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Problem with a friend's parents.


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In the past few months, I've been going over to my friend Savannah's house frequently, about every weekend. This isn't a problem for my mom, but it is for Savannah's parents. They refuse to drive her anywhere, which constantly inconveniences my mother, and then they turn around and complain about how they're uncomfortable about my mother always driving their child everywhere.

 

Now, don't get me wrong, my mother is a very agreeable person. With any normal parents, she would likely attempt to acquaint herself and discuss how they should take turns picking up and dropping off kids. But with these parents, she simply cannot get along with them and whenever we encounter an issue pertaining to Savannah and I seeing each other, she constantly talks to me about how she can't stand them, how horribly selfish they are, and how bad their parenting is.

 

Earlier today, I asked Savannah if she wanted to do something, which she said she'd like. She went to her parents and asked if they could take her, and they refused - apparently they didn't have enough notice. I then asked my mom if we could just go pick her up, and Savannah went again to ask if this option would be okay. They again refused, although this would be an obvious solution to the fact that they don't want to drive. This made me extremely upset.

 

I feel very guilty constantly inconveniencing my mom all the time, but I also want to be able to see my best friend when I get the chance. Would pointing out to her parents that they're disabling me to see Savannah help, or would it make things worse? Is there anything I can do to fix this problem?

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Would pointing out to her parents that they're disabling me to see Savannah help, or would it make things worse?

Well, they're not actually "disabling" or preventing you from seeing Savannah -- apparently they just prefer it when that gets done at their home / under their watchful eyes.

 

But. Even if they were actually "disabling" and preventing you from doing what you want to do (get together with their daughter), would they care?

 

Maybe you and Savannah can ask for a discussion with her parents, and find out what are their deeper fears and concerns? It could just be that they don't feel she is yet old enough to be given free run of when, where, how and with whom she does her socializing. (I'm assuming you're both under driving age.)

 

If you're dealing with over-protective parents...that's just something that you must accept for now, if you want to maintain your friendship with Savannah. There won't really be anything that you can do to change their views and beliefs about their obligations and responsibilities as parents -- they're doing what THEY believe is the best thing for their daughter and themselves.

 

As far as feeling guilty about "inconveniencing" your mom -- allow your mom to decide for herself when she's being inconvenienced, and trust her that she will let you know. As your loving parent, your mom may actually enjoy doing it, or it allows her to feel needed, etc. (Don't just assume what other people are feeling, thinking and experiencing...ASK them to be honest and tell you.)

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