Feeling completely left out

[aroll32]

I've had 3 best friends in the course of the past 3-4 years. We would always be together, and always be in contact. Now, I feel as if they are no longer even my friends. Two of my "best friends" have girlfriends that really like each other. Hence, they are always hanging out with each other and their girlfriends. For instance, one time I tried to get them to come have band practice so we could be ready to play a show in about a month (we hadn't practiced in over 4-5 months) and they both simply ignored me spend the weekend at one of their girlfriends camps together about an hour away. Now, I call one of my friends and he won't answer and won't even call back. The other one always answers, but I feel as if I've lost them both. They never contact me at all anymore.

 

My other best friend has simply moved on to do bigger things. He is playing baseball for our university right now. He also has a girlfriend. And his roommate (also his best friend) has a girlfriend and they happen to be sisters (twins). So they are always together. I feel so left out it's not even funny anymore. My other friends never contact me either. I'm the only one who ever calls or texts my friends and some times they don't even answer. What can I do about this? All three of my best friends have girlfriends and I don't. I haven't had a girlfriend in about 3 years and I feel as if that's not going to happen any time soon.

[califnan]

Seems like when so-called best friends separate - they are just going their separate ways .. or at an impasse in their lives .. Not to worry - God will bring you better friends .. I have seen that happen in my own life, and in my sons' lives .. Do the creative or exercise or schooling you have wanted to do in order to bless your own life - and the rest will come ..

[Ronni_W]

That's a difficult thing, but not uncommon.

Your wisest way forward is to expand your social circle. Audition for or start a new band; volunteer for one of your University's student organizations; join a sports/recreation club -- something where members meet regularly so there's an opportunity to develop deeper connections.

 

It seems a little strange that many are not even responding when you contact them. As you say, it's likely that they're just "doing their life", but perhaps there is a problem of which you're not aware? If that's a possibility, maybe you could voice them and ask if you've unintentionally hurt or offended them?

 

You can also let your friends with the girlfriends know that, while you understand that they're also busy with other aspects of their lives, you still miss their company and sharing life and laughs with them. Ask if perhaps they can schedule it so you all get together once every 6 to 8 weeks, just to catch-up with each other.

 

With your single friends, maybe suggest some kind of outing rather than just a "what's up?" kind of text. Bowling, rock climbing, a concert, doing a batch of beer or wine at one of those "you brew" places...something that they might find fun/exciting enough to want to break out of their normal routines. Poker night at your place?

[aroll32]

Thanks for the input, it's kind of tough considering the best times I've ever had have always included them. But I'm actually pretty good friends with all of their girlfriends. A little weird, but I talk to my "best" friend's (who rarely answers or calls back) girlfriend more than I do him. I know that he doesn't care, because I see him at least once or twice a week and we are cool. He would say something about it if it bothered him, I know him well enough to know that. And I see my other two friends at least once or twice a week as well (we all go to the same university). I just feel as if they've become more distant than in the past. And it's too hard to find someone else to "take their place." I have a pretty good friend that also goes to the same school, we're somewhat best friends. But he has 2 other friends (we are also quite close) that are like brothers to him. And I feel a little left out when I am with them 3. Sometimes I feel as if I don't fit in anywhere. I'm the 3rd or 5th wheel a lot of the times. Sometimes even 7th wheel. I guess if there was a girl I had with me some of the time that would help, but I don't know if I would want a relationship as of now (kind of just got hurt by a girl).

[green_tea]

You say they never contact you anymore - now this could be because you always contact them first before they get a chance, so if I was you, I would lay low for a while and see if they call you. If not, you know where you stand with them, and I agree with Ronni's suggestion below of trying to make new friends.

 

Your wisest way forward is to expand your social circle. Audition for or start a new band; volunteer for one of your University's student organizations; join a sports/recreation club -- something where members meet regularly so there's an opportunity to develop deeper connections.

[aroll32]

yeah I've been doing that actually. I'm transferring to another school next semester and I've been hanging out my friends that go there a lot. A couple of them are really talented musicians and have expensive studio equipment at their houses. I'm probably going to be seeing them a lot next semester, considering two of them have already offered me a spot as their last roommate. So I'm looking forward to the future. As for why my best friends are disappearing, I'm not sure why. It's like they are married and don't spend much time apart.