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Going too far? How do I handle this?


Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

Old 27th June 2011, 3:23 PM   #1
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Going too far? How do I handle this?

Hello all,

I have a situation. I've been with my fiance for almost 2 years now and recently moved in with him about 7 months ago. His best friend is getting marries so the girl of the best friend is in the picture in our lives. She's not one of my favorite people and she has a way of making me feel inferior and like I am not worthy of her attention and she makes it seem like it's such a challenge for her to be around me when all I'd rather do is go be with the boys working on the cars outside in the garage. I really havent liked her from day one but I've always gone out of my way to make sure that everything is copesetic between us for my fiance and his friend's sake.

Here comes the issue. She recently invited me to her bridal shower, so I went, after my fiance and I got her a gift we knew she'd love. Yet when the bachelorette party came around she never invited me. first I felt like I was only good enough to be around to buy her a gift, ok whatever. Well, the wedding is this weekend and my fiance is their best man, so I have to be there. But after she jumped his case a few days ago saying that I'm a lying conniving controling witch (other wording was here lol) and that he "needs get get his manhood back from her". How do I deal with this? She doesnt know what goes on behind closed doors, or how we really treat each other. My fiance and I have talked about this and there are no issues with our relationship, but it worries me that she is saying these things and why.

Any ideas how I handle this? What should I do? I have to go to the wedding, I have no choice in that one, and I'm not going to get tossed and make a scene, but I really just want to duke it out once and for all and get it over with to make her leave us alone because she feels like she lost someone who paid attention to her when my fiance started seeing me.
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Old 25th July 2011, 5:31 AM   #2
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How did the wedding go? Did she make a scene or did you duke it out or did she fly off her handle in agitation, but you just let her make the scene because between someone who's calm (you) and someone who's freaking out (her), guess which one looks disgraceful?
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Old 25th July 2011, 6:25 PM   #3
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It's hard to tell you how to handle this without getting at least a glimpse of her side of the story. Do you have any idea why she'd think you're dominant and conniving? I'm not saying you are either dominant or conniving, but I'm also guessing that she might have some kind of reason besides pure malice for saying these things. But okay, in the absence of details I'd say the classy thing to do is to go to the wedding and be perfectly polite. If you want to have an open discussion with her it can wait until after the festivities.

edit: oyyy. didn't realize how old this post was. i guess everything i wrote is irrelevant at this point. how did it all go?

Last edited by frenchtelephones; 25th July 2011 at 6:27 PM..
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Old 9th August 2011, 2:55 PM   #4
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Well, I ended up sick with a sinus infection for the wedding to which the groom gave me a hug and told me he understood if I stayed home. I went anyway, helped the bride and groom take their gifts home while my fiance played chauffeur. The bride and I talked the night before the wedding and she assures me that it was a "misunderstanding". I'm not quite sure I believe her but found out that at the time all of this was said she was off her meds so that could explain a bit, and the fact that she's revealed she's jealous of the relationship I have with my fiance and wishes she and her now husband could have that same relationship. So I believe that's also part of it. Among everything else it's still a twisted situation. But I've gone out of my way to go out shopping with her and to go have a drink or lunch and it's as good as it's going to be. We have a mutual understanding now so for the time being all is kosher until she's off her meds again and flips like she does about once a month.
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Old 10th August 2011, 12:53 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by orli_girl16 View Post
Well, I ended up sick with a sinus infection for the wedding to which the groom gave me a hug and told me he understood if I stayed home. I went anyway, helped the bride and groom take their gifts home while my fiance played chauffeur. The bride and I talked the night before the wedding and she assures me that it was a "misunderstanding". I'm not quite sure I believe her but found out that at the time all of this was said she was off her meds so that could explain a bit, and the fact that she's revealed she's jealous of the relationship I have with my fiance and wishes she and her now husband could have that same relationship. So I believe that's also part of it. Among everything else it's still a twisted situation. But I've gone out of my way to go out shopping with her and to go have a drink or lunch and it's as good as it's going to be. We have a mutual understanding now so for the time being all is kosher until she's off her meds again and flips like she does about once a month.
Yeah that's definitely a delicate line to cross with her mood swings then. It sounds like she really has to stay on her medication to regulate her moods. Take her word for it but make note of it that this can't always be her convenient excuse. She knows she has an illness, she knows she needs her medicine for it, so she's accountable for taking care of herself. The next time she starts saying all of that junk about you, you know you don't have to tolerate that, illness or not.

As for the jealousy of your relationship, she has to work that out with her husband and not take it out on you. You're justified in not quite believing her and at the end of the day, since you're being civil, I'm sure you won't have any regrets should your "friendship" with her go south. You can't control what she does but if you maintain your composure and kindness without being a doormat for her, I think you'll be just fine and you'll be free to make friendships with genuine respect.
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Old 10th August 2011, 10:38 PM   #6
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If she's that bad, I really don't see why you have to pretend to like her or to associate with her. If you are convinced she said these things about you (i.e. you know they are true and it's not that someone else is trying to stir up trouble between you), then why don't you cut her off? You owe her nothing. You don't have to associate with her at all. You don't have to go to the wedding. You seem to think you do - why? Is it because your boyfriend will be there? That is not a good enough reason to go to the wedding of someone who has treated you so badly. In this situation, you have a perfect right to think of yourself, your own self-respect, and turn down this invitation.
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Old 9th September 2011, 2:43 PM   #7
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Update on the situation- 2 and a half months into the marriage, divorce proceedings have started. It turns out that the wife is an adulterer (including since before the wedding, and with one of the groomsmen even). He gave her an out and wanted to work through everything and give their marriage a chance- instead she bolted, we have no idea where she is and I feel bad for the husband since he really does love her and wouldnt have put up with everything if he didnt. On the upside, as morbid as it sounds, I'm glad that she's out of his life now because we are all realizing how toxic she is and how much trouble she really did cause (including actually saying what she said about me). I guess I am a pretty good judge of character after all.
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Old 9th September 2011, 5:44 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by orli_girl16 View Post
Yet when the bachelorette party came around she never invited me.
This should have been your first clue. She didn't want you there b/c she was doing things she didn't want you reporing back to him.
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