftorable with them and you are a real friend it shouldnt bother you. what if you got an alphalpha haircut because you liked it and it made you feel good? would you like it if he distanced himself? ahhh i didnt think so... therefore let people snicker. suggesting a different attire is not wrong though maybe a friendly... " dude were not going to the bar in shorts." might work... always works when i tell my best friend " i aint taking you out looking like a chonga." :laugh:

 

It's not that it bothers me, it's that it bothers others and he is the subject of ridicule, albeit minor, and makes others feel uncomfortable. I tend to avoid things that are indecent - for example I don't walk around in public without my shirt and dislike when others do. Just a personal preference. I did keep a little distance from him, however while we were there. I was kind of amazed that he didn't think/realize they were creepy. Finally, he's really not that good of a friend. We used to be better friends but I think he thought or hoped I was gay and that was one of the bases for the friendship (I am not). Also, he's just done some other things that seem kind of goofy/strange.

 

You seem to conflict your own advice a little. On the one hand you say it shouldn't bother me but on the other, if you say something if your friend looks like a chonga. (And please define chonga.)

 

Peace.

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  • 2 weeks later...
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I don't get it. Are you so bothered by what other people think? Why? If he likes them, is comfortable and happy in them, who cares?

 

I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who would distance themselves from me just because I like to wear something different.

 

The shorts creeped me out. I mentioned that other people reacted to help show that I wasn't exaggerating.

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JHS, I get where you are coming from, we are indeed "judged" in part by the clothing styles. Lady Gaga is a perfect example. Point being, there is nothing wrong in addressing the attire of someone you hang out with. I am often direct and polite when its shared with them. You are what you wear sometimes ...so if the image projected is frumpy or provocative...it tells a tale of the person wearing it.

We compliment our friends on their style, we can then also have the decency to share with them our view point on a less then complimentary outfit. Honesty done right can aide.

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