How to end it?

[havehope]

I have a "friend" who kind of creeps me out and has always liked me. He says things I do not think are appropriate, does things that are illegal, tells racist jokes, always talks about how much life sucks, you get the picture. When he calls or texts or emails, I hardly ever respond - but he keeps trying to talk to me. (I say "friend" because he is a friend of the ex.) So when the relationship with the ex ended, I stopped talking to this "friend." Talking to him was not helping me heal. "Friend" and I never really had a substantial friendship to begin with, so I don't know why he is so persistant.

 

He recently came back from Afghanistan and is going through a hard time transitioning to the states. He says I am his only friend and that he needs me.

 

But I don't want to talk to him, reasons mentioned in the first paragraph, and I feel bad ignoring him, especially since what he did for our country is commendable. I've told him before that maybe we should stop talking for a little bit, but he calls all the time. I do not want him to contact me, but I feel bad for him and can't ignore someone any longer. the fact that he came back from the middle east makes this a little more sensitive of a topic for me, because I have the utmost respect for those who defend our country and I want to end this nicely. How can I help him find other friends so he stops contacting me? How can I end this respectfully?

[shayan]

You are too worried about what he thinks, if he is bringing problems into your life let him go period. If you are unhappy with how he acts, tell him you can help him if he is more well mannered.

 

Just be honest.

[Tayla]

Yikes!!! Sorry but serving in the military doesn't grant anyone the free ride on the guilt train if you refrain from being his social friend. Have a wee bit more honesty with him as you had here, tell him you are uncomfortable with his comments and his disregard for your privacy. He sounds stalkish.....

[strength-abounds]

Let him know that there is a Department of Veteran's Affairs that offer mental and emotional treatment for vets.

[WTRanger]

Let him know that there is a Department of Veteran's Affairs that offer mental and emotional treatment for vets.

 

Yep, this is the best way. You can't expect to be his shrink. Sometimes you have to be a bit mean if the other person just doesn't get it. By ignoring him, you are sending the opposite of what you want to say. He's thinking you are playing some sort of cat and mouse game.

 

When I got back from Iraq for the 2nd time in April of 2005 after the Fallujah campaign, I turned to a female friend who I had known my entire life. It was just comforting to hear a female voice, to feel a female presence, yet I put her in a horrible spot. When I opened up about what I did, what I saw, she couldn't take it. No normal human who isn't trained can take that. She asked me very nicely not to tell her stories about my time there, and that I need professional help. She said she'd be there every step of the way throughout my help, but she can't be the one to hear this.

 

Many times the VA "help" is a bunch of rear echelon bastards who have never stepped outside of the US, and they are only there to collect a meager paycheck. You could help him by searching and researching really good help for vets. Show him you care, but show him that you aren't the one to open up to.

 

You may just have to put on your big girl underwear and tell him to leave you alone if he chooses to not get help. Ignoring him will only make it worse.

[D-Lish]

He's not your responsibility- and the fact that he's laying such a heavy guilt trip on you just to have contact with you should be confirming your instincts that he's creepy.

 

He's hoping you'll cave in if he makes you feel guilty. He sounds like a stalker in the making.

[havehope]

I truly appreciate all your replies, thank you. I'm going to talk to him about it next time he calls and just lay it on the table