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Guys are weird


DreamerGirl27

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DreamerGirl27

most of them ignore me, even the ones I just want to be friends with, because in the past or currently they've seen me as more than just a friend.

 

I was just telling my girlfriend tonight that she shouldn't view every single guy as a potential mate and just to chill and relax and be friends. I can't even do that myself. Most of my guy friends view ME as a potential something. Even the ones that are now married and I just miss their friendship.

 

I just tried talking to 2 of my guy friends and they both ignored me as usual. It was just a friggin' IM on facebook for crying out loud. One of these friends I dated once, but I never had the guts to tell him I only view him as a friend, I just went along with it 'cause he accused me of being too picky, so I caved and dated him a few times. He's married now, so I don't know if he finds it awkward or something to talk to me, because he thinks there was "something there". There never was. I really enjoyed him as a friend, but nothing more. I used to be one of those people that think guys and girls can't be just friends, but I only think that's true if one or both parties have feelings. I don't have feelings for the majority of my male friends, but they treat me as a potential mate.

 

Why can't I just chill and IM my dude friends and not have them ignore me or turn it into something weird, like I do with my girlfriends?

 

It seems like every single one of my male friends that I don't want anything sexual to do with, wants me as a girlfriend or a potential mate or a booty call or a sex object.

 

I only like one guy right now and he's the only one who I want to view me as something more and he just wants to be friends.

 

FML:mad:

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Don't be so hard on yourself, DreamerGirl. It's great and admirable that you value friendship much more than sexual relationships. Unfortunately, the "guy gene" is not hard-wired that way, especially in your age group (I'm guessing early-to-mid twenties... forgive me if I'm wrong). I know, I was one of those "weird guys", myself. :)

 

Unfortunately, the one that you find attractive on a deeper level is not reciprocating your feelings, so you feel stuck between the two types of guys (Guys you want to be friends with but only want sex from you vs. Guy(s) you want to be intimate with but only want to be your friend).

 

My suggestion for you would be to expand your friend circle a little more. Yes, you'll probably end up with a few more "Booty Callers" than Gentlemen, but you do have the final say in the matter.

 

Best of luck! Don't give up so soon! ;)

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And I bet your guy friends think you are weird for wanting to talk with them after you rejected them. Why should you get what you want, (friendship, conversation) while they can't.

 

There never was. I really enjoyed him as a friend, but nothing more.

That in itself is really weird.

 

My main gripe with girls is them really liking me as a friend, but they wouldn't dream of kissing me.

 

That just doesn't add up. I wouldn't spend any alone time with a girl if I didn't want to date her.

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MistaDynamic

I wouldn't spend any alone time with a girl if I didn't want to date her.

 

 

So true.

 

I have women in family,women I know (friend's sisters,friend's ex-girlfriends,etc) and women I f**k. Women are not my friends. Why would any man want a woman friend?

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DreamerGirl27
So true.

 

I have women in family,women I know (friend's sisters,friend's ex-girlfriends,etc) and women I f**k. Women are not my friends. Why would any man want a woman friend?

 

The only one I like wants just that. Friendship. Why do you think I like him? He views me as more than just a sex object to where now I'M viewing HIM as a sex object. He has respect for me outside of the bedroom. He sees me as an actual PERSON first, not just something with boobs.

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DreamerGirl27
And I bet your guy friends think you are weird for wanting to talk with them after you rejected them. Why should you get what you want, (friendship, conversation) while they can't.

 

 

That in itself is really weird.

 

My main gripe with girls is them really liking me as a friend, but they wouldn't dream of kissing me.

 

That just doesn't add up. I wouldn't spend any alone time with a girl if I didn't want to date her.

 

 

If a guy can hang out with me and spend alone time with me without bringing up dating or love or wanting to jump my bones, he's okay in my book. Probably why I have fallen so hard for this guy. I'm a pretty girl, not gonna lie. But when EVERY single guy is falling all over you JUST because of the fact that you're hot, it's not a compliment, it's an insult. That doesn't make a girl feel all tingly inside, it makes her want to run.

 

So, I finally found a guy who can look past my looks and I am head over heels. Unfortunately, I can't tell right now if my actual friend that's a guy that I do have sees me on the other spectrum of attractive to the point of unattractive. I'm so worried about that...but that's the thing, he makes me think. I don't know I "have" him, I have no idea what he's thinking. I've never had a problem getting a guy to date me and all of a sudden this guy comes along who's just like, "yeah I just wanna be your friend" and isn't all "you're a hottie, omg, date me" and I'm like...whoa, wth is going on here? He does stuff that makes me THINK he likes me, but then he says he just wants to be friends and I'm totally thrown for a loop here and kept guessing.

 

I'd like to eventually stop guessing one day and have him be my boyfriend, but just the fact that he's taken all this time to just be my friend and he's NOT a guy that I'm sleeping with... It's special when a guy like that sticks around. You're right, men aren't wired that way, which is what makes it so much more special when one sticks around who doesn't just want to bone you right away.

 

I'm totally smitten by my friend, because he is the only true male FRIEND I've ever had.

 

Girls don't like it when all you view them as is a potential partner and even vice versa. I'm a person first and just like with my other guy friends it's just like...okay, can we get passed the "you're hot as hell and I want to date you" and can you just TALK to me and get to know me?

 

No guy has ever done that for me, so the first one that has come along that does, hell yeah I fell. And hard.

 

He respects the relationship he has with me. He really respects it. That's totally hawt. :love:

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DreamerGirl27
Don't be so hard on yourself, DreamerGirl. It's great and admirable that you value friendship much more than sexual relationships. Unfortunately, the "guy gene" is not hard-wired that way, especially in your age group (I'm guessing early-to-mid twenties... forgive me if I'm wrong). I know, I was one of those "weird guys", myself. :)

 

Unfortunately, the one that you find attractive on a deeper level is not reciprocating your feelings, so you feel stuck between the two types of guys (Guys you want to be friends with but only want sex from you vs. Guy(s) you want to be intimate with but only want to be your friend).

 

My suggestion for you would be to expand your friend circle a little more. Yes, you'll probably end up with a few more "Booty Callers" than Gentlemen, but you do have the final say in the matter.

 

Best of luck! Don't give up so soon! ;)

 

Thanks. I just figured out why I'm so smitten by my friend. Because of just that. He's really my actual friend. He's not just some guy trying to date me. He's willing to spend hours on end talking to me, without bringing up dating at all.

 

I've fallen hard. :love: lol

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If a guy can hang out with me and spend alone time with me without bringing up dating or love or wanting to jump my bones, he's okay in my book.

What do you mean by okay?

 

Probably why I have fallen so hard for this guy. I'm a pretty girl, not gonna lie. But when EVERY single guy is falling all over you JUST because of the fact that you're hot, it's not a compliment, it's an insult. That doesn't make a girl feel all tingly inside, it makes her want to run.

What makes you think that men are falling for you just because you think you're hot?

 

Sounds to me like you're stuck-up.

 

If you're actually insulted because a guy is attracted to you, you're probably going to spend the rest of your life alone.

So, I finally found a guy who can look past my looks and I am head over heels. Unfortunately, I can't tell right now if my actual friend that's a guy that I do have sees me on the other spectrum of attractive to the point of unattractive. I'm so worried about that...but that's the thing, he makes me think. I don't know I "have" him, I have no idea what he's thinking.

So you're into him because he doesn't want you? And the title of this thread is "girls are weird..."

I've never had a problem getting a guy to date me and all of a sudden this guy comes along who's just like, "yeah I just wanna be your friend" and isn't all "you're a hottie, omg, date me" and I'm like...whoa, wth is going on here? He does stuff that makes me THINK he likes me, but then he says he just wants to be friends and I'm totally thrown for a loop here and kept guessing.

Hmm, what stuff does he do that makes you think he might be interested? I'm curious about that.

I'm totally smitten by my friend, because he is the only true male FRIEND I've ever had.

 

Girls don't like it when all you view them as is a potential partner and even vice versa. I'm a person first and just like with my other guy friends it's just like...okay, can we get passed the "you're hot as hell and I want to date you" and can you just TALK to me and get to know me?

I've had many female friends in the past who I secretly liked but never let them know, and they never fell for me. The only reason we stopped being friends was because I finally confessed and they didn't like me at all.
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DreamerGirl27
What do you mean by okay?

 

What makes you think that men are falling for you just because you think you're hot?

 

They have in the past, or currently, asked me out on a date or flat out told me.

 

 

Hmm, what stuff does he do that makes you think he might be interested? I'm curious about that.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t271567/

 

I'm linking you here, because I've already talked about it before. Pretty much everything he does is in there, minus the IMing me constantly.

 

 

 

I've had many female friends in the past who I secretly liked but never let them know, and they never fell for me. The only reason we stopped being friends was because I finally confessed and they didn't like me at all.

 

I like being friends with guys. I like to talk...a lot. I can't even get to the point where I've even figured out if I like you if all you've done is just asked me out on dates. I want to get to know you on a "no pressure" level first. Then decide if I like you. I don't like dating. Rarely do it. I like to chill and be friends. If I like you as a person after that, if you can talk to me without wanting to get in my pants right away, that's a plus for you.

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TheLoneSock

Yes, guys are weird. But remember, anything we can do you can do better. You can do anything better than us; including being weird. In fact, you do.

 

:D

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DreamerGirl27
Yes, guys are weird. But remember, anything we can do you can do better. You can do anything better than us; including being weird. In fact, you do.

 

:D

 

Women do not do things better than men, and men do not do things better than women. There are things women do better than men and vice versa, but the sexes are equal.

 

So no, I am not weirder than men. :cool:

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The behaviour of these guys doesn't equate to "weird".... At some point, you've rejected these guys- they wanted something more and you didn't. You can't expect that after rejecting them you can have your friendship with them, because- THEY'VE MOVED ON!

 

Some guys will be happy with just a friendship, many will just move on to the next potential mate. I don't understand why that wouldn't make sense to you.

 

If you really like a guy and he tells you he just wants to be friends- but he keeps wanting to just chat as friends, you'd see that as confusing and probably wonder "why the f&ck are you still reaching out to me???"

 

If any of these guys are dating someone new, your purpose has been served and been deemed obsolete. Friendship isn't an option anymore for them because it becomes a detriment to their new relationship to be up late IM'ing with an old love interest. Not sure why that doesn't make sense to you.

 

Men and women can be friends without drama, but the circumstances have to be right. If you're wondering why guys you've rejected in the past can't get over it and keep being your friend, you're not being realistic. If they are married now, or in a relationship, they won't have the time or inclination to spend moments they could be spending with their SO's to spend time with you- and that's reasonable, don't you think????

 

If you met someone special and started a relationship, would you want to spend time Im'ing past potential flings? You probably wouldn't have time to be posting on LS.

 

No dude is going to make you a priority when you rejected them previously, understanding that should just be common sense.

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DreamerGirl27
If you really like a guy and he tells you he just wants to be friends- but he keeps wanting to just chat as friends, you'd see that as confusing and probably wonder "why the f&ck are you still reaching out to me???"
Well actually, I am in that situation right now and it is rather confusing. lol

 

 

 

 

 

If you met someone special and started a relationship, would you want to spend time Im'ing past potential flings? You probably wouldn't have time to be posting on LS.
I don't view these guys as flings, though. Because I never liked them like that.

 

No dude is going to make you a priority when you rejected them previously, understanding that should just be common sense.

 

I would figure, that if they are already online and talking to other people...they should be able to make time to just chat. It's just facebook.

 

I don't know.

 

I'm so confused right now, because I have been friend zoned by this dude and he keeps constantly reaching out to me and just thinks it's perfectly fine and dandy.

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If you REALLY want guys to be 'just friends' and only have one genuinely want to date you for your personality, try shaving your hair off and eating a jumbo size pack of doughnuts every day. Soon enough guys will stop hitting on you. And you might realise you shouldn't take what you have for granted.

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DreamerGirl27
If you REALLY want guys to be 'just friends' and only have one genuinely want to date you for your personality, try shaving your hair off and eating a jumbo size pack of doughnuts every day. Soon enough guys will stop hitting on you. And you might realise you shouldn't take what you have for granted.

 

 

I do take what I have for granted, though. Because I want to be friends with every single dude that's been interested me and I'm only interested in the only guy that just wants to be friends.

 

Christ...I can't win.

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TheLoneSock
I do take what I have for granted, though. Because I want to be friends with every single dude that's been interested me and I'm only interested in the only guy that just wants to be friends.

 

Christ...I can't win.

 

The power of rejection is... well, powerful.

 

The only guy you want is the one who has rejected you, and that is why you can't figure out why the guys you've rejected don't feel drawn to you like you do to the guy that has rejected you.

 

And you say guys are weird. You have a ton to learn.

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Eddie Edirol

You just want these guys to be friends with you so you can get some unearned attention, so you wont be lonely. if you stop chasing the guy that isnt into you, you can find someone who is, and you wont NEED the attention and ego feed from other guys so badly. You cant expect guys to keep chasing you after youve already turned them down, you shouldnt.

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DreamerGirl27
You just want these guys to be friends with you so you can get some unearned attention, so you wont be lonely. if you stop chasing the guy that isnt into you, you can find someone who is, and you wont NEED the attention and ego feed from other guys so badly. You cant expect guys to keep chasing you after youve already turned them down, you shouldnt.

 

I don't want attention. Not sexual anyway. I want a friend.

 

Christ...men are stupid. It's clear.

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You're the one who is trying to pretend that there is nothing sexual between men and women.

 

Guys cannot act like your girlfriends. They aren't girls.

 

So you found one guy whose not into you and now you're all over him. I distinctively remember you saying that you are not into guys who are interested in you.

 

That's something that you need to work on. Or you can chose to keep chasing people that just want to be friends. Maybe you'll get lucky and they'll let you be a FWB.

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DreamerGirl27

Because the best and most healthiest relationships and the person you wind up marrying are BEST FRIENDS, not dating partners!!

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TheLoneSock
Because the best and most healthiest relationships and the person you wind up marrying are BEST FRIENDS, not dating partners!!

 

:o

 

The romance comes first, best friends comes after - I'm sorry to say. Again, you've a lot to learn :)

 

I used to think that way too!

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You seem like a nice person but you are going about this the wrong way. You don't want to date guys who are attracted to you, but you DO want to date guys who aren't attracted / only see you as a friend. No matter how much you want to wish it will work out the fact is the chances of a relationship developing out of this are veeeery slim. For some people it might never occur.

 

A relationship starts when 2 people have a mutual attraction. Doesn't work if only 1 person does. After rejection we just have to pick ourselves up and find the next person, and so on. So maybe give some of those guys who are into you a chance (only if you find them attractive as well though that is). Believe it or not for a lot of guys the main goal isn't just to bang you and then dump you. Men want companionship and romance as well. No one likes being alone. Sex is admittedly the final goal (but really it is for everyone... how else would our species survive?) but in a loving relationship that is perfectly acceptable in my opinion.

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Because the best and most healthiest relationships and the person you wind up marrying are BEST FRIENDS, not dating partners!!

I've been rejected by three girls who I considered my best friend at the time I knew them.

 

Would you mind explaining your side to them?

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DreamerGirl27
You seem like a nice person but you are going about this the wrong way. You don't want to date guys who are attracted to you, but you DO want to date guys who aren't attracted / only see you as a friend. No matter how much you want to wish it will work out the fact is the chances of a relationship developing out of this are veeeery slim. For some people it might never occur.

 

A relationship starts when 2 people have a mutual attraction. Doesn't work if only 1 person does. After rejection we just have to pick ourselves up and find the next person, and so on. So maybe give some of those guys who are into you a chance (only if you find them attractive as well though that is). Believe it or not for a lot of guys the main goal isn't just to bang you and then dump you. Men want companionship and romance as well. No one likes being alone. Sex is admittedly the final goal (but really it is for everyone... how else would our species survive?) but in a loving relationship that is perfectly acceptable in my opinion.

 

 

In a room full of about 30 people, 75% of them being male, tonight I was only attracted to my friend.

 

I'm not attracted to 99.9% of my male friends.

 

So, your little advice on that...isn't gonna work out. Seeing as I'm only attracted to one guy right now. There are a couple guys that I was attracted to in the past...but one of them is married (our personalities wouldn't have meshed anyway) and the other one...well, he's just okay.

 

I'm incredibly picky.

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