People Seem to Like Me... But Don't Ever Want to Hang out with Me

[mike_scavo]

Does anyone else have this problem? I seem to get along with most people. At work, I'm very comfortable around my co-workers and always make me laugh; they go on and on about how fun I am to be around... and yet they never invite me to do anything. I always find out on Monday that my friends did something over the weekend and didn't invite me. Even the people who say I'm fun to be around don't invite me to do things.

 

But there is another side to me. Around some people, I'm somewhat shy. When I go to clubs with friends, I can't just walk up to someone and start talking to them like my friends can. I don't know what to say to people and I even feel at a loss for words around those I'd consider friends, like I can't keep up a conversation.

 

I still live in the same area in which I went to high school. When I was growing up, I was a huge nerd (think glasses, bad acne, terrible dresser, and scrawny) but I've outgrown that now and people always tell me how much I've changed.... but I feel like they really don't see me as someone different from what/who I was. And even if they did, *I* still see myself as that huge, socially awkward nerd whenever I look in the mirror; I don't like myself and never have.

 

But because I'm somewhat outgoing around some people, I'd think I could still make friends who actually want to hang out with me.

 

This whole situation is just killing me. I spend my weekends alone and never get calls or texts from friends. I'm 22 and I feel like I should be out raising hell and having fun; instead, I feel like I'm just wasting my life.

[Zolie]

Bless your heart. I was sort of this way when I was younger, too. I am twice your age now (more than) so my advice comes not from someone your age whom you can relate to, but rather from someone who has experienced a little bit of life and has witnessed what people tend to value in other people.

 

First and foremost what I believe others enjoy about other people is self confidence. I have had bouts all my life where I have felt inadequate around certain people and it showed, and I was therefore not a favored companion to those people. But, the times when I have shown self confidence, even when I wasn't feeling it - that is very important to remember - is when I notice people start to want to be talk with me, invite me places, seek my company, etc.

 

Remember though, there is a fine line between showing confidence and showing cockiness. Don't make the mistake of trying to compensate for the shyness with too much self confidence.

 

My point, though, is that I have experienced both types of behavior in myself, and have experienced the vastly different results from other people, to my different behaviors. Take my experience and make it your own.

 

Another thing to remember is that you don't need to wait for invitations. I know it's hard to invite yourself, so to speak, but when the moment is right, ask your co-workers what they are doing this weekend. Ask whether it is something anyone can go to, and then just show up and say hi.

 

Also, gauge if the activity is something only couples will be going to. If you are single, that could be why your work friends are not inviting you. If they are all paired, they may be doing mostly couples things.

 

If it doesn't work out with your work friends, try not to take it too personally. Perhaps they are just a well established group and haven't even thought about inviting someone new into the group. Meaning it's not that they are excluding you, they just might not even be aware you are interested in joining them.

[Shakz]

Throw a party and invite everyone from work.

[pureinheart]

Have you ever talked to your friends about this? Asked them what's up, or hey that would have been fun, I would have like to have gone?

 

I bet you are fun to be around...your post sounds like you are well-worded and intelligent.

 

Now you wouldn't your friends to miss out on you or you them would you? Go for it!

[crfsti]

It has always pretty much been the same way for me also and i'm 5 years older than you. I have become use to being a loner and doing things on my own all the time, such as going to concerts, shows, sporting events, etc. I'm not gonna say it doesn't suck, because it does. And it doesn't help seeing all these people with their friends having a good time at these events. I have always asked my friends if they would like to go, but they always say they are busy with plans, so I have kind of just learned to live with it.