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I have absolutely no friends – is anyone else in the same boat?


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Old 15th January 2011, 7:53 PM   #1
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I have absolutely no friends – is anyone else in the same boat?

I am a 20 year old university student and I have zero friends.

I am a nice person and a great listener (that’s not just me tooting my own horn, other people have said that to me). I am also very friendly but because I am an introvert and am very shy people tend to overlook my qualities. Anyway for the past 4 years I have had zero friends, during the first two I did have acquaintances but for the last two years I have had no one.

I have tried everything (joining clubs, volunteering in the community, talking to people in the class) but I have been unsuccessful. People are nice to me and they talk to me but nothing ever comes out of the conversations. Once the class/club is over everyone just goes in their own separate way. They all have other friends to hang out with, they don't need me.

I had two online “friends” but they have recently stopped talking to me (for no reason at all, one day they just stopped talking to me)
I feel like there is something wrong with me and I am pretty sure that I will die alone.
I am not looking for sympathy; I just want to know if anyone else is in the same boat as me.

I just want to know that I am not alone in my friendlessness, and I want to know how other people have dealt with this issue.
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Old 15th January 2011, 10:01 PM   #2
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Your not alone im the same way im also a loner ive found the only "friends" I seam to attract are people with serious issues who need a sounding board or straight out users or a mix of both or just plain nutty ones!

So im giving up and excepting myself as I am I have a decent bf so im lucky in that sense maybe try getting a relashonship going? I don't know if your single or not but Ive found long as I have one person who I can talk to/care about im good I know easer said then done but thats my best advice...
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Old 15th January 2011, 10:09 PM   #3
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I am the same as you, in that I can be fine around people and people talk to me and are nice to me, but nothing more comes from it, because they have their own friends, and I do not appeal enough to them for them to want to get to know me better.

The sad truth is, that you need to have enough to offer for people to want to know you. What good will you offer people? Why would they want you to be around them?

I recommend just trying to be yourself, but to try to improve yourself by reading in your spare time, and just learning more and becommi ng a good version of yourself.


I start Uni in late february and to be honest, I have been lazy and have not really bothered to do much with my life until now. I am a lazy peson who does not read much and does not try hard to better themselves.

Because I do not have much to currently offer, I am not going to be surprised that no one wants to bother with me.

On the other hand, I know very well that there are ways to improve myself, and only then will I expect people to see enough potential in me, for them to feel that I would bring additional excitment to their lives.


It will be frustrating though, if once I DO do the right things ( that improve me as a person), if I STILL get no friends.
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Old 15th January 2011, 11:21 PM   #4
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I've had the same problem for years, I'm 29.

The closest thing I've had to friends, are girls that I hung out with because I wanted to date them. Once they rejected me, we stopped spending time together.

Funny thing is, I get along much better with girls than guys, and whenever I'm in a social situation, I'm always just talking to some girl. Since I never talk to guys, I don't make any guy friends.

Honestly though, I'd really won't care if I don't have any guy friends. I'd love to be like Tuxedo Mask, having a girlfriend and being friends with her friends, always surrounded by girls. And you know he's getting some on the side too

Last edited by somedude81; 15th January 2011 at 11:25 PM..
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Old 16th January 2011, 12:27 AM   #5
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What are your hobbies? I've always found it easiest to make friends through them, rather than through generic stuff like class.
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Old 16th January 2011, 10:39 AM   #6
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I think it's hard for introverts to compete in the friendship arena with the hustle and bustle activity of modern society, with the allure of television and other media, the ease of the internet and with more outgoing "fun" people.

People tend towards doing the easy thing and they will connect more readily with something or someone competing loudly for their attention (and valuable time) that promises to be entertaining. Introverts are in general harder to get to know, offering less "entertainment" value and tend to get left behind when others are making plans. Sadly many a good person has fewer friends than they ought to have because they aren't likely to call attention to themselves.

Outside of a group construct where people of all sorts are thrown together for a long enough time to observe the true value in the various involved individuals such as at work or in prep school, sadly, I can't imagine a scenario where an introvert will shine.

I'm at the other end of life and have become a bit more of an introvert as time goes on. It doesn't matter that I have a nice home, a good marriage, love my pet, had a successful career, have a lot of interests, am well educated and well read, I still have a hard time getting seen and heard long enough to be interesting to another person on casual acquaintance.

And I'm sorry to say that it's hard to change a lily into a daisy. An introvert can "fake it" for the short run and try to be the life of the party but it isn't authentic to who they are and in the end I've observed that it falls flat. I suspect we introverts are truly victims of the move from small towns and family centric living to modern urban society. If it weren't for the internet, none of us would get heard. Sadly that is also unfulfilling and people can get trapped in cyberspace lacking a more fulfilling outlet in real life.

My best suggestion is at those classes and volunteer opportunities, look for a fellow introvert on the margins of the activity, someone who seems normal enough and use your face time to connect with that person rather than the people already chatting up everyone in the room. If it seems like there might be a spark, invite that person for coffee or ice cream, find out about them and then follow up again if there might be a potential for a new friend.

Best of luck to you. It's not easy. I know that for a fact.

Last edited by vintagecat; 16th January 2011 at 10:44 AM..
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Old 16th January 2011, 10:44 AM   #7
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I think it's hard for introverts to compete in the friendship arena with the hustle and bustle activity of modern society, with the allure of television and other media, the ease of the internet and with more outgoing "fun" people.

People tend towards doing the easy thing and they will connect more readily with something or someone competing loudly for their attention and time that promises to be entertaining. Introverts are in general harder to get to know, offer less "entertainment" and tend to get left behind when others are making plans. Sadly many a good person has fewer friends than they ought to have because they aren't likely to call attention to themselves.

Outside of a group construct where people of all sorts are thrown together for a long enough time to observe the true value in the various involved individuals such as at work or in school, sadly, I can't imagine a scenario where an introvert will shine.

I'm at the other end of life and have become a bit more of an introvert as time goes on. It doesn't matter that I have a nice home, a good marriage, love my pet, have a lot of interests, am well educated and well read, I still have a hard time getting seen and heard long enough to be interesting to another person on casual acquaintance.

And I'm sorry to say that it's hard to change a lily into a daisy. An introvert can "fake it" for the short run and try to be the life of the party but it isn't authentic to who they are and in the end I've observed that it falls flat. I suspect we introverts are truly victims of the move from small towns and family centric living to modern urban society. If it weren't for the internet, none of us would get heard. Sadly that is also unfulfilling and people can get trapped in cyberspace lacking a more fulfilling outlet in real life.

My best suggestion is at those classes and volunteer opportunities, look for a fellow introvert on the margins of the activity, someone who seems normal enough and use your face time to connect with that person rather than the people already chatting up everyone in the room. If it seems like there might be a spark, invite that person for coffee, and then follow up again if there might be a potential for a new friend.

Best of luck to you. It's not easy. I know that for a fact.
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Old 16th January 2011, 12:32 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarabina View Post
I am a 20 year old university student and I have zero friends.


What do you look like? Any pictures to show?
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Old 16th January 2011, 1:35 PM   #9
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Why are you asking to see photos of her?

Sarabina I know how you are feeling, PM me if you like.

I've never really had friends and I was bullied for years at school.
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Old 16th January 2011, 1:43 PM   #10
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Sabrina, I'm sorry for how you are feeling. Feeling alone is one of the worst things in the world. To have it go on for a long time is crushing sometimes.

You are doing the right thing by going out and talking to people. Joining clubs and getting out there is the first step. There is another, however.

Have you tried asking these folks if they feel like coffee after class? Led conversations in the direction of things you find fun to do outside of the meetings? A lot of people are perfectly fine with just having small talk at those events, but they might be open to hanging out elsewhere if it's suggested. Just say "Man, rough day. Wanna grab a coffee with me after this?" or something along those lines. Just be casual. Sometimes you have to put yourself out there to see if you can bring them in.

Good luck to ya! I hope you find some folks you enjoy hanging out with!
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Old 16th January 2011, 2:23 PM   #11
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because it matters

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scottie View Post
Why are you asking to see photos of her?

Sarabina I know how you are feeling, PM me if you like.

I've never really had friends and I was bullied for years at school.


Believe it or not looks DO play a major part in a introvert life when it comes to friends.
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Old 16th January 2011, 2:54 PM   #12
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In the no friend zone

It’s been almost ten years since I’ve had a real friend. Almost two years since I’ve had any acquaintances. I’m oversensitive, always afraid of being hurt and have a bit of a social phobia, which are reasons why I have zero friends. I’ve always wanted to have a group of loyal girlfriends that I can’t trust and enjoy my time with but it’s hard for me to achieve. I’m pretty lazy in trying to make friends though I’ll volunteer, join clubs, have scheduled meet ups, get invitations and end up never going. My love life (thank god I’m attractive or I would never get a date lol) and family usually keep me entertained but when it gets old or boring I crave for friendship more then anything. So I understand your pain;(

You’re on the right track to finding new friends and I hope that you will never give up. Dating/having a bf will help a lot because you can either end up friends with his family or friends. It’s easier to make friends when I talked to another introvert or quiet type in class/workplace. Even though they maybe shy, they’re usually more appreciative of your interest. It didn’t bother me that I had to work harder to get to know them since I was the same way. Most of the time they also have problems making friends as well. I hope everything works out for you though and think positive
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Old 16th January 2011, 3:55 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vintagecat View Post
I think it's hard for introverts to compete in the friendship arena with the hustle and bustle activity of modern society, with the allure of television and other media, the ease of the internet and with more outgoing "fun" people.

People tend towards doing the easy thing and they will connect more readily with something or someone competing loudly for their attention and time that promises to be entertaining. Introverts are in general harder to get to know, offer less "entertainment" and tend to get left behind when others are making plans. Sadly many a good person has fewer friends than they ought to have because they aren't likely to call attention to themselves.

Outside of a group construct where people of all sorts are thrown together for a long enough time to observe the true value in the various involved individuals such as at work or in school, sadly, I can't imagine a scenario where an introvert will shine.

I'm at the other end of life and have become a bit more of an introvert as time goes on. It doesn't matter that I have a nice home, a good marriage, love my pet, have a lot of interests, am well educated and well read, I still have a hard time getting seen and heard long enough to be interesting to another person on casual acquaintance.

And I'm sorry to say that it's hard to change a lily into a daisy. An introvert can "fake it" for the short run and try to be the life of the party but it isn't authentic to who they are and in the end I've observed that it falls flat. I suspect we introverts are truly victims of the move from small towns and family centric living to modern urban society. If it weren't for the internet, none of us would get heard. Sadly that is also unfulfilling and people can get trapped in cyberspace lacking a more fulfilling outlet in real life.

My best suggestion is at those classes and volunteer opportunities, look for a fellow introvert on the margins of the activity, someone who seems normal enough and use your face time to connect with that person rather than the people already chatting up everyone in the room. If it seems like there might be a spark, invite that person for coffee, and then follow up again if there might be a potential for a new friend.

Best of luck to you. It's not easy. I know that for a fact.
I think that's the best advice I have ever received.
I guess from now on I should look for friendship from fellow introverts instead of focusing all my attention on the loudest of the bunch

thanks a lot
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Old 16th January 2011, 3:57 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Goldenspoon View Post
What do you look like? Any pictures to show?
I am not going to post my pics up on a forum but I have been told that I am pretty and guys hit on me when I go out (so I guess that means I'm not so hideous that no one will want to be friends with me.)
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Old 16th January 2011, 4:00 PM   #15
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Thanks a lot for sharing your stories with me, I wish you all the best if you are also struggling with the same issues that I am .
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