jamesmadison Posted October 8, 2003 Share Posted October 8, 2003 I had the same problem as Mr.PhantomHead- I had a friend that i sort of liked when we first met in college and worked In Theatre together. We supported each other in our goals and she would help me out and i would help her out, sort of like best friends. But after a while I sort of just tolerated her after a while because of conflicting interests, social views, religious views etc..and she constantly talked about herself, whenever we talked on the phone or in person she'd repeat stories she'd told me in the past, forgetting that she told them to me in the first place. She could go on for hours on the phone. I pretty much knew all there was to know about her and she hardly asked about my life. I'm just not that much of a bragger or a talker. I would share stuff, when i could get a word in, but sometimes she'd even finish my sentences for me. I mentioned something about her overanalyzing things too much one time and she got Really, really ofeended and defensive and started lecturing me on how she's not that way and just got really nasty, so i hung up on her. I sent her an email saying pretty much "Nice knowing you, but there's things about your personality that I just don't like anymore, Good luck to you and i wish you well". her repsonse was "WHATEVER." That was 6 months ago, ever since then i've felt fine with being honest BUT i've wanted to email her back and tell her all the crap that led me to not wanting to talk to her anymore or pretty much just tell her why I can't be her friend "in detail". But I wonder if it would do any good, help her change her ways. Mostly because, It bugs me that she walks around in life with sucha big ego, thinking i'm the one with the problem and thinking she's just the greatest person in the world. She's lost a couple of other friendships in the past, due to her personality and ways and i feel like telling her, to help her out too. she's needs a bit of a reality check. Should I Bother??????? Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted October 8, 2003 Share Posted October 8, 2003 don't bother. If your friendship was one she valued, she would have contacted you by now. It sounds like she just needed an audience, someone to nod their head in agreement to whatever came out of her mouth, more than she needed a person's friendship. Now, IF you happen to run into her and she asks why you dissolved the friendship, feel free to tell her exactly why. Link to post Share on other sites
jamesmadison Posted October 9, 2003 Share Posted October 9, 2003 Do you think it's dumb that i sent an email breaking off our friendship rather than call and not give solid reasons why I was doing what i was doing? Was that cowardly of me? I mean, the girl is difficult to talk to, she's very opinionated and would probably let me have it, scold me so to speak, but try and be professional about it. I know her too well. every point i would have brought up, she would of had an excuse for, that's why i feel like emailing her with all the things that bugged me about her, to help her understand that I'm not the bad guy here. Link to post Share on other sites
jamesmadison Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 well, i did it. I sent her an email to ask if i could call her( to pretty much tell her what i thought of her) and she sent ME an email saying: "Well I was wondering when you were going to come to your senses, i never wanted the friendship to end, i still love you even though you've been acting dumb"......So i sent her en email back and told her everything that was bugging me. Can't wait to hear her response. I'll bet she's going to give me a lecture via email about how dumb i am and how she's perfect, but whatever, at least i go it all out and off my chest. I feel better now that all is known. Link to post Share on other sites
jamesmadison Posted October 17, 2003 Share Posted October 17, 2003 O.K. so, my friend emailed me back, said i was dumb for emailing instead of calling and proceeded to email me a very detailed list of answers to all the things i brought up about her, said she didn't think i was worth her time to email back and defend herself, but she was gonna do it anyway. She had an answer for everything. She is really set in her ways and admitted she may have been wrong on a few things but really let me have as far as telling me, I have problems and I'm more judgemental than she is and she apologized for ever assuming we were life friends. She said, it wasn't keeping her up at night NOT having me as a friend and that It must have been bugging ME, because i was the one who contacted HER...she was fine without hearing from me. I emailed back not in defense or to counterpoint (even though i wanted to , because i thought she was totally wrong on some stuff)and simply said, i didn't mean to bash her, i was just being honest and letting her know how i feel because i thought i owed it to her to be upfront and honest as to WHY I STOPPED CALLING HER......and that I didn't hate her, all that stuff, maybe i could have handled things better, but she could have to etc......But now i'm kicking myself for even re-contacting her in the first place. You guys were right, I should have just let it be. Because, she hasn't emailed me back in a week and I think she feels good that I'm, In her eyes, "squirming". What do I do now? call her and tell her forget the whole thing? I know i should just ignore it, but it sucks. I feel worse now. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted October 17, 2003 Share Posted October 17, 2003 I'm not sure what more you hope to get out of exchanges with her. It kind of sounds like maybe some part of you was thinking that by telling her what you thought of her, she would snap to her senses and apologize and change her ways. Perhaps you weren't ready to break things off, perhaps you didn't really want to terminate the friendship. It sounds like the ideal for you would have been for her to recognize her mistakes and flaws and for the friendship to continue with a New Her and a Happier You. Clearly that's not going to happen. So what more is there to say? You were polite, you didn't say anything that wasn't true (you were expressing your feelings about her, not declaring absolute truths about her character). The only reason you could possibly have for getting in touch with her is if there are things about her that make having her "friendship," such as it is, more important than the irritation etc it causes you. Does she have good connections? Is she someone who can help you in particular ways career-wise or socially? Without her are you stuck without anyone to call on weekends? It doesnt' really sound like there's anything left to salvage. If you have pragmatic reasons for wishing to maintain the connection, I'm afraid you've burned that bridge. If you don't, if this is just anxiety about knowing there's someone out there who doesn't like you -- stick it out. Who cares what she thinks? If she wants to be an idiot, that's her problem, not yours. Let her go on with her delusions of perfection, and thank goodness she won't be calling you anymore! Link to post Share on other sites
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