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Annoyed with close friend


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I have a friend who has been a close friend of mine for nearly 15 years.

 

Currently we live in different countries, but have maintained regular contact.

 

Due to geographical constraints we didn't attend eachothers weddings, but I contributed a reasonable sum to a wedding gift for her from a group of friends who didn't go for the same reason.

She didn't send us a gift for ours, and I was slightly miffed at the time but got over it as it didn't seem like the kind of thing to have words over.

 

Fast forward to today.

 

She came home with her young baby to visit her family in my country. It would have been nice to meet up but I have a baby of my own and her family live a long way from where I live.

I sent to her familys house a gift for her baby, along with a HUGE parcel of baby clothes and equipment for her to borrow while she was here to save her luggage allowance while travelling internationally.

 

The task of sorting through the baby stuff and posting it took the better part of three to four hours- no mean feat when you have a small baby yourself.

 

The postage was pretty expensive too. I spoke to her once on the phone while she was here and it was a nice phone call.

 

My friend has now returned to her country of residence and I haven't heard from her since that phone call. I haven't had my baby stuff returned or been given any indication of when to expect it, I haven't had much of a thank you apart from a verbal one over the phone, and I haven't received a gift from her for my baby who is now 6 months old.

 

I didn't do it for a "thing" I did it because I know how stressful it is to have a baby and I thought it was a nice thing to do to make a friends life easier.

And she really has been a great friend over the years, she was there for me once at a particularly dark time in my life. Which is why I am so confused really.

 

This recent incident coupled with the wedding gift and baby gifts not being reciprocated has annoyed me and i don't know what to do about it.

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is it possible that she left them with family members to mail after she left and they haven't yet followed through?

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Yes, it is. And I am reserving complete judgement until I get that confirmed.

 

If it was an isolated incident then I probably wouldn't be bothered, but I guess its the fact that I put quite alot of effort into it and if I had been the recipient I would have ensured that the stuff was returned ASAP.

 

And the old gripe about the non reciprocation of the wedding gift has resurfaced as a result so I feel a little resentful about that.

 

I have emailed her to ask her if she got back OK etc so will wait to hear back.

 

In the meantime ranting on here is better than blowing up at her for potentially no reason!

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obviously, you cannot expect to have others behave the way that you do.

 

i know it's frustrating. i never send stuff out unless i fully expect to never see it again... just a matter of passing along things that they can use and that i'm no longer using... that way i never feel resentful.

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obviously, you cannot expect to have others behave the way that you do..

 

I think this is the main thing. its hard huh.

 

I am pretty generous and conscientious when it comes to gifts for others, borrowing things off people, and thanking people when they put themselves out for me.

 

My friend obviously isn't and its not something I had ever noticed before.

 

She left our country over two weeks ago- a quick email to say "thanks for the stuff, have left it with mum to post back to you" would have been better than nothing!

 

I hope I get it back there are a few things in the parcel I want to save for wonderbaby II!!!

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I'm like you, except I have whole lists of ways people 'should' behave and when they don't.... well, it can be confusing and sometimes it hurts (and then sometimes I hurt them back).

 

Sometimes friends are friends for certain parts of our lives, but in other parts, they're not there for us in the same way. She's a great friend in one way because she was there for you one time, and maybe she's a rubbish friend in another way because she's not there for you at another time. Its up to you to decide if one cancels the other out. :)

 

Edit: I'm not sure any of that made sense! But have a go at understanding it :D

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