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DreamerGirl27

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DreamerGirl27

that I'm sorta kinda gettin' over him. Or at least over the idea of wanting him. For the time being. Or something...like that.

 

I guess... I just don't like anyone right now. I've always had a crush on at least one person my entire teen and early twenties.

 

He obviously doesn't want a relationship right now and even if he did, he doesn't want one with me (or so he says). Why, I'll be forever wondering... I don't get when a guy just wants to be "friends" with a girl. but anyway...

 

I've never not liked anyone before. I've never had just a breather to just be single and not like anyone. So, this is a first for me.

 

If he ever asks me to go out with him, I will, of course, but he hasn't asked, so... yeah.

 

I'm just gonna live and let live and whatever happens happens, but I don't even want to be in a relationship right now anyway. I enjoy my freedom too much.

 

So, I'm gonna take this time to do things that I like to do, without having to answer to someone where I'm going etc...or have a boyfriend who wants to take up all my time etc... I can go out to clubs and bars with girlfriends and not have a guy freak out when I get home etc...

 

it's quite nice being 26 and single and free. I gotta admit. The glass is always half full to me, never half empty. I didn't always think this way, but I realized, I've probably always been this way, I just had to dig deep to figure it out.

 

Anyway..

 

Just thought I'd share.

 

Right now...I'm in love with myself. :love:

 

lol

:p

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...I kissed a girl and I liked it.

 

He obviously doesn't want a relationship right now and even if he did, he doesn't want one with me (or so he says).

If he ever asks me to go out with him, I will, of course, but he hasn't asked, so... yeah.
Did he actually say he doesn't want a relationship with you directly or did you assume that because he hasn't asked you directly for a date?

I don't get when a guy just wants to be "friends" with a girl. but anyway...
You weren't friends, honey. Straight guys don't talk about sex with a girl unless he wants to do her and that's no friendship. If in the rare case he was toying with you then again he was no friend since friends don't mistreat each other in that way. Edited by BeginAgain
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Really???

:lmao:

Yeah that's basically where it was going.

 

"I'm not going to have casual sex with the guy I like so I'm going to practice some self-love.;)"

 

A virgin FOREVER!!!! when the solution is so close.

 

I hope she never discovers the rabbit or she'll never get out of bed.

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DreamerGirl27
Yeah that's basically where it was going.

 

"I'm not going to have casual sex with the guy I like so I'm going to practice some self-love.;)"

 

A virgin FOREVER!!!! when the solution is so close.

 

I hope she never discovers the rabbit or she'll never get out of bed.

 

^too late

 

:lmao:

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^too late

 

:lmao:

Then we found your problem. You are already in a committed relationship with your sex toy. PROBLEM SOLVED! NEXT CASE!

 

 

*mumble*I really don't see why you couldn't use him as your living sex toy*mumble*

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He obviously doesn't want a relationship right now and even if he did, he doesn't want one with me (or so he says). Why, I'll be forever wondering... I don't get when a guy just wants to be "friends" with a girl. but anyway...

 

 

when i was younger, i didn't. as i get older (and i'm not that much older than you so i assume comparable to his age), i don't find it as undesirable as i once did.

 

i think some of it is biological. men do in fact get over their teen/early 20s sexual peak the closer they get to 30. not that it isn't still important, but it isn't the only thing you think about anymore. the conversation, appreciation of common interests, compatibility in attitudes and such, become just as if not more important.

 

when i don't feel like all of the expectations and obligations that come along with a relationship, being around female friends is a nice alternative for a change.

 

but his availability won't last, that's a temporary thing. either he'll wind up with someone else or more decisively approach you about a relationship eventually.

Edited by thatone
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DreamerGirl27
when i was younger, i didn't. as i get older (and i'm not that much older than you so i assume comparable to his age), i don't find it as undesirable as i once did.

 

i think some of it is biological. men do in fact get over their teen/early 20s sexual peak the closer they get to 30. not that it isn't still important, but it isn't the only thing you think about anymore. the conversation, appreciation of common interests, compatibility in attitudes and such, become just as if not more important.

 

when i don't feel like all of the expectations and obligations that come along with a relationship, being around female friends is a nice alternative for a change.

 

what I don't understand is why men find it undesirable at any age? I've wanted to be in a serious relationship since I was about 16. What expectations? That you can't screw 10 women at the same time? That's such an obligation...my question is, why would you want to? I believe in monogamy. I can't get my brain to even think about more than one man.

 

 

but his availability won't last, that's a temporary thing. either he'll wind up with someone else or more decisively approach you about a relationship eventually.

 

well let's hope he decides to approach me!

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that I'm sorta kinda gettin' over him. Or at least over the idea of wanting him. For the time being. Or something...like that.

 

I guess... I just don't like anyone right now. I've always had a crush on at least one person my entire teen and early twenties.

 

He obviously doesn't want a relationship right now and even if he did, he doesn't want one with me (or so he says). Why, I'll be forever wondering... I don't get when a guy just wants to be "friends" with a girl. but anyway...

 

I've never not liked anyone before. I've never had just a breather to just be single and not like anyone. So, this is a first for me.

 

If he ever asks me to go out with him, I will, of course, but he hasn't asked, so... yeah.

 

I'm just gonna live and let live and whatever happens happens, but I don't even want to be in a relationship right now anyway. I enjoy my freedom too much.

:p

This sounds like a good plan.

That guy you posted about -- he didn't sound like your type.

All he did was talk about sex, but not sex with you. He's a player. Stay away from those guys.

So, I'm gonna take this time to do things that I like to do, without having to answer to someone where I'm going etc...or have a boyfriend who wants to take up all my time etc...

That seems a little negative there.

A BF/GF does take your time, but it's time well-spent.

 

I would prefer spending time with my sweetie, esp. when I was along in my late 20s and early 30s.

 

Yes, I have my personal hobbies I like to do on my own. All of us need some time away for ourselves... but life is so much more fun when you can spend it with someone you love.

Trust me, once you meet that person, you won't begrudge them for "taking your time from you...."

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This sounds like a good plan.

That guy you posted about -- he didn't sound like your type.

All he did was talk about sex, but not sex with you. He's a player. Stay away from those guys.

 

That seems a little negative there.

A BF/GF does take your time, but it's time well-spent.

 

I would prefer spending time with my sweetie, esp. when I was along in my late 20s and early 30s.

 

Yes, I have my personal hobbies I like to do on my own. All of us need some time away for ourselves... but life is so much more fun when you can spend it with someone you love.

Trust me, once you meet that person, you won't begrudge them for "taking your time from you...."

 

Well, unfortunately FloridaMan, the guy that I want to give my time to doesn't want to take it from me. So, I'm just trying to see the positives that I DO have currently and most women in relationships would kill for free time. I know when I was way back in my mid teens, I had a boyfriend for about a month and a half and towards the end of that month I was about ready to shoot him for wanting to see me constantly.

 

I wouldn't want to shoot the guy that I like, but apparently he'd want to shoot me!! :(

 

So, just enjoying the alone time that I have. There's nothing negative about that. I have tons of it and I enjoy it to the full extent.

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Well, unfortunately FloridaMan, the guy that I want to give my time to doesn't want to take it from me.

Understand that's frustrating and hurting you.

But you gotta realize there are many other guys out there you could be attracted to.

 

You don't want one that was like him (his lifestyle, promiscuity).... You want one closer to your ideal and what you want in a man.

Now, you need to understand you may not find a man exactly like you want, but should find someone "close" to your specifications.

 

Try to have as few "dealbreakers" as possible. Some dealbreakers include smoking, overweight, promiscuity, alcoholism, criminal past, drugs, etc. Others don't want to date divorced/kids.

So, I'm just trying to see the positives that I DO have currently and most women in relationships would kill for free time. I know when I was way back in my mid teens, I had a boyfriend for about a month and a half and towards the end of that month I was about ready to shoot him for wanting to see me constantly.

 

I wouldn't want to shoot the guy that I like, but apparently he'd want to shoot me!! :(

 

So, just enjoying the alone time that I have. There's nothing negative about that. I have tons of it and I enjoy it to the full extent.

That sounds good. Enjoy your life.

 

One of the rules in loving others is to first love yourself.

 

You need to be content with who you are. If one is not content with their current situation, they may not be really ready for a relationship.

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DreamerGirl27
Understand that's frustrating and hurting you.

But you gotta realize there are many other guys out there you could be attracted to.

 

You don't want one that was like him (his lifestyle, promiscuity).... You want one closer to your ideal and what you want in a man.

Now, you need to understand you may not find a man exactly like you want, but should find someone "close" to your specifications.

 

Try to have as few "dealbreakers" as possible. Some dealbreakers include smoking, overweight, promiscuity, alcoholism, criminal past, drugs, etc. Others don't want to date divorced/kids.

 

That sounds good. Enjoy your life.

 

One of the rules in loving others is to first love yourself.

 

You need to be content with who you are. If one is not content with their current situation, they may not be really ready for a relationship.

 

Pretty much ALL of those are a deal breaker to me.

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Originally Posted by Floridaman

You don't want one that was like him (his lifestyle, promiscuity).... You want one closer to your ideal and what you want in a man.

Now, you need to understand you may not find a man exactly like you want, but should find someone "close" to your specifications.

 

Try to have as few "dealbreakers" as possible. Some dealbreakers include smoking, overweight, promiscuity, alcoholism, criminal past, drugs, etc. Others don't want to date divorced/kids.

Pretty much ALL of those are a deal breaker to me.

Forgot to add a couple of dealbreakers:

 

Religous views.

Most want someone similar to themselves.

In my case, I prefered to date a woman that at least called herself a Christian, but I had a range of acceptance within that area.

 

Once dated a woman that was into "speaking in tongues..." Not my cup o' religion. But still went out with her bec. I really wanted a relationship. As we weren't on the same level in beliefs, she dumped me, which may have been for the good.

 

If someone's not close to you particular religious view, like that guy you were going after (who may not respect your sexual boundaries), it may just be another area where you're not compatible.

 

Political views.

Most people don't spend all their time discussing politics, but if you're dating someone who focuses on politics, and you're views are opposite, that could be a red flag. You're not gonna change the other in that area.

 

I was pretty accepting of women I dated who may not have matched up with me politically. (Again, I was more interested in relationships). But when it got to the point that she openly and vocally started attacking my views....

 

The woman I married at 33 was of a diff. political party and came from a family that traditionally voted that well. She voted opposite of me in the '92 presidential election (6 mos. after we met), and we didn't agree on all things political. But they weren't heated debates and I didn't take such disagreement personally.

Both of us have changed and we're politically closer.

 

 

On the other hand, many let that one slide (just like the religious differences) and "hope" the other changes. They're later sadly shattered.

Edited by Floridaman
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DreamerGirl27
Forgot to add a couple of dealbreakers:

 

Religous views.

Most want someone similar to themselves.

In my case, I prefered to date a woman that at least called herself a Christian, but I had a range of acceptance within that area.

 

Once dated a woman that was into "speaking in tongues..." Not my cup o' religion. But still went out with her bec. I really wanted a relationship. As we weren't on the same level in beliefs, she dumped me, which may have been for the good.

 

If someone's not close to you particular religious view, like that guy you were going after (who may not respect your sexual boundaries), it may just be another area where you're not compatible.

 

Political views.

Most people don't spend all their time discussing politics, but if you're dating someone who focuses on politics, and you're views are opposite, that could be a red flag. You're not gonna change the other in that area.

 

I was pretty accepting of women I dated who may not have matched up with me politically. (Again, I was more interested in relationships). But when it got to the point that she openly and vocally started attacking my views....

 

The woman I married at 33 was of a diff. political party and came from a family that traditionally voted that well. She voted opposite of me in the '92 presidential election (6 mos. after we met), and we didn't agree on all things political. But they weren't heated debates and I didn't take such disagreement personally.

Both of us have changed and we're politically closer.

 

 

On the other hand, many let that one slide (just like the religious differences) and "hope" the other changes. They're later sadly shattered.

 

 

I find most men who believe like me incredibly boring and most incredibly unattractive.

 

I'm attracted to the rocker look, the bad boy, long haired, skinny rocker boy look. How many of those go to church?

 

Oh and about that...I refuse to go to church right now because I hate it. I find church really boring.

 

I'm chasing my musical goals right now, so how am I supposed to find a decent guy who has the same views as me working in a place like Hot Topic or some record store where there are mostly hipsters working there and even transexuals. None of this bothers me.

 

Even the religion thing doesn't really bother me, because at this point in my life, I don't want to focus all my time on religion. I know what I believe and that's about the extent of it.

 

I'm more interested in pursuing what I like to do and the "type" that I like tend to be players. I just like the way they look. My eyeballs are addicted.

 

I'm not gonna marry someone unattractive and pretty much anyone who doesn't fit this look is unattractive to me.

 

Or...they remind me of my dad. I know they say most women marry a guy like their dad, but if I did that, I'd be miserable. I don't want to be suck with a guy who works in an office and wears old man polyester pants and works 60+ hours a week. I want the guy who becomes the musician in a band and always looks hot.

 

I know this all sounds incredibly shallow, but it actually works for me. I tend to like to be up at night, I dress like the type I'm looking for, I look good with the type I'm looking for and I listen to all the same music and like all the same movies and stuff like that that my type does.

 

There is only ONE little tiny detail that is not adding up and that is I want my type, or my guy, to want to be serious about me. I don't care what he believes, I don't care about any of that shiz, I just want him to want to be with me. I want a conservative, Christian life style with a hard a** punky guy, because that is exactly what I am. Conservative and believes in God and has really decent morals, but I'm cool, dagnabit!!

 

What is wrong with being a good person and being cool at the same time? I don't dress like a little preppy girly girl, or a nerdy kid, I look like I could work at a place like Hot Topic, yet I have really conservative morals when it comes to...relationships.

 

It could just be because I am easily jealous. I'm an only child and I'm used to someone being entirely focused on me. I'm jealous of my parents. They are 110% devoted to each other. They don't have many friends outside of each other and that's what I want. I'm very anti-social. One person is enough for me.

 

I want to live like my parents do, but look and have the lifestyle they don't.

 

Seem like I'm trying to find a needle in a haystack? Because that's how it seems to me.

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I want a conservative, Christian life style with a hard a** punky guy, because that is exactly what I am
ROFL!!!

 

No wonder your name is Dreamergirl, because that's where you'll find him. In your dreams!

 

I hope you realize what you are asking for is equivalent to me wanting a porn star who goes to church every Sunday.

 

The 27 in your name doesn't stand for your age does it?

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I find most men who believe like me incredibly boring and most incredibly unattractive.

That's a shame. I imagine I have similar political views to you, yet most wouldn't think I look unattractive (even at 49) or come off as a boring guy.

My wife wouldn't have dated me if I was so boring....

 

Remember, the one you're dating can easily lose interest. So boring isn't good.

Look at your own posts. If the guy you see standing in front of you doesn't cut it, you turn and walk way!!!!!!

 

I'd be more like your dad in terms of political and lifestyle philosophy.

 

Check out my profile pic. It is of me and my wife about 14 yrs. ago when I was 35 and she 38.

Would anyone looking at my pic seriously think I'm unattractive or boring??

 

I'm attracted to the rocker look, the bad boy, long haired, skinny rocker boy look. How many of those go to church?

Like Somedude posted, that is a problem.

I'm chasing my musical goals right now, so how am I supposed to find a decent guy who has the same views as me working in a place like Hot Topic or some record store where there are mostly hipsters working there and even transexuals. None of this bothers me.

...

I'm more interested in pursuing what I like to do and the "type" that I like tend to be players. I just like the way they look. My eyeballs are addicted.

You're not a player, and have (originally) stated you don't intend to have sex with them until you fall in love... yet in recent posts, "I can't get men to blank me," you said how you "would bang" some of those guys....

 

I'm not gonna marry someone unattractive and pretty much anyone who doesn't fit this look is unattractive to me.

 

Or...they remind me of my dad. I know they say most women marry a guy like their dad, but if I did that, I'd be miserable. I don't want to be suck with a guy who works in an office and wears old man polyester pants and works 60+ hours a week. I want the guy who becomes the musician in a band and always looks hot.

I find this unbelieveable.

Didn't you earlier post how much you respect your dad, how devoted he is to your mom, how he works hard, etc.?

How is that "boring"?

 

Would you have prefered your mom married ---- or more likely, dated and got pregnant by (before marriage, if it ever got that far ) ---- some bad-boy "player" type?

Those types don't tend to stay around that long and hit the road, following their "muse..."

How long do you think one of those would have stayed with you and your mom?

 

You'd likely have grown up with a stepfather -- who may have been worlds better as a man than your biological dad -- had your mom fallen for a "bad boy" player.

Edited by Floridaman
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That's a shame. I imagine I have similar political views to you, yet most wouldn't think I look unattractive (even at 49) or come off as a boring guy.

My wife wouldn't have dated me if I was so boring....

 

Remember, the one you're dating can easily lose interest. So boring isn't good.

Look at your own posts. If the guy you see standing in front of you doesn't cut it, you turn and walk way!!!!!!

 

I'd be more like your dad in terms of political and lifestyle philosophy.

 

Check out my profile pic. It is of me and my wife about 14 yrs. ago when I was 35 and she 38.

Would anyone looking at my pic seriously think I'm unattractive or boring??

 

 

Like Somedude posted, that is a problem.

 

You're not a player, and have (originally) stated you don't intend to have sex with them until you fall in love... yet in recent posts, "I can't get men to blank me," you said how you "would bang" some of those guys....

 

 

I find this unbelieveable.

Didn't you earlier post how much you respect your dad, how devoted he is to your mom, how he works hard, etc.?

How is that "boring"?

 

Would you have prefered your mom married ---- or more likely, dated and got pregnant by (before marriage, if it ever got that far ) ---- some bad-boy "player" type?

Those types don't tend to stay around that long and hit the road, following their "muse..."

How long do you think one of those would have stayed with you and your mom?

 

You'd likely have grown up with a stepfather -- who may have been worlds better as a man than your biological dad -- had your mom fallen for a "bad boy" player.

 

FloridaMan, I don't want to marry my dad, so yes, marrying a guy who reminds me of my dad would give me the heebie jeebies.

 

Anyway, what I described does exist. I just found this girl who works at a place that would be considered "cool" like what I described and looks exactly like what I'm describing, and she is a Christian and is married to a guy who looks like my type. So, it does exist.

 

Just because a guy is a cool 'rocker' guy doesn't automatically make them jerks. I don't know what's up with my "friend". He's being weird.

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FloridaMan, I don't want to marry my dad, so yes, marrying a guy who reminds me of my dad would give me the heebie jeebies.

Can you tell me what your dad is doing wrong (in your opinion)?

You defended him and his obvious love for your mom in another thread. You stated he works long hours, like 60 hrs./week.

 

I can't see anything wrong with him.

He seems like a hard-working guy dedicated to supporting you and your mother. Isn't that the kind of guy women want (instead of the ones who spend all their time after work in bars getting drunk, etc)?

 

I love my dad and have great respect for what my mom accomplished as a "working mother" working during the day and going to jr. college at night during the 1970s while me and my younger bro. went to school.

 

I ended up marrying a woman who physically resembled my mom in her 20s- 30s. There may be some personality similarities as well, not sure. Both aren't afraid of speaking their mind and will quickly defend themselves.

I didn't intentionally try to "marry my mom," but that's the way it worked out.

(We met on a blind date, as I've posted. Her pic is in my profile).

 

Anyway, what I described does exist. I just found this girl who works at a place that would be considered "cool" like what I described and looks exactly like what I'm describing, and she is a Christian and is married to a guy who looks like my type. So, it does exist.

I think it would be informative for you to get closer to her in friendship. Then ask her how she and her guy dated, did he respect her Christian "boundaries" on sex, etc.

Just because a guy is a cool 'rocker' guy doesn't automatically make them jerks. I don't know what's up with my "friend". He's being weird.

That's good to know they're out there. Sorry for the generalization, but those "bad boy" types that you seem hell-bent on chasing usually aren't good news nor good for you, as others ( ala Cario Guy) have posted.

Edited by Floridaman
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Can you tell me what your dad is doing wrong (in your opinion)?

You defended him and his obvious love for your mom in another thread. You stated he works long hours, like 60 hrs./week.

 

I can't see anything wrong with him.

He seems like a hard-working guy dedicated to supporting you and your mother. Isn't that the kind of guy women want (instead of the ones who spend all their time after work in bars getting drunk, etc)?

 

I love my dad and have great respect for what my mom accomplished as a "working mother" working during the day and going to jr. college at night during the 1970s while me and my younger bro. went to school.

 

I ended up marrying a woman who physically resembled my mom in her 20s- 30s. There may be some personality similarities as well, not sure. Both aren't afraid of speaking their mind and will quickly defend themselves.

I didn't intentionally try to "marry my mom," but that's the way it worked out.

(We met on a blind date, as I've posted. Her pic is in my profile).

 

 

I think it would be informative for you to get closer to her in friendship. Then ask her how she and her guy dated, did he respect her Christian "boundaries" on sex, etc.

 

That's good to know they're out there. Sorry for the generalization, but those "bad boy" types that you seem hell-bent on chasing usually aren't good news nor good for you, as others ( ala Cario Guy) have posted.

 

 

He looks like a nerd? I want a "cool" guy to love me like my dad loves my mom. Just because you're a good guy does not give you the right to be dorky. lol

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that me being over him was a phase.

 

I talked to him til 4 in the morning last night, some deep conversation and neither one of us got any sleep for school this morning.

 

 

why must he toy with my emotions???

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that me being over him was a phase.

 

I talked to him til 4 in the morning last night, some deep conversation and neither one of us got any sleep for school this morning.

 

 

why must he toy with my emotions???

That was one long conversation. Perhaps you two are connecting, and maybe he is seeing you more as relationship material.

 

Just stick to your boundaries, to protect your heart

---- like people use No-Contact to help them heal in breakups and Non-Chalance in dating to protect themselves keep from letting their emotions go overboard when the other may not be as invested...

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Originally Posted by DreamerGirl27

that me being over him was a phase.

 

I talked to him til 4 in the morning last night, some deep conversation and neither one of us got any sleep for school this morning.

 

That was one long conversation. Perhaps you two are connecting, and maybe he is seeing you more as relationship material.

 

Just stick to your boundaries, to protect your heart

---- like people use No-Contact to help them heal in breakups and Non-Chalance in dating to protect themselves keep from letting their emotions go overboard when the other may not be as invested...

Did anything come out of that long, intimate conversation?

 

Have you two had more conversations like that?

 

Am assuming this was on the phone, not you lying next to him in bed.:o

 

If I talked with a woman for hours on end, I'd sense she was feeling something for me and would likely pursue a relationship with her.

 

If we can ask, what topics did you two discuss? His sexual conquests?:o

 

Otherwise, if he isn't coming your way, use Non-Chalance like I recommended.

Stop being "so available" and "always there" for him.

 

As you two have classes together, just walk away after classes are over. Don't always "be there" for him. Methinks he's kinda taking you for granted.

Make him "come to you..."

If he suddenly realizes you're not "always around," perhaps he'll start getting feelings for you and get afraid you won't always be there.

 

You don't want to be his best friend.

You want to be his love and hopefully later, lover.

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ALonerAgain
Otherwise, if he isn't coming your way, use Non-Chalance like I recommended.

Stop being "so available" and "always there" for him.

 

As you two have classes together, just walk away after classes are over. Don't always "be there" for him. Methinks he's kinda taking you for granted.

Make him "come to you..."

If he suddenly realizes you're not "always around," perhaps he'll start getting feelings for you and get afraid you won't always be there.

 

You don't want to be his best friend.

You want to be his love and hopefully later, lover.

 

Wise words, Floridaman, although many others have already suggested she takes this tact.

 

It would be interesting if DreamerGirl (ever) takes up the advice ...

Edited by ALonerAgain
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