Revec Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 Hi everyone, I need some advice. I have a friend at work that I have known for about 15 months. I'm 31, she is 34. We go to lunch when our schedules work out and occasionally text or call each other. Recently she has started suggesting things that we could do together and last month she mentioned she would like to come out to my house sometime. So a couple weeks later I decided to invite her to my house for a movie on 11/14. She told me that her weekends were pretty full (she has 2 kids) until about Christmas but she would like to come over sometime. I sort of thought she may have been politely hinting the opposite, but then she calls yesterday evening and tells me her original plans with the kids are probably not going to happen this weekend so she'd like to come over on Saturday for a few hours. And that leads me to my question. I was extremely introverted when I was a kid and only in the last few years have I started opening up to people. I have a pretty decent sense of humor (at least that's what I'm told), but I'm not so great with conversations (after a short time I usually draw a blank and am not sure what to say/do). I value our friendship so I don't want her to feel like she wasted her time coming all this way to see me (I live an hour away), so I was wondering what should I do to make sure she has fun when/if she comes? Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 Easy. Be who YOU ARE. Be yourself buddy.That's why she wants to come see you. She likes YOU for WHO YOU ARE. Don't try to be someone you are not. Don't put on the Hugh Hefner schtick. Just be you. The conversation will flow. If there is a pause, so be it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Revec Posted November 19, 2009 Author Share Posted November 19, 2009 Sorry, can't do the Hugh Hefner schtik. I don't have the required pipe or robe. I hear what you are saying though. I was VERY nervous the first time I met her for lunch and that turned out fine. I guess the length of time is what has me concerned. Link to post Share on other sites
Midnight Rider Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 ...I was wondering what should I do to make sure she has fun when/if she comes? Go buy a bottle of wine and offer some drinks when she comes over. If you're purely a geek, it will be a boring night. If you want some adventure and a chance to crack out of your shell, plant one on her lips and try to make out with her. That's what I would do. Forget watching movies or playing xbox. Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 Plan some things to do with her. Surprise her. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Maintain the friendship. Keep it light. Be a gentleman and a good host. Offer a drink but don't use it as a ruse for something more. Social etiquette is key. I don't recall an offer to visit to be an invitation for anything but companionship and a lighthearted conversation. As someone said, they like you for who you are. Be that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Revec Posted November 20, 2009 Author Share Posted November 20, 2009 (edited) Thank you for the responses. My reason for inviting her was simply to spend some time with a friend whose company I enjoy. Nothing more than that. As suggested, I will keep the conversation light and will try to relax if I can't think of anything to say right away. Edited November 20, 2009 by Revec Link to post Share on other sites
Midnight Rider Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Thank you for the responses. My reason for inviting her was simply to spend some time with a friend whose company I enjoy. Nothing more than that. As suggested, I will keep the conversation light and will try to relax if I can't think of anything to say right away. If that's all it is to you, then why are you so anxious and paranoid about it posting a thread for help? Haven't you ever invited anyone to your house before? If it's just "friends" then do what you do when you aunt or uncle comes over, and everything will be fine. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Clean. CLEAN CLEAN! shave the toilet, bleach the grout lines, do the dishes, hide the porn & febreeze anything with fibers. And dust. Trust me on this one. As for what to do? I say cook dinner together. Whether that's going out & buying what you need with her or before hand. I think that'll be fun. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Revec Posted November 21, 2009 Author Share Posted November 21, 2009 I wouldn't say I was paranoid, but I am anxious about tomorrow. The fact of the matter is I rarely invite anybody to my house other than my parents. If I do it's usually a bunch of people from work to watch football so I don't usually have to carry a conversation for long periods of time. It's not that I wouldn't mind having people come to the house, but I live a long way from where I work and nobody (male or female) has ever expressed an interest in coming out to my house before. One question: How do you "Shave a toilet?" Link to post Share on other sites
Author Revec Posted November 21, 2009 Author Share Posted November 21, 2009 Woops double post. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Revec Posted November 21, 2009 Author Share Posted November 21, 2009 Guess I will have to find out if I can hold a longer conversation some other time. The plans my friend thought weren't going to happen ended up happening so she texted me this morning that she was on her way to pick up the kids and couldn't make it. I texted back no problem and that we could try again when her schedule works out. I must admit I was a little disappointed when I first read it, but part of me is also relieved that she isn't coming out. Link to post Share on other sites
Jordanjames Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 I know some people might not agree with me but I think the OP likes this woman and maybe she likes him too. Of course, it is too soon to be sure what is going to happen. I thought of something why doesn't the OP ask the woman if she would like to watch a DVD movie or something? Ask her what kinds of movies she likes? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Revec Posted December 19, 2009 Author Share Posted December 19, 2009 I know some people might not agree with me but I think the OP likes this woman and maybe she likes him too. I do like this woman and I know she likes me too; however I rather doubt there's anything more than that based on a couple things she's done recently. 1. A few weeks ago I was really swamped with work and didn't have a chance to talk to her. The next day in the afternoon she called to say she hadn't heard from me at all this week (it was Tuesday) and was wondering what I was up to. 2. Also, about two weeks ago I had to leave early to beat a winter storm. When I got home I accidentally left my cell phone on vibrate and had set it in the dining room. Later that evening I went to call my brother and noticed that an hour earlier she had texted me if I had gotten home ok and then called about 10 minutes later and left a message. She's never done that before during crappy weather and she didn't say anything about calling me when I mentioned I was leaving work early so I wasn't expecting to hear from her. When I called her back to say I was ok she told me how happy she was that her best friend hadn't been hurt or killed in accident. Anyway the other reason for my posting is tomorrow morning I am meeting her and driving to the mall to finish Christmas shopping. We'll be on the road for an hour both ways and the plan is to be back in town around 4:00 so she can meet her parents and kids for a Christmas function. I don't expect this to be canceled so I'll see how I do then. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 She might like you as a friend (based on the 2 things you posted), and she really may like you romantically (based on the 2 things you posted). Tomorrow sounds like fun! My son has started dating a bit, and he is always worried about "dead silences". I suggested that he think about 5 good topics of conversation that are open-ended as fillers for dead places, and then a lot of his nervousness disappears. Like, think of a place you are driving past that is a restaurant/shop, and ask "Have you ever eaten there?" or "I got my mom a great gift in there last year. Do you like things like pashminas or shawls?" Link to post Share on other sites
Miko Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 Awkward silences aren't so bad if you look at it as 'sexual tension'. Have a 'silent conversation' for a minute or so Sexual tension is good stuff. And CLEAN CLEAN CLEAN EVERYWHERE EVERYWHERE. Made that mistake last week. Was drinking with my buddy at home and got on facebook and invited my 'friend' over since she just moved closeby but the house was a disaster, I had all of 60 seconds to clean before she showed up. I was so embarrassed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Revec Posted December 19, 2009 Author Share Posted December 19, 2009 (edited) Just got back home. There were some silence gaps while shopping but overall I think it went well considering how long we were together (6 hours). She ended up doing a lot, but not all of, the talking but I held up my end pretty well and I made sure to give her my opinion whenever she showed me something she liked or thought was cute. When we got back and I started moving my Christmas stuff to my car she told me that she had fun, gave me hug, and told me to call when I got home so she knew I made it ok. Edited December 19, 2009 by Revec Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 Revec I want you to keep running in your mind that this woman only sees you as a friend. If she saw you as more, she would have given you clear signs that she is into you. Not only that but you are taking to long to make a move, and she might have alread yfriend-zoned you but you dont see it yet. You have to make a move soon so you know if you have the chance you want. Dont keep being a friend to her and dragging it out because youre afraid to make a move, just to be dissappointed later, you are getting attached to a woman who is not attached to you. Do not think she likes you, I dont think she sees you romantically, and as much as youve been hanging out with her, she never will. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Revec Posted December 20, 2009 Author Share Posted December 20, 2009 (edited) Revec I want you to keep running in your mind that this woman only sees you as a friend. If she saw you as more, she would have given you clear signs that she is into you. Not only that but you are taking to long to make a move, and she might have alread yfriend-zoned you but you dont see it yet. You have to make a move soon so you know if you have the chance you want. Dont keep being a friend to her and dragging it out because youre afraid to make a move, just to be dissappointed later, you are getting attached to a woman who is not attached to you. Do not think she likes you, I dont think she sees you romantically, and as much as youve been hanging out with her, she never will. I think you are probably right Boogie but I'm confused by the way she has acted of late. I do see and talk to her much more frequently but it's her initiating much of the contact. Recently she has become much more touchy (frequently touching my arms or lightly hitting my chest) and when I tease her sometimes she will smack my arm or chest, pretend like I hurt her feelings, then grin at me. She also has started calling me Sunshine (I think because I am tired in the morning). She doesn't do any of these things to any of her other friends, but nevertheless I can possibly see someone doing that to a close friend (non-romantic). However, she has also started to say some things I wouldn't dare say to a friend of the opposite sex. Today we were looking at a kiosk that had some jewelry she liked. She pointed to a necklace and said "oh this is nice". I asked what would she wear with that and she looked at me, smiled, and replied: "Nothing", then giggled and pointed to another necklace she liked. I wouldn't say that to a friend. I guess I'm confused. I like her and would be ok with dating her. However, I'm not 100% convinced there's anything there so why ruin a good friendship. Maybe I should just keep trying online dating. That's what I've been trying the last 3 months. Edited December 20, 2009 by Revec Link to post Share on other sites
Miko Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 By that last post it sounds like she just might be into you. Get moving Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 Just bite the bullet and ask her to dinner. I think she sounds like she is trying to show you she likes you romantically, but she knows you are shy. Link to post Share on other sites
Peaceful Guy Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 clean the house.. cook some great food.. lots of dif. drinks on hand.. relax, and listen.. Link to post Share on other sites
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