HeavenOrHell Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 My best friend of 25 years has been vanishing from my life by bit because of her depression and bad health, she has M.E. and almost constant migraines, the latter partly caused by car accidents and I think partly made worse by severe stress. She tried to get a house swap (housing association) to move near me (we live 120 miles apart), but has had no luck 3 years on, she has been desperate to move as she has no life and no friends where she lives, her depression because of her life and health not improving has become unbearable, she cut me out off her life bit by bit as she felt she had no life to talk about with me anymore, and she felt worse hearing about my busy life (although she is glad for me that my life has improved recently as I had severe depression after an 18 year break up last year). Long story short, I didn't hear from her for a while so I emailed her, I sounded upset as she had vanished, and she said nothing has improved and she plans to take her life in a few weeks after she has tied up some loose ends. How do I respond to this?! Apart feeling panicky and tearful that is. I believe she means it, I think she may have backed off from me bit by bit to spare me this, she said she will say goodbye to me if that's what I want. She won't give me her parents phone number of her ex partner or her friend who lives nearer to her than I do, she won't let me visit or phone, I asked all these things a while ago. She has no therapy even though she is on anti psychotics, I think she did have support but it stopped, or maybe she turned it away, I don't know. Who do I turn to for practical advice and help with this, what can I do? I used to tell her things would improve but now I am not convinced. It feels like the suffering she is going through a dog wouldn't be expected to go through So in a way who is anyone to tell her what to do with her life, I don't mean that to sound harsh, what I mean is what if things DON'T improve, health doesn't always improve, then I wish there was a way out for her because it is unbearable. I don't think many people could cope with daily vomiting migraines and pain from M.E. with no hope of recovery. It would just sound hollow to say hang on things may improve, she's been hearing it for years. I don't want her to die, but I feel selfish for thinking that, because she is suffering so badly, I can't take her pain away, no-one can, she's had all sorts of tests and drugs, nothing helps. I do not think things will improve. I do not think this in every suicide 'case' of course, for many people there is hope things will improve and they are right to fight through it and are glad they did so. I feel so confused and helpless. No point in me trying to get in her house, she won't let me, I also have anxiety, depression and agoraphobia too so I can't be as useful as I wish I could be, not there's anything anyone can do, I have said many times that I am always on the end of the phone and to please me know if there is anything I can do or anyone I can call or if she wants me to go and stay I will, she is too ill to stay here. Any advice much appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 good heavens, that's a lot of burden to bear no suggestions at this point, just some well-meaning hugs to you, and prayers offered up on both y'alls behalf. you are a beautiful friend for caring so deeply – I hope she grabs on to that one bright light and uses it to grow on. quank Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeavenOrHell Posted August 30, 2010 Author Share Posted August 30, 2010 Thank you Hugs are good right now. good heavens, that's a lot of burden to bear no suggestions at this point, just some well-meaning hugs to you, and prayers offered up on both y'alls behalf. you are a beautiful friend for caring so deeply – I hope she grabs on to that one bright light and uses it to grow on. quank Link to post Share on other sites
Crusoe Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 These people have a helpline, they will have dealt with this scenario before The ME Association Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeavenOrHell Posted August 30, 2010 Author Share Posted August 30, 2010 Thank you She's had counselling/therapy it hasn't helped, she won't phone anyone now as she feels there's no point, she's gone beyond it and she is phone phobic when it comes to 'official' calls. I could phone them I guess, is that what you meant? They can't make her life worth living though unless they take her migraines away I've phoned the Samaritans for someone else in this situation, well they actually said they were overdosing when they were talking online to me, I panicked after a while and phoned them and they were so unhelpful, they even said not to phone 999, I did in the end though and it did save her life. These people have a helpline, they will have dealt with this scenario before The ME Association Link to post Share on other sites
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