How do you make and keep female friends?

[Kem]

I'm neither a girlie girl nor a tom-boy. I know that I'm not the only woman with this problem. I'm kind of envious of women who have lots of women friends. I've never been that woman. I don't even need a lot of friends, just a few close ones. I have never had this.

 

I used to have male friends because they were low-maintenance and were always available to hang out. However, I can't help but know that I've missed out on the conversations that girls have with each other and the special bonding that is present in same-sex friendships.

 

Especially after college, it's been getting harder and harder to connect with people in real life. Is it me or people don't call each other up just to chat? I don't have a group of friends to sit around and ponder on the meaning of life anymore.

 

Being in a heterosexual, committed relationship, it's hard to develop platonic relationships with people of the opposite gender. I have "friends" but none as close as I am hopeful for, virtually none are women. I'm a people-person but I feel a disconnect with people and an increased loneliness.

 

Is this the new age of technology where people text each other short phrases, IM just to say "hey" for a couple of lines, and post short comments on each other's walls? With increased methods of communication, I can't help but feel a certain breakdown of communication.

 

I'm getting side-track. Anyways, my question is: how do you make and keep female friends? I have always had a hard time with the former, which leads to the later inevitably. I either come off as trying too hard or indifferent. This is because I feel that women are hard to please.

 

I don't like the cliques and the ostracizing. For example, when I set up an event, EVERYONE is invited. But, when a certain someone is having a party, somehow I am not included. I'm not a very forgiving person, this is a personal flaw. However, how much of the cattiness am I supposed to tolerate?

 

The few female friends that I make every now and then (extremely rare), we either are not close or I'm not friends with them for long. How hard is one supposed to try to make and keep friends? What am I missing? How much of my personal pride do I sacrifice to have girlfriends?

Edited September 23, 2010 by Kem

[shayan]

You need to be outgoing and go where the females go. You want to make friends, well then let us rationalize what a friendship is. In my definition it is a mutual connection based on similarities and qaulities we find amiable in others, correct. So why not figure out what you enjoy as a hobby or any interests, perhaps art, music, science, sports, charity, etc. Next look within your community or nearby ones to find events where you can find people with similar interests as your own. And then Shazam! the next thing you know your talking to this girl named Christie about the north pacific pipe line being built in Portland and having a wonderful time. I have made many friends by simply stepping out of my comfort zone and going to new events and gatherings at school, in my community, etc, etc, the possibilities are endless, but it will require effort on your part. The funny thing it I used to worry about the same thing, but now I have some very good female friends!

[D-Lish]

I don't know... I am still in contact with girls I went to Kindergarten with 20 years ago- I have lunch with girls from high school every couple of months even though we graduated almost 20 years ago.

[Kem]

I guess moving around doesn't help establish friendships. I am more certain that I'll be staying in this city but not 100% sure. Shayan, you're right. I haven't found people with similar interests and qualities. My one hobby is poker. When I go play, I'm surrounded by men. I have to find out what women do. Charity is a good one since I'm not much of an artist or into art, etc. Good to know that you used to worry about the same thing and that I'm not that much of an alien.

[that girl]

This is because I feel that women are hard to please.

 

If you have issues with women, they are going to pick up on it and not want to be your friend.

 

I think you probably have some work to do on yourself before you can form friendships with women. You are a woman, yet you talk about them like they are some other species.

[Viva]

Oh my god Kem, I am in the same predicament.

 

I'm currently in college and 21 years old at that. It would seem that the only way I made girl-friends (and kept them thus far) is when I was dorming in my previous college and they were my suitmates. I'd say it's three of them that I'm close with. And yet when I come to think about it I DO actually sacrifice some of who I really am because deep inside I know that some attributes I possess are not in alignment with themselves and our friendships would be unstable for sure.

 

But I'm kind of getting off track here, what I'm trying to say is that since I've transferred over to this new college it's been like battle! I cannot make friends with girls! Enough that we can talk on a regular basis and ultimately become really good friends. I'm so saddened by it because I am trying and it seems these girls don't bother.

 

This is so weird because I was coming on here right now to vent and seek advice on this issue I'm having with this girl at my college. This issue with her is just proving my point that girls are not friendly and make it 10 times harder for me to get their attention. From personal experience don't lose who you really are in order to get girl-friends, trust me it'll make you feel iffy.

 

What you really need to do is wholly accept who you are and be proud of that. Express confidence in yourself 100% and people (hopefully girls) will notice this and probably not think of you negatively (as I know some girls do about me: I've been told I give off a bitchy vibe, I'M SO NICE I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE THEY THINK OF ME LIKE THAT!)

 

First have confidence in yourself and be comfortable with it because only then will you have the opportunity to create new friendships. This is how I'm trying to see it, I really sincerely hope you do find a girl who can accept you and know how much it means to be friends.