Friend or Frenemy?

[writergal]

How do you define 'frenemy?' I'm just curious because I have 3 acquaintances who all know each other and one of them seems to have it out for me, based on how she constantly lies to me about why she has to cancel plans with me at the last minute. It makes no sense. Why go through all that effort to pretend to be my friend if she doesn't like me? For example, our mutual friend posted photos from a weekend that showed my friend and her boyfriend. Well, she'd told me she was going out of town and wouldn't be attending our friend's party (I couldn't go because I'd promised to babysit for my sister). Then recently she left me a voicemail canceling our get together this weekend because she claims she had to go out of town for a few days to visit her sick grandmother and then said she would be too exhausted to get together after that over the weekend. Turns out she's going to Chicago with our mutual friend and mutual friend's boyfriend this weekend instead. I found this out when our mutual friend posted this news on her Facebook status. So I emailed her, asking her why she's always lying about why she has to cancel plans etc. She hasn't bothered to email or call to explain herself which makes me think she knows she's been caught in her lies. That or she could care less and doesn't consider my friendship worth any effort saving. I just don't understand what motivates people to act this way.

Edited June 22, 2011 by writergal

[0hpenelope]

I wanted to comment on how awesome it is that you called her out on her behavior! I really believe that we teach people the way we want to be treated. If you've tolerated her behavior, she figured it was okay to keep canceling plans on you. Good for you! It's harder to stand up to friends than it is to stand up to strangers, I think.

 

I think the friendship isn't worth pursuing too, but from your end. You don't have to do anything at all. Most of the effort should come from her to fix things and I'm sure you'll be forgiving, but definitely more cautious.

 

I define "frenemy" as referring to someone who is within my social circle that will have good times with me, but will be able to say bad things about me w/o hesitation and guilt to others when I'm not around. When I'm around, we're "friends," but 'gossip and trash talking ahoy!' when I'm away.

 

If she is the way that she is, perhaps you'll be doing yourself a much better favor by maintaining a civil relationship w/ her. Friendly, but not friends.