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A Concerned Friend


Schnapps2000

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Schnapps2000

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I'm a newbie. Please bear with me... I have this friend. I've known her for like 10 years now. Basically, we know each other's ins and outs. Recently, she met this guy online, got to know him well to the point that she actually has fallen in love with him and vice-versa. Online relationship for me is a taboo. But not for my friend, I don't think. Don't get me wrong, she's definitely a head-turner, intelligent, as in, she's all that. She never had a problem finding a man in "REAL LIFE", even have constant admirers here and there. I just don't get the idea of her getting seriously involve with this guy. I've talked to him, and I think he seems nice and all. I did talk to her about things. Like I'm so not comfortable with her new relationship. :confused: And as her friend I'm concerned 'coz I only want what's best for her and I wouldn't want to see her getting hurt. Although she told me she is happily in love. One thing I did, I made a webpage using a totally different SN on this URL that where she met her now "boyfriend". I sent the guy a private message, and so I can check if he's being true to her or not. Alas, he responded. Now, do I have to tell my friend what I did and be truthful to the guy that I'm his "girlfriend's" real life friend? Any advices/suggestions, please? :laugh:

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Here's my advice: BUTT OUT!

 

You have no right trying to catch her guy in a lie or whatever. If you don't approve of online dating, that's your deal, but she obviously likes it. Let her go and do it.

 

And let me tell you--if she's not committed to this guy and they aren't exclusive, it's perfectly within his right to reply to your PM. That says nothing negative about him at all. Many people multiple date until they become exclusive with another person.

 

Have they met in real life?

 

It sounds like you are in love with your friend and want to be with her yourself. Your intrigue into her dating life is a bit...um...freaky.

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Schnapps2000

No, I am not in-love with my friend. Don't get freaky now :D. I'm just worried for her. Mainly coz she hasn't met the guy in person yet. He lives abroad, although they plan to meet up next month or so. This is why I am concerned coz she doesn't know "much" about this guy. What if he's a freak? Of course, I've done my part as her friend.

 

I would like to think that they both have agreed to not date anyone else. Well I know 'coz my friend told me so. Now, I don't understand why the "boyfriend" replied to my PM.

 

Thanks, Clia for your time. I surely appreciate your advice.

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He's abroad? Jeez.

 

Well, still. I think you should butt out of it. She'll find out sooner or later what kind of guy he is. It really isn't your place. And so he replied to your PM. So what? What did he say? I mean...I don't know. LDRs are hard to begin with. If she hasn't even met him, she's totally jumping the gun, and you can say that to her, but she's an adult and it's her choice.

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Just A Girl2

Hi Schapps,

You sound like a good and caring friend. :) (and welcome!!!)

 

What age is your friend? What about this guy?

 

I know it happens a lot, but I still don't get this "falling in love" with someone you've met online but have never met in person. It's just really crazy to me. I guess your friend is just going to have to see how it goes. Hopefully she'll be very cautious and careful. I'm always leary of people who live continents away who are interested in getting to know (more than just friends) someone online. Why wouldn't they just choose to meet someone locally, from their own continent, you know? It would sure be a lot easier, and more practical. Hard to really know much about someone, their background (criminal) and history if they live worlds apart......who knows what they could have to hide?

 

So you chatted with him online..what sorts of things did you discuss? Did he get flirty or something?

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Schnapps2000

Hey, Just. Thanks for your advice. Yep, I have exchanged PMs with him and he definitely flirted with me. Of course, I have not told him that I know of him. At some point, I want to tell him. But I am not too sure about that yet. As I posted earlier, my friend doesn't even know that I did message her "guy".

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Just A Girl2

I really strongly advise you AGAINST:

 

a) continuing any sort of online contact with this guy

b) letting him know who you are

c) letting your friend know you've talked to him

 

Nothing good can come of it, only hurt feelings and chaos. Your friend might think you're trying to pick him up, he might try covering his ass by telling her YOU were flirting with him, bla bla...could get very messy.

 

I say there's really no need at all for you to have any contact with him, because in a way it's deceitful and it requires you keeping this secret from your friend...ya know?

 

If he lives miles and miles away, it's possible he's got a zillion gals on the line, giving them all the same song and dance. The internet is full of this kind of crap.

 

Again, what ages are your friend and he?

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Schnapps2000

Just, I have come to a decision not to tell any of them. They both are on their middle 20's. I'm starting to hate this guy, honestly. I can't believe that he's doing this to my friend. She surely doesn't deserve such a man.

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