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Why are so called "Friends" like this?


Brady_to_Moss

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Brady_to_Moss

Never contact you unless they need your help. Your the one who has to always send the first call/txt to see how they are doing over the break from school. These guys are my roommates and only talk to me basically during the school year. Not in school year..nothing..i always have to contact first. I am done with them. I am not going to give in and contact them when they wont give me the time of day. its just sad that i have not one person to rely on...

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I think there comes a point in your life where you lost most of your old friends from school and have to make new friendships. On the plus side, most of the friendships you make now will be good lifelong friendships. You just need to work to find those new friends. As a told someone earlier, even if its just befriending people on a message board and going to them with your problems and such, that's a start :]

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Never contact you unless they need your help. Your the one who has to always send the first call/txt to see how they are doing over the break from school. These guys are my roommates and only talk to me basically during the school year. Not in school year..nothing..i always have to contact first. I am done with them. I am not going to give in and contact them when they wont give me the time of day. its just sad that i have not one person to rely on...

 

------------------

 

I have found over the years that creative endeavors and self-improvement make for a good life.... But a friend is something like a trophy - for display only..

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Never contact you unless they need your help. Your the one who has to always send the first call/txt to see how they are doing over the break from school. These guys are my roommates and only talk to me basically during the school year. Not in school year..nothing..i always have to contact first. I am done with them. I am not going to give in and contact them when they wont give me the time of day. its just sad that i have not one person to rely on...

 

Friendship should be a reciprocal thing. I also experienced the same thing and i had to stop being the first one who always makes that move. :cool:

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Why are so called "Friends" like this?

 

I've come to call these personality types "Hoovers", named after the popular vacuum cleaner. They suck. Some suck like carp and catfish and various other bottom feeders, but they all have the psychology of 'me, me, I, I'. They are 'generous' when it gains them something, but only if necessary.

 

Think of it as a separate path. They are compatible with like-minded people. They speak the same language, the Hoover language. They understand how to barter their friendships with other Hoovers. It's like a separate culture. I like cultural diversity, but recognize that I don't speak their language so limit my interactions with them.

 

That's probably a good thing. Kind and generous people can kinda be annoying to Hoovers unless they want something, or so I've noticed. ;)

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haha, I like the "Hoovers" analogy. I agree with the others- you need to move on and try to meet some new people who reciprocate. I have had several "friends" like this in my life-people who never contact you, or only call to ask for a favor, etc... I find relationships with these people to be frustrating and unfulfilling. I've noticed that I eventually get fed up and stop talking to them.. none of these friendships have lasted... A true friend is someone who is there for you, no matter what (whether they need something or not) and who calls you to check in, because they care about you, and your life... They are rare, but they exist!

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Never contact you unless they need your help. Your the one who has to always send the first call/txt to see how they are doing over the break from school. These guys are my roommates and only talk to me basically during the school year. Not in school year..nothing..i always have to contact first. I am done with them. I am not going to give in and contact them when they wont give me the time of day. its just sad that i have not one person to rely on...

these are selfesh friends

they just contact for help they have free time and they contact to waste your time and so.

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  • 2 weeks later...
xpaperxcutx

Because they're not friend friends. They're people you network and socialize with, and when all that's said, they don't value anything about you except what you have to offer ( ie. roommate advantages, resources, time).

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Feelin Frisky

The one true religion of the western world is competition. When you're on the same team in a drama like sports, you are cooperants but once out of that clique of competitors against all others, people generally think of others in terms of immediate utility to their needs and wants as if they are bred to horde, consume and amass as mesaures of who they are rather than, god forbid, share their experiences. They don't bother with emotional support or stuff like that--they contact if and when they need something (like sucking Hoovers :D). Perhaps you don't realize that you want them for their utility in making you feel better--that you have the less usual desire to share your time rather than see it as something to be spent only on building their own castle to keep their toys safe.

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  • 3 weeks later...

ehhhhh i'm aloof and a flake so i usually don't call unless you are in my city and i want to meet up for a chat. I also have a tendancy to back out of public events since time... is something im not good at managing :(

 

One of my best friends is like that, or lets say, former best friend. you just have to accept people for who they are. my view is that people are busy and have lives, lets not bug them. Also, it is harder to remember others when you are in a different city, because memories are linked to other memories, to objects, to whatever. For example, i'm heaidng back to school son, and i can only now have i started to remember everyone back there.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I have to agree with all the previous posts, with one exception. Not all friends are there to sux you dry:mad:

 

I am going thru a painful divorce and only ONE true friend has been with me; listening and helping, and asking for nothing in return. All the others...ran away fast.

 

My true friend is a rare gem:):)

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TheOddOneOut
The one true religion of the western world is competition. When you're on the same team in a drama like sports, you are cooperants but once out of that clique of competitors against all others...

 

I have seen that, its all one or another. I recently posted about a falling out with my friends and they all needed to group and take sides (well, most of them), and I can't help but notice that the people who were most open to hurting my feelings (doing things they knew would hurt me) were the ones who had "taken" a lot from me.

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I have seen that, its all one or another. I recently posted about a falling out with my friends and they all needed to group and take sides (well, most of them), and I can't help but notice that the people who were most open to hurting my feelings (doing things they knew would hurt me) were the ones who had "taken" a lot from me.

 

Same kind of thing happened to me. I had one friend I valued dearly, until I realized that she had been there only because she wanted the inside story. She used me to gather information and try and finagle the situation to her benefit. Once I realized her behavior, I got verification from other sources, because I thought maybe I was being paranoid. I'm not even sure she did it consciously (or if she did she created an angle in her head that gave her justification), but it was really painful and I have to keep a safe distance from her now. Never had a full blow-out, because we have mutual friends and I didn't want them to get entangled in drama, but boy did I want to.

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  • 4 weeks later...
florence of suburbia

Maybe they are just being lazy and you should go about your business. If you're worth anything to them and they stop hearing from you, they'll eventually come around. If not, well, maybe the relationship has run its course.

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