Jump to content

Being friends with your best friend's ex?


Recommended Posts

I'm really upset and I need to know if I have a valid reason to be upset or I'm being upset over nothing.

 

Okay, so first let me say that this guy isn't really my ex..we never dated but I don't know what else to call him. I really, really liked this guy at one time, we talked all the time, we slept together, we fought like a couple and we went to our hs prom together. I was head over heels for him and he asked me to be his gf twice which I said no to both times for certain reasons at the time. What I'm trying to say is that whatever it is we had there were feelings involved(at least on my end) and it just didn't work out between us and my best friend knows this and the whole story. We were involved with each other on and off for 4 yrs. I haven't spoken to him in over a yr and we're not really on good terms. I still care about him and I occasionally think about him and occassionally check his twitter pg. I dont know why I do it. Sometimes im just interested in seeing what he's up to. Ok I know why, I check it to see if he's in a relationship (**hides face in embarrassment**)

 

Now a little background between my best friend and this guy. We all went to hs together. They hung out in the same circle but were never really friends. They're both really funny so they made a lot of jokes and stuff when we were around each other. There was a point when he actually annoyed the hell out of her. They were never close and their friendship pretty much consisted of making jokes of each other.

 

Now here's why I'm furious. I was on his twitter pg the other day and he and my best friend were having this long convo. I scrolled down to see how long and they've been having these long convos for days. I was instantly pissed off! I was beyond angry. I kept thinking how could she do this to me, I would never do that to her with any guy she's been with. When my mind was a little clearer I began to think maybe I shouldn't be mad because the convos were basically them joking around and laughing and making jokes and she does have a boyfriend. But then their convos started getting personal like her giving him advice about his problems (why ppl do this for the world to see i have no idea) and he was telling her about how he's going through some stuff and it really made me upset and hurt. The fact that I'm not on twitter and she never mentioned to me that she's been having these long drawn out convos with him is what makes it even more of a problem to me. Also, I've been really down and depressed lately and my friend knows this. She hasn't been there for me and I was questioning our friendship before I found out that she's having these long convos with my 'ex'. She speaks to him more than she speaks to me and it's been really bothering me.

 

So my question is, is it appropriate to be friends with your best friend's ex? Am I being ridiculous because I'm upset over this? And please be honest because part of me feels like I shouldn't care if they're friends and the other part of me is just really hurt.

Link to post
Share on other sites

You do have a right to be upset, but bear in mind that your best friend probably means you no ill will. They are just talking. It's not easy to find people to talk to about your problems, and it'd be unfair to ask her to cut off her friendship just because you have a semi-history with this guy.

 

It would be fair though, to talk with your friend about how you're feeling, and if they really are your best friend, they will take your feelings into consideration. But don't try to drive a wedge between the guy and her. They're just friends - she has a boyfriend.

 

So yes, I do believe your friends can be friends with your ex. Why be a jerk about it and make your friends give up their friendship as well, just because your own relationship didn't work out as planned. It will hurt, but we need to acknowledge that we can't control everyone's lives, and that sometimes it's just better to try and move on as best we can.

 

Hope it goes well =)

Link to post
Share on other sites
Gaskguizacugs

Exit Through the Gift Shop movie actors where can i download the Scream 4 (LQ) trailer Megamind Theater Film download new The Hangover Part II (LQ) film Tangled Movie Downloads Watch Full London Boulevard Movie In Hd Step Up 3 the movie Download Unknown Movie In Ipod Quality Download The Mechanic Music watch Smallville - Season Ten film full version cinematic Black Swan download Free Downloads Airline Disaster Film Centurion Download Download Iron Man 2 Movie In Dvd Quality Watch Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part I Full Movie High Quality I Am Number Four Movie

Link to post
Share on other sites
whichwayisup

In alot of ways you have no claim on him and whatever it was between you in the past didn't work out. Four years... And your friend was obviously knew him as well. I say, allow them to have their friendship, either online or offline and stay out of it. they haven't flaunted it in your face, nor discussed it with you.. She isn't betraying you because this guy was never your boyfriend, you had two changes to be with him and for whatever reasons, it didn't work out. Plus, you say you haven't spoken to him in a year, so who knows how long they've kept in touch.

 

It's okay to feel hurt but don't get angry at her. she isn't doing it to upset you or piss you off. She may just like the guy as a friend and sees no harm in keeping in touch with him.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Moaky and Whichwayisup you're both right. The more I've thought about it the more I realize how selfish I'm being. It's a terrible thing to want a relationship between two people to end just because you're no longer friends with one. Clearly he's going through something and its really really selfish of me to think why is she speaking to him. I'm happy that he has someone to talk to and I hope she can give him encouraging words and support to whatever he's going through.

 

I think that because we have other issues right now with our friendship this situation just added to my frustration when I found out and i made a bigger deal of it than it is.

Link to post
Share on other sites
whichwayisup
She speaks to him more than she speaks to me and it's been really bothering me.

 

There are different ways in handling this when you speak to her, and you should talk to her..

 

Don't mention him at all or the amount of time they're talking and/or hanging out. Just tell her that you miss her and want to spend time with her. This way she sees this as her BF wanting her time and not feeling bad about talking to your ex. Whatever he is going through will eventually get solved and hopefully she won't be talking to him as often as she is now.

 

Hope this helps.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...