Competitive friend

[Lux Aurumque]

One of my best friends, Sally, has been acting really strange lately. We've been good friends for a while and never had a hitch in our three year friendship, but recently I've been feeling like I'm in competition with her whenever we go out.

 

First, a little background. We frequent the same bar twice, sometimes three times a week depending on how we feel after work. Because of this, we're friends with a lot of the usual crowd and most of the staff. We all have a great time together, and after the bar closes, we all usually go to the 24 hour diner down the street and get a bite to eat and continue the merriment. Sally also has a boyfriend who she's been with for about a month.

 

First off, I'm a virgin. I'm not ashamed of the fact, but if I meet a guy, I'll wait until we've been out on a few dates to let them know. There have been a couple of instances where a guy has come up and started talking to me, and for some reason, Sally feels the need to pipe up in the middle of the conversation, LOUDLY, "Lux Aurumque, you're a virgin, you have no business talking about that!!" I really don't need the fact that I'm a 21 year old virgin broadcasted to the whole bar, but whatever. I'm not ashamed, but it's still really awkward and embarrassing.

 

Me and one of the bartenders that I've known for about a year started dating about a month and a half ago, and at first, Sally hated him. He would go to the diner with us after he clocked out, and she would be really nasty to him for seemingly no reason at all. She hated him for a week. After that she started making some really inappropriate comments about James, stuff like:

"Me and James fight-flirt a lot, don't you see it?"

"I'm so happy James isn't working tonight, otherwise I'd so f*** him!!"

*After one drink* "I'm so drunk, I'd f*** James if he were here!!"

You can see how this gets annoying after a while.

 

This next one is the most annoying by far. We started hanging out with one of the other bartenders, Kyle, at the same time James and I started dating. A big group of us had gone to the diner after the bar closed the night we met him. Now Kyle jokingly expressed his disappointment in the fact that I was taken the whole time we were there, and told Sally that if she ever decided to dump her boyfriend, to call him as we were leaving. That must have been the nicest thing anyone has said to her in a while, because every time I mention Kyle in a conversation, it's:

"Oh no, sweetie; Kyle isn't attracted to you AT ALL. He specifically asked ME out."

 

SAY WHAAAAT?? I don't like Kyle like that; I'm dating a guy I'm very content with, and I don't see why she thinks I'm so jealous. I've told her that I'm pretty sure he was kidding (he was joking with me about the same thing all night, after all), but she just says, "No no no, Kyle's not into you; he's waiting for me to break up with Matt so we can be together." I just roll my eyes whenever she goes on one of her Kyle tirades, but I'm seriously sick of hearing about how he doesn't think I'm attractive and how he fawns over her whenever she's at the bar (he really doesn't).

 

I'm beyond just rolling my eyes and changing the subject. She didn't start acting like this until a couple of months ago, and I'm wondering what the heck happened to start this. Is there any way I can talk to her about her behavior? If not, should I just ditch the friendship?

Edited July 9, 2011 by Lux Aurumque

[KathyM]

Ditch the friendship. She is extremely egotistical and competitive with you. You don't need that. That is not a friend. My older sister had a girlfriend like that. Every time she'd meet someone and start dating him, the "friend" would try to steel him away. The "friend" even went after our married cousin and tried to wreck his marriage. Fortunately, my sister no longer has this man eater in her life. They've been friends since childhood, so it was hard to give up the friend, but when it became obvious what this woman was doing, my sister realized she is not a good friend.