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I feel bad about what I'm doing with this new guy


DreamerGirl27

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DreamerGirl27

The guy I like is all wrong for me, and I am talking to a new guy, but I'm doing it to make the other guy jealous. I don't like the new guy. I've yet to meet up with him, but I can see myself leaving this guy if my friend ever changes his mind.

 

The guy I like...is a porn addicted, aholey guy who talks about only wanting sex all the time, who doesn't get it because I don't think that's all he really wants and has been there for me and probably always will be.

 

He just doesn't want to grow up, though.

 

If I get with this new guy, you can better believe I will leave him for my friend if my friend ever comes around.

 

But I want a boyfriend NOW, not later. I fee like I'm rushing into things just simply because I do not want to wait for what I really want. I also feel that I'm becoming desperate and taking the best new thing I can get, because I'm afraid that what I really do want will never come around.

 

I don't know what to do.

 

This new guy seems sweet, but I have yet to meet him, but we are talking about meeting up. All I keep thinking about is my friend, though. I have his voice in my head every time this new guy texts me.

 

This sucks. :(

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The guy I like is all wrong for me, and I am talking to a new guy, but I'm doing it to make the other guy jealous. I don't like the new guy. I've yet to meet up with him, but I can see myself leaving this guy if my friend ever changes his mind.

 

The guy I like...is a porn addicted, aholey guy who talks about only wanting sex all the time, who doesn't get it because I don't think that's all he really wants and has been there for me and probably always will be.

 

He just doesn't want to grow up, though.

 

If I get with this new guy, you can better believe I will leave him for my friend if my friend ever comes around.

 

But I want a boyfriend NOW, not later. I fee like I'm rushing into things just simply because I do not want to wait for what I really want. I also feel that I'm becoming desperate and taking the best new thing I can get, because I'm afraid that what I really do want will never come around.

 

I don't know what to do.

 

This new guy seems sweet, but I have yet to meet him, but we are talking about meeting up. All I keep thinking about is my friend, though. I have his voice in my head every time this new guy texts me.

 

This sucks. :(

 

You should feel bad....

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Don't do it. Not only is it wrong to play one guy against another, but it's despicable to treat another human being as you are doing. If the porn addict doesn't grow up, you have your answer... "move on".

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Ross MwcFan

It's so bad that you're only talking to that new guy to make the other guy jealous.

 

Don't meet him if all you're doing is using him and that you'll just drop him like a hot potato if the other guy comes around.

 

Hopefully what you really do want wont ever come around, because you don't deserve it at all.

 

Maybe it's because of your attitude why so many guys are never interested in you for anything more than a **** buddy.

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Maybe try telling both what you feel in a clear and precise way and what you'd like to happen.

 

For instance, guy you're not interested in: "I'm not interested in you and have feelings for someone else, so I'm calling it off between you and me."

 

And guy you are interested in: "I like you and, to be honest, have feelings for you. I don't like how much you talk about sex and I feel a bit put off by your porn addiction. I'd like to know what you want from me? Is it just sex, or do you feel we can be something more than that? Don't get me wrong - I like sex, and it'd be fun with you, and there's so much more to you that I like too"

Edited by betterdeal
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DreamerGirl27
Maybe try telling both what you feel in a clear and precise way and what you'd like to happen.

 

For instance, guy you're not interested in: "I'm not interested in you and have feelings for someone else, so I'm calling it off between you and me."

 

And guy you are interested in: "I like you and, to be honest, have feelings for you. I don't like how much you talk about sex and I feel a bit put off by your porn addiction. I'd like to know what you want from me? Is it just sex, or do you feel we can be something more than that? Don't get me wrong - I like sex, and it'd be fun with you, and there's so much more to you that I like too"

 

 

at this point in time, he's not even looking for sex with me, he just likes to constantly say he needs it

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The guy I like is all wrong for me,

 

The guy I like...is a porn addicted, aholey guy who talks about only wanting sex all the time,

 

He just doesn't want to grow up, though.

And you like him because?

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EyesWideOpen
The guy I like is all wrong for me, and I am talking to a new guy, but I'm doing it to make the other guy jealous. I don't like the new guy. I've yet to meet up with him, but I can see myself leaving this guy if my friend ever changes his mind.

 

This sounds quite bratty. You should feel bad. You have all the wrong intentions, and are feeding the other guy false hope and wasting his time.

 

 

The guy I like...is a porn addicted, aholey guy who talks about only wanting sex all the time, who doesn't get it because I don't think that's all he really wants and has been there for me and probably always will be.

 

He just doesn't want to grow up, though.

 

If I get with this new guy, you can better believe I will leave him for my friend if my friend ever comes around.

 

Nice to know that you're willing to make excuses for him. That will serve him well if he ever decides he just wants to have sex with you. I forsee a post in the distant future stating something to the effect of "I can't believe he would use me like that".

 

And not only that, but you would give up a potentially good thing for that opportunity?

*shakes head*

 

But I want a boyfriend NOW, not later.

 

Why do you feel the need to have a boyfriend right now so badly? I mean...that seems to be the real issue here. You're trying to force something with someone whom you're not really giving a true opportunity just to try and force someone else into being someone other than who they are.

 

Certainly you must be able to see how flawed this tactic is.

And surely you must be able to see that the porn addict isn't even worth chasing. Thus, you're already settling by allowing him this much control over your choices.

 

 

While I don't advocate dating someone you're not interested in, I also think it's a horrible plan to wait around for someone who sounds pretty much like a jerk.

Perhaps you should work on getting over the jerk (which would likely involve not staying in contact), and THEN look to meet people whom you have a genuine interest in.

Edited by EyesWideOpen
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DreamerGirl27
This sounds quite bratty. You should feel bad. You have all the wrong intentions, and are feeding the other guy false hope and wasting his time.

 

 

 

 

Nice to know that you're willing to make excuses for him. That will serve him well if he ever decides he just wants to have sex with you. I forsee a post in the distant future stating something to the effect of "I can't believe he would use me like that".

 

And not only that, but you would give up a potentially good thing for that opportunity?

*shakes head*

 

 

 

Why do you feel the need to have a boyfriend right now so badly? I mean...that seems to be the real issue here. You're trying to force something with someone whom you're not really giving a true opportunity just to try and force someone else into being someone other than who they are.

 

Certainly you must be able to see how flawed this tactic is.

And surely you must be able to see that the porn addict isn't even worth chasing. Thus, you're already settling by allowing him this much control over your choices.

 

 

While I don't advocate dating someone you're not interested in, I also think it's a horrible plan to wait around for someone who sounds pretty much like a jerk.

Perhaps you should work on getting over the jerk (which would likely involve not staying in contact), and THEN look to meet people whom you have a genuine interest in.

 

 

I don't have a genuine interest in anybody else. I don't think he's a jerk. The porn stuff doesn't bother me. What would bother me is a Christian goody goody who thinks he can't watch it.

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at this point in time, he's not even looking for sex with me, he just likes to constantly say he needs it

 

Have you asked him if he would like to be your boyfriend, with sex included?

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DreamerGirl27
Have you asked him if he would like to be your boyfriend, with sex included?

 

nope, I've just told him flat out I like him like that.

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EyesWideOpen
I don't have a genuine interest in anybody else. I don't think he's a jerk. The porn stuff doesn't bother me. What would bother me is a Christian goody goody who thinks he can't watch it.

 

Then I would suggest not approaching it by calling him an "aholey guy", and bringing up his porn addiction in a negative light.

 

 

Seriously though, if you want to wait around forever for this dipweed...that's your problem.

 

But don't make it someone else's problem by falsely leading them on just to use them as a manipulation tactic against the person you actually want to be with.

That's wrong. You know this. Otherwise you wouldn't feel bad, now would you?

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I can see your future threads already: "OMG, why can't I find a decent guy....they're all either married, gay or jerks.... like wtf????....."

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DreamerGirl27
Then I would suggest not approaching it by calling him an "aholey guy", and bringing up his porn addiction in a negative light.

 

 

Seriously though, if you want to wait around forever for this dipweed...that's your problem.

 

But don't make it someone else's problem by falsely leading them on just to use them as a manipulation tactic against the person you actually want to be with.

That's wrong. You know this. Otherwise you wouldn't feel bad, now would you?

 

He's not a dipweed, thanks.

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EyesWideOpen
He's not a dipweed, thanks.

 

Seriously??

You've sat and told us how he is...

-"all wrong for you"

-"porn addicted"

-an "aholey guy"

-who's "only wanting sex all the time"

-who "doesn't want to grow up"

-who is "not even looking for sex with [you]"

 

And now you're going to sit here and say he isn't a jerk, and he isn't a dipweed, and you don't actually have a problem with the porn.

 

 

If you think this guy is so great, why don't you just date him? Doesn't it strike you as a little bit b*tchy to USE another person as pawn to make this other guy....who's got all these faults but ISN'T a jerk or a dipweed (lol)....jealous?

 

Flip it back on yourself. Would YOU like it if some guy, who you actually had a genuine interest in, started dating you even though he didn't actually like you all that much and was more interested in someone else? Would it not bother you that he has no intention of developing an actual relationship with you, and who's only reason for dating you is to make another girl (who, to all appearances is a mess) jealous?

Would you really be okay with that? Because most people would be hurt and down right p*ssed off. Which is what you're setting up for the other poor schmuck.

 

 

I think you need a reality check. Rather than playing games to get to Mr. Fantastic, why aren't you just dating him instead?

Is it because he won't date you? If so, that should tell you something...

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DreamerGirl27
Seriously??

You've sat and told us how he is...

-"all wrong for you"

_I don't think he is

-"porn addicted"

-That doesn't bother me

-an "aholey guy"

-The only aholey thing I think he's doing is leading me on and keeping me a friend...guys and girls are not "friends"

-who's "only wanting sex all the time"

-he talks about it frequently, but I can't tell if he's trying to bait me into saying, "Okay, I'll be over in a few" because I usually don't respond to him when he starts talking about sex, because I want a serious relationship with him...i.e. I'm serious about him

-who "doesn't want to grow up"

-he's 4 years younger than me and this is surprising? Why do you think I'm holding out with him on the "friendship" thing?

-who is "not even looking for sex with [you]"

-I have no idea if he is, like I said, I don't respond to him when he starts the "sex" talk, because I am serious about him and am not only out for sex with him.

 

 

You don't talk to your "girl" friends, who are just "friends" about needing to get laid frequently and then throw it in their face that it's not with them that they're wanting to get laid with. He hasn't done this, but that would be ridiculous if he did.

 

He just constantly tells me that he needs to get laid and tells me I should get laid, but I don't usually respond to him when he says stuff like that.

 

Regardless of all of that, you do not talk to your "friends" about stuff like that. It isn't appropriate.

 

Hence, the fact that, a man's "friend zone" is a lot different than a woman's "friend zone". Which is the only reason I'm keeping him around.

 

 

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Maybe you should stop obsessing about your dream relationship, go over to his place, whip his dick out, and show him what you can do those porn girls can't. You are already close as friends with the addition of the sex you'll pretty much have a relationship. Only difference is he won't be calling you girlfriend but with time he might. Then I won't have to hear you BAWWWWW about the guy you can have but can't have.

 

If you are actually good friends with him and you are both sexually attracted to each other then you are already in a sexless relationship with him. Are you going to play temple virgin forever convulsing in ecstatic fits praying for the day he'll come down from Olympus and take you on the altar to be eternally his?

 

You need to take a first step and see how it goes. That first step is initiating a make out session. It might go somewhere. It might go no further than friends with benefits. Give it time to ferment and develop for a few months then make a choice to stay or leave. You don't have anything better to do so you have the time to wait a little. Having anything in the short term would be better than going after guys who disgust you as you make yourself insane with an obsession over a friend. If it doesn't pan out at all at least you tried something instead of being stuck in limbo but you can't stay in limbo whether you try or not. In case it fails after a couple months to meet normal, sane expectations then you need to become a very distant acquaintance and nothing more.

 

If he throws you off as soon as you attempt to mount him then you need to move on and cut him out of your life. Since you already think of him as more he isn't really your friend but a potential SO. If you can't be his SO you won't be able to be just good friends. You went past the cliff edge and the point of no return a couple miles back. You need to brace for impact and hope for the best.

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DreamerGirl27
Maybe you should stop obsessing about your dream relationship, go over to his place, whip his dick out, and show him what you can do those porn girls can't. You are already close as friends with the addition of the sex you'll pretty much have a relationship. Only difference is he won't be calling you girlfriend but with time he might. Then I won't have to hear you BAWWWWW about the guy you can have but can't have.

 

If you are actually good friends with him and you are both sexually attracted to each other then you are already in a sexless relationship with him. Are you going to play temple virgin forever convulsing in ecstatic fits praying for the day he'll come down from Olympus and take you on the altar to be eternally his?

 

You need to take a first step and see how it goes. That first step is initiating a make out session. It might go somewhere. It might go no further than friends with benefits. Give it time to ferment and develop for a few months then make a choice to stay or leave. You don't have anything better to do so you have the time to wait a little. Having anything in the short term would be better than going after guys who disgust you as you make yourself insane with an obsession over a friend. If it doesn't pan out at all at least you tried something instead of being stuck in limbo but you can't stay in limbo whether you try or not. In case it fails after a couple months to meet normal, sane expectations then you need to become a very distant acquaintance and nothing more.

 

If he throws you off as soon as you attempt to mount him then you need to move on and cut him out of your life. Since you already think of him as more he isn't really your friend but a potential SO. If you can't be his SO you won't be able to be just good friends. You went past the cliff edge and the point of no return a couple miles back. You need to brace for impact and hope for the best.

 

Because I don't want FWB, I am serious about him and I want him to be serious about me. I won't go for any of that nonsense, sexual, FWB stuff until AFTER the ring is on my finger.

 

Well, not literally, I wouldn't wait that long, but I want something serious. I don't want to "test drive the car" before buying and he constantly says there's nothing wrong with it.

 

Well, yeah, there kinda is. I'm not a Honda Civic. If I were a Honda Civic, I'd say test drive me, but a Honda Civic is not going to cry if it gets rejected after test driving it.

 

I will.

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The guy I like is all wrong for me, and I am talking to a new guy, but I'm doing it to make the other guy jealous. I don't like the new guy. I've yet to meet up with him, but I can see myself leaving this guy if my friend ever changes his mind.

 

The guy I like...is a porn addicted, aholey guy who talks about only wanting sex all the time, who doesn't get it because I don't think that's all he really wants and has been there for me and probably always will be.

 

He just doesn't want to grow up, though.

 

If I get with this new guy, you can better believe I will leave him for my friend if my friend ever comes around.

 

But I want a boyfriend NOW, not later. I fee like I'm rushing into things just simply because I do not want to wait for what I really want. I also feel that I'm becoming desperate and taking the best new thing I can get, because I'm afraid that what I really do want will never come around.

 

I don't know what to do.

 

This new guy seems sweet, but I have yet to meet him, but we are talking about meeting up. All I keep thinking about is my friend, though. I have his voice in my head every time this new guy texts me.

 

This sucks. :(

 

You're a prime example to set for most women, where guys like me have long since wised up and learned to not take you seriously lol. Nor would I fall hard for a woman; just isn't worth it these days, unfortunately :cool:.

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Because I don't want FWB, I am serious about him and I want him to be serious about me. I won't go for any of that nonsense, sexual, FWB stuff until AFTER the ring is on my finger.

 

Well, not literally, I wouldn't wait that long, but I want something serious. I don't want to "test drive the car" before buying and he constantly says there's nothing wrong with it.

 

Well, yeah, there kinda is. I'm not a Honda Civic. If I were a Honda Civic, I'd say test drive me, but a Honda Civic is not going to cry if it gets rejected after test driving it.

 

I will.

What's better: going steadily crazier and crazier with this fetish or going after him with only the possibility of tears in the future? You have fears for tears but you can't know you have tears to fear. Until you make a move whether it is to pursue him or leave him you won't be able to get this zealous, unrequited infatuation out of your system. Maybe that's all you really want and the rest is a ruse being perpetrated even on yourself.

 

If you don't want to make a pass at him to kick start a possible relationship then you know what to do. You need to remove him from your life and never contact him again.

 

With the way you act here you only come off as very standoffish, hard to get, and impossible to please. Have you ever done anything to show you are receptive to more than the sexless relationship you have right now, are willing to give, are not just a taker, and are not simply keen on depriving him of his sexual liberty if you got together by providing him with no sex life what so ever like flirting, light touching, little kisses, holding, etc.?

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DreamerGirl27
What's better: going steadily crazier and crazier with this fetish or going after him with only the possibility of tears in the future? You have fears for tears but you can't know you have tears to fear. Until you make a move whether it is to pursue him or leave him you won't be able to get this zealous, unrequited infatuation out of your system. Maybe that's all you really want and the rest is a ruse being perpetrated even on yourself.

 

If you don't want to make a pass at him to kick start a possible relationship then you know what to do. You need to remove him from your life and never contact him again.

 

With the way you act here you only come off as very standoffish, hard to get, and impossible to please. Have you ever done anything to show you are receptive to more than the sexless relationship you have right now, are willing to give, are not just a taker, and are not simply keen on depriving him of his sexual liberty if you got together by providing him with no sex life what so ever like flirting, light touching, little kisses, holding, etc.?

 

yes, I flirt with him, if that's what you're asking. I'm not going after him, I don't believe men and women are wired that way. He has to make the first move.

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yes, I flirt with him, if that's what you're asking. I'm not going after him, I don't believe men and women are wired that way. He has to make the first move.

He already made the first move. He constantly talks about sex with you and he even sexually propositioned you. You have rejected his offer, shut out his sexts, and declined his advance showing your disinterest. GAME OVER! Time to move on.

 

What have you discussed with him exactly about relationships/sex and what was his opinion? Is he even interested in LTR or marriage? Could he see himself being interested in a LTR or marriage with you? Is he only interested in ONS and FWB?

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Ross MwcFan
Because I don't want FWB, I am serious about him and I want him to be serious about me. I won't go for any of that nonsense, sexual, FWB stuff until AFTER the ring is on my finger.

 

You say you don't like Christian goody goody's, yet you're totally sounding like one yourself. :confused:

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