What would you do here

[tlind]

First a bit of a backstory. There was this girl I've been friends with for close to 13 years. I've had feelings for her for about 5-6 of these years and decided to tell her. Now she was in a relationship at the time, and I guess maybe felt like I was asking her to choose which wasn't what I was aiming for, which I'm sure I made clear to her. She seemed happy about it, but all communication has for the most part since ceased (classic cliche here i know).

 

Anyways, I found out that shortly after telling her how I felt, me and an ex of hers/friend of mine went out for drinks, and I made some jokes about him and other people there, but never said anything bad about her. Turns out he turned around and said that I was saying horrendous things about her (looking back, I now realize that his goal the entire time was to push me into a hole/in front of a bus, playing the friend angle). Now she basically ignores me, treats me like I don't exist, and has no desire to even look at me. She told me that karma was a bitch and that she has no want or desire to do with that because the stuff said was beyond rude, and her boyfriend has even threatened to have my car blown up/me killed because of this stupid misunderstanding.

 

The sad thing is I truly care about her, and want her to be happy, and I know she is with this other guy, so I should leave it alone. But I feel that she should know the truth before she should base a decision on me (I've tried to explain that I never said anything mean or rude, but I'm guessing that the things said were so bad that she doesn't even care anymore). Now I'm not sure if I had a shot or not (that was taken away from me), but the way things happened I went into a very dark and dangerous place with my emotions - and everyone knew something was up, but not many knew what. Now this so called "friend" was an ass for doing this and I do not talk to him anymore because of it.

 

This happened many months ago, and while the deep and dark emotional monsters have gone back into hiding, some anger remains on the made up back-stabbing.

 

Now that my emotions for the most part are in check, I realize that nothing romantically would ever happen with this girl, but would like to keep her as a friend in my life. Her brother is my best friend and her sister's kid calls me uncle, and I always get invited to go out with the family for dinners up until this stuff happened, because now I'm supposed to avoid her. Her brother tells me to just get over it and to leave it alone, but it's hard to when I never said mean things about her.

 

Recently I contacted her to return some items I borrowed off of her before all this crap started, and she just told me that her "mail box is big", and refuses to acknowledge me about anything else.

 

I've tried to talk about this so I can get a friend back, but she refuses to talk to me. What should I do here?? If you were this girl what would you be thinking?? I just really want a friend back. Is there anything I can do anymore, or should I just leave it alone and maybe one day she'll contact me (highly unlikely with how she's been treating me)??? Maybe it just wasn't meant to be... I honestly don't know anymore.

 

This ended up a little longer then I wanted it to, but there's my conundrum.

[tlind]

I could also be reading way to much into this, which has been suggested.

[green_tea]

I think you should leave it alone now. You told her that you didn't say those things, she chose not to believe you, and there is nothing more you can really do now. Personally if someone did that to me, I would think worse of them for believing second hand information, that wasn't even true. To be honest she sounds as bad as the guy that made the stuff up. Have some pride and walk away from her too.

[tlind]

I think you should leave it alone now. You told her that you didn't say those things, she chose not to believe you, and there is nothing more you can really do now. Personally if someone did that to me, I would think worse of them for believing second hand information, that wasn't even true. To be honest she sounds as bad as the guy that made the stuff up. Have some pride and walk away from her too.

 

You know what, that's kind of what I was thinking. It just sucks that something like this happens with a family that I've been friends with for practically my whole life. It just sucks.

[green_tea]

Hopefully you can still remain friends with her brother and the rest of the family that you're close with, but if not, then it may be for the best anyway, as they don't seem to have helped you out in mending the relationship with this girl? I know it's hard letting go and feeling helpless, I really hope you feel better about things soon.

[tlind]

Hopefully you can still remain friends with her brother and the rest of the family that you're close with, but if not, then it may be for the best anyway, as they don't seem to have helped you out in mending the relationship with this girl? I know it's hard letting go and feeling helpless, I really hope you feel better about things soon.

 

Oh, I'm still best friends with the brother, and I still get along great with the rest of the family, but if I'm ever around the girl, the mom seems to turn a tad hostile towards me, I guess they believe it to. It seems like they want to keep me around because they almost feel sorry for me, when they don't realize that having me around, with me knowing that I'm only there because she isn't still hurts (not as much anymore - cause I think the whole situation is stupid now), and seems kind of insensitive towards me (I do let stuff eat at me. The brother just says "grow some balls, and stop being a p***y") but it's who I am, it's how I am, and almost feel I shouldn't hang around the family as much anymore if they're going to believe the lies as well, but time will continue to move forwards I suppose.

[tlind]

Also, her brother has tried to help out, but to no avail - she apparently holds grudges he says.