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Lent friend money


Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

Old 21st November 2010, 7:51 AM   #1
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Lent friend money

Some of you may remember I posted something 6 months ago, I lent a friend some money and she was giving me the run around…


6 months on and guess what?

Nothing, we are still in regular contact, and we are on pretty good terms, but still no money, she is taking a break from her job until the new year and she recons she will give me something then. Its xmas coming and she had two little ones to buy stuff for so I am happy to wait until then.

I tried to move on and forget it like many of you said but she is still texting / phoning me so its kind of hard to forget it and move on.

When we talk on the phone its just old times, she talks about her kids and stuff like that.

I am feeling a bit odd about the whole situation, shall I stick buy her and see if she pays me back or must delete her and move on?

When I spoke to her the other day she said that if I feel down or depressed then call her for a chat.

She's still offering friendship so maybe thats good sign?
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Old 21st November 2010, 10:40 AM   #2
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She is offering friendship in lieu of money. She knows if she plays nice, you will continue to play nice and not ask her for the money.

She is an escort and had plenty of clients, I'm sure (and I would bet a large amount of $$$ that you aren't the only 'friend' she has that keeps her in money even though she technically isn't working) and could pay you back but why would she when you are making it so that she doesn't have to?

Honestly, I'd just move on. It sounds like you are holding out for more than money and you are looking to have your heart emptied out just like she emptied your pockets.
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Old 21st November 2010, 1:19 PM   #3
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If you want your money back (and you SHOULD want it back) tell her she can pay you in installments. Just because she tells you she's low on money, Xmas is coming up and hasn't even MENTIONED paying you (yes I agree, she's being nicey nice to keep you from asking her) that isn't reason enough to NOT pay someone back, a friend who kindly lent money to help her out.

The choice is yours..Either let it go and tell her don't bother paying you back, or talk to her about it. Doing nothing and hoping one day she'll give it back on her own time is just going to piss you off.
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Old 21st November 2010, 2:14 PM   #4
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When I lend money to friends I rarely ever ask for them to pay me back.

If she seriously needed the money for something important, I wouldn't sweat it. She has a family to take care of man, If I was in your shoes, which i have been on more then one occasion I simply tell the friend "I understand you really needed the money for whatever, so how about you buy me lunch next week?"

I'm a kind person like that though, I'd accept going out for lunch payment enough. It's not something you should make habit of though.

Last edited by Grobyc; 21st November 2010 at 3:19 PM..
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Old 22nd November 2010, 8:13 AM   #5
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Well I took some of your advice ...

I phoned her today and asked if she would agree to paying me back £10 a month.

She said "Oh yeah I can give you more, maybe £50 a month" We chatted for a bit and she said "So I'll give you some after xmas" I said "Well actully I was thinking maybe before exmas thats why I suggusted just £10 a month" She agreed that and she said she would meet me in Bath nextweek when she is doing her xmas shopping with her mother.
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Old 22nd November 2010, 10:19 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Scottie View Post
She agreed that and she said she would meet me in Bath nextweek when she is doing her xmas shopping with her mother.
Don't go shopping with her if she invites you to, because there's all likelihood that she will sucker you into offering to purchase things for her and her mother.

I would consider this the cut off point for communication, regardless of whether she finally makes good on repaying you or not. Never loan anyone money; if you choose to assist someone, consider it a gift that you are fine with the individual not repaying.
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Old 22nd November 2010, 12:14 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by O'Malley View Post
Don't go shopping with her if she invites you to, because there's all likelihood that she will sucker you into offering to purchase things for her and her mother.

I would consider this the cut off point for communication, regardless of whether she finally makes good on repaying you or not. Never loan anyone money; if you choose to assist someone, consider it a gift that you are fine with the individual not repaying.
I strongly disagree with this.

His friend has kids to pay for, so in my eyes cutting off communication will never get his money back.

I see it as a dick move to just cut off communication. If she gives you a little cash awesome. Don't just drop the friendship right away.

It's very easy to say "I'm pretty hard up for cash right now, sorry" or just say "No"
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Old 22nd November 2010, 2:01 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by Grobyc View Post
I strongly disagree with this.

His friend has kids to pay for, so in my eyes cutting off communication will never get his money back.

I see it as a dick move to just cut off communication. If she gives you a little cash awesome. Don't just drop the friendship right away.

It's very easy to say "I'm pretty hard up for cash right now, sorry" or just say "No"
Read Scottie's previous threads. She's not some friend he's known for years, she's an escort who's in the habit of borrowing money from him, then only contacting him when she's in need of something.

This isn't an uncommon ploy in that industry, and the fact that she hasn't made any honest attempt to repay a part of the debt in the past six months speaks volumes. As another posted stated, she plans on offering the OP friendship in lieu of paying the loan.

If he meets up with/contacts her again and she still is unable to settle part of the debt, he should have absolutely nothing to do with her. Else he should expect to be hit up for another loan down the road.
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Old 22nd November 2010, 5:32 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by O'Malley View Post
Read Scottie's previous threads. She's not some friend he's known for years, she's an escort who's in the habit of borrowing money from him, then only contacting him when she's in need of something.

This isn't an uncommon ploy in that industry, and the fact that she hasn't made any honest attempt to repay a part of the debt in the past six months speaks volumes. As another posted stated, she plans on offering the OP friendship in lieu of paying the loan.

If he meets up with/contacts her again and she still is unable to settle part of the debt, he should have absolutely nothing to do with her. Else he should expect to be hit up for another loan down the road.
This isn't quite true, she is not in a habbit of borrowing money and only contacting me when she wants something. She only borrowed once after I offered to help her out. She took some time off because she had a breakdown during the summer and she has been suffering with depression so I eased off a bit to give her some space but she is doing well now and I have made it clear that she still owes me.
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Old 22nd November 2010, 7:16 PM   #10
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Scottie -- I was under the impression that you had loaned her money previously, sorry if I was wrong about that.

I do think your friendship is being taken advantage of. Even if she's not doing well financially, a genuine friend would have re-payed some amount of the loan by now, instead of giving you nothing but a multitude of excuses and hardships. Personally I would end contact with her, especially if she still is unwilling or unable to repay you when you next talk to her.

At the very least, if you are unwilling to end all ties with her, you should make it very clear that you will no longer loan her any money or pay for anything.

Last edited by O'Malley; 22nd November 2010 at 7:18 PM..
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Old 22nd November 2010, 9:54 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by O'Malley View Post
Scottie -- I was under the impression that you had loaned her money previously, sorry if I was wrong about that.

I do think your friendship is being taken advantage of. Even if she's not doing well financially, a genuine friend would have re-payed some amount of the loan by now, instead of giving you nothing but a multitude of excuses and hardships. Personally I would end contact with her, especially if she still is unwilling or unable to repay you when you next talk to her.

At the very least, if you are unwilling to end all ties with her, you should make it very clear that you will no longer loan her any money or pay for anything.
You sir, are a bad person in my eyes. Ending a friendship because he lent a person money because she actually needed it and is going through a tough time in life? I highly doubt the friendship is being taken advantage of. If that is the case, I must have **** friends. I lend money out all the time, I usually don't care if I get it back either. Why? Because 9 out of 10 times, they actually need it.

If they are physically unable to pay back right now. Look what the person is going through. Its easy to understand that they are going through a rough time. He also offered to help her.

Scottie, if she is going through a rough time right now, I'd go with the installments if you really need the money. Otherwise if you could manage fine without it. I'd let her know you guys are even and just have her buy you lunch and tell her you're happy you could help out. Just be sure not to make a habit out of it, as im sure she will appreciative of your generosity

I've always found when people actually need the cash they are grateful that someone was kind enough to help them out. I say this from experience.

Maybe I'm one of the few guys like this? I love helping people out when they really need it.
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Old 23rd November 2010, 3:05 AM   #12
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I can't remember the last time I needed to borrow money, and I understand hardship...I have to ask you this.

Does she have a cell phone?
Does she purchase fast food?
Does she have anything that is not needed that money is being spent on?

When things were real bad for me, I didn't waste money at all, friends got paid first along with gas, electricity, etc.
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Old 23rd November 2010, 7:06 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Grobyc View Post
You sir, are a bad person in my eyes. Ending a friendship because he lent a person money because she actually needed it and is going through a tough time in life? I highly doubt the friendship is being taken advantage of. If that is the case, I must have **** friends. I lend money out all the time, I usually don't care if I get it back either. Why? Because 9 out of 10 times, they actually need it.

If they are physically unable to pay back right now. Look what the person is going through. Its easy to understand that they are going through a rough time. He also offered to help her.

Scottie, if she is going through a rough time right now, I'd go with the installments if you really need the money. Otherwise if you could manage fine without it. I'd let her know you guys are even and just have her buy you lunch and tell her you're happy you could help out. Just be sure not to make a habit out of it, as im sure she will appreciative of your generosity

I've always found when people actually need the cash they are grateful that someone was kind enough to help them out. I say this from experience.

Maybe I'm one of the few guys like this? I love helping people out when they really need it.
Wow, that was really jerkish of you. Calling him a bad person, really?

I am very happy to give my friends money if they truly need it. But then again, the kind of friends I would give money to would pay every cent back as soon as they had their next paycheck in hand. Any "friend" that bucked and dodged is not really a friend, and I wouldn't expect to get paid back (nor would I expect to remain friends with them).

This woman may have hard times, but then she shouldn't be going xmas shopping. She has little ones? What's wrong with getting them little gifts - they will be perfectly happy with what they get. It's about priorities... either she makes a token effort to return the money and spends the remaining on smaller gifts, or she spends it all on gifts and continues to use this person.
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Old 23rd November 2010, 7:16 AM   #14
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I agree with Brandi's post. I would bet the money she owes him that she is spending on frivilous things.

I have relatives who could not conceive, and after several rounds of in vitro failed, decided to adopt. Except they are tapped out and have no money left, so they started asking everyone for donations. Put together fundraisers, begged to the point of inappropriate. I gave them money, my ex gave them a HUGE check. You know what? She just bought her husband a HOT CHOCOLATE MAKER for christmas - because apparently heating milk in the microwave or on the stove is too difficult? She gets her nails done every week or so. She just went on a shopping spree and among other things bought 3 pairs of Sketchers for herself - those aren't cheap.

I have a feeling if OP met up with her to get that 10 from her, he would see a pile of shopping bags.
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Old 23rd November 2010, 8:00 AM   #15
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You sir, are a bad person in my eyes. Ending a friendship because he lent a person money because she actually needed it and is going through a tough time in life?
Spare me the dramatics. You're assuming that the professional escort/friend is being honest about why she can't repay part or all of the loan. I, and other posters on this thread, are not.

Quote:
Originally Posted by KikiW
I have a feeling if OP met up with her to get that 10 from her, he would see a pile of shopping bags.
Pretty much...
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