Jump to content

People Think I'm a Snob, and That KILLS Me


maleficentdude

Recommended Posts

maleficentdude

People around me (except for the ones who truly know me) have always said that I come across as snobby, stuck on myself, and unfriendly. The truth is, I'm just really shy and insecure when it comes to socializing with people.

 

It took me a long time to become comfortable with the majority of the people who are now my friends. But it seems a lot of people aren't willing to see that I'm shy and approach me; instead, they think that I'm stuck-up and a snob. And so most people stay away from me. It's gotten to the point where even if I TRY to talk to people I don't know, they usually blow me off and walk away. And that just makes it even worse.

 

How do I get over my insecurities so that people will stop thinking these horrible things about me? I do have several close friends, but it bugs me that A LOT of people think I'm a snob when that couldn't be further from the truth.

 

Any advice?

Link to post
Share on other sites

your best weapon is your smile. Because I guarantee, no matter how shy you are or how hard the other person might be to reach, a genuine smile always provokes positive thoughts.

 

unless the other person is in a grumpy mood and WANTS to be an *sshole!

Link to post
Share on other sites

I dealt with this too. Being an introvert, I always came across as standoffish when in reality I just could never think of anything to say. Or somehow I couldn't connect with people because I didn't want to share my life story with them immediately if not sooner.

 

I agree with Q, I just try to smile, and make small talk as best I can, and be a good listener, ask others about themselves. Everyone loves someone who listens. It's also insanely hard for me to make friends, and last year I started grad school so I was really worried about meeting people...I found that if I just tried to relax and do the best I could, I ended up being okay. It took a while but I have found some friends I care about. My circle probably isn't as wide as others, but it works for me.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Doesn't this suck? I've struggled with extreme shyness all my life. On the other hand, if I am with a few friends and a couple of strangers, I can be very outgoing, to make them feel comfortable. Safety in numbers?

 

I was in my 30's when my brother started dating a girl I went to HS with. That's when I found out how many people thought I was a stuck-up b*tch. I was shocked.

Link to post
Share on other sites
deux ex machina
your best weapon is your smile. Because I guarantee, no matter how shy you are or how hard the other person might be to reach, a genuine smile always provokes positive thoughts.

 

unless the other person is in a grumpy mood and WANTS to be an *sshole!

 

:laugh::lmao::laugh:

 

And OP, if they want to be an ass, don't let it get it you! :bunny:

 

The advice and empathy is great in this thread.

 

All of it is good, and this really stands out to me, from eeyore:

 

...On the other hand, if I am with a few friends and a couple of strangers, I can be very outgoing, to make them feel comfortable...

 

Focus on what you can give to the other person in the equation.

 

Look approachable, and just be yourself.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Ask yourself why you feel like you have nothing to say, I agree that sometimes shy people can actually be misunderstood for being snobby, I am quiet and shy most of the time and then if and when I feel comfortable people say that I am so much fun to be around, but it takes me a while to get there. I have to push myself to reach out to people because, well not sure why...just don't really want to give people the wrong idea the other way either...

 

At least your genuine and not someone who needs attention from the world to feel secure.

 

Just be yourself and say hi and smile...

Link to post
Share on other sites

Learn a handful of really bad jokes to tell in social situations, and laugh at yourself as well.

 

Seems to work for me.

 

(I've been labeled as aloof on occasion myself. I smile and tell people, "Well,........the world needs more loofs.................)

Edited by freestyle
Link to post
Share on other sites

I am also shy, and I never know what to say in social situations. I have also been accused of being snobby and stuck-up in the past, when really I'm just shy. The fact is, most people assume that when someone doesn't speak to them, they're snobby - it doesn't occur to them that the person might be shy. So you have to make an effort to smile at everyone, say hello, and try to make smalltalk. I realise this might be difficult for you!

 

I'm going to offer some practical advice based on my own experience, so I apologise if this is too detailed or isn't what you wanted - it's meant in the spirit of helpfulness! I know this might seem obvious to more outgoing people, but this is stuff that I actually had to try really hard with.

 

The smiling part is easy - smile as much as possible, and look happy and approachable. Imagine you're attractive and interesting and everyone would enjoy talking to you - hold your head up and look around you, don't shrink down into your shell. Make eye contact with people (don't put your head down!) say hello, and give a big smile. It's going to feel forced at first, but it gets easier with time.

 

When it comes to conversation, a shy person's best weapon is a few well prepared phrases. Ones that I use are:

 

"So how do you know X?" (X being the person who introduced us). Follow up by mentioning how you know X, and X then becomes a common topic of conversation.

 

"Isn't it warm in here/cold outside/windy/whatever?" Follow up with something like "I got drenched when I went out jogging, but I still went because I enjoy it - do you do any sports?" This can lead to a conversation about sports and fitness.

 

"I like your dress/bag/necklace/whatever, the colour/style really suits you", or "That's a nice mobile phone, I'd love one of those" (people love compliments on their possessions or looks). This can lead to a conversation about whatever you complimented.

 

Say something specific about where you are or what's happening. "Did you enjoy the play?" "I thought the last presentation was really good; what do you think?" "I really like this building, it sort of reminds me of the architecture I saw in Italy - have you ever been there?" "This is my favourite song - what sort of music do you like?"

 

Notice that you're always asking the other person a question that can't be responded to with a yes or no - they have to tell you something that you can then follow up on. Similarly if someone asks you a question, don't just say yes or no - give a bit more detail so it turns into a conversation. If someone doesn't speak to you, don't sit around waiting - speak to them! They'll probably be glad that you started the conversation and they didn't have to. Half of your problem is that you sit around waiting for people to speak to you, and they never do because they assume you're a snob - you need to take matters into your own hands, however scary that thought might be. Force yourself to think of something to say and speak to someone! If people are already talking, listen and interject with your own comments: "Yes I agree with that..." "Something similar happened to me once..." and so on. Push yourself into the conversation, don't hover around waiting to be spoken to.

 

Since I've been feeling more confident I've actually been known to approach complete strangers and start a conversation by saying "Hi, my name is Thornton" and then follow up with something like "Isn't it quiet in here? I'm glad there's someone here to chat to!" or "Where's your accent from?" or some such comment. I felt absolutely stupid, but it worked! Even something as simple as approaching a group of people and saying "Do you mind if I join you? I'm on my own/waiting for a friend" works wonders.

 

I guess the main thing for me was getting up the nerve to actually speak to people and thinking of something to say - having a couple of ideas up my sleeve helped a lot, but unfortunately there's no way to become more confident other than by pushing yourself to speak to people and observing the positive consequences, which then makes you more confident to do it again.I hope this helped a bit :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

On a side note it does pose the question of how to know *upon first Impressions* when someone is being shy verses someone who is truly aloof and standoffish. I must say I have often mistaken one for the other.

 

In working in the business world, I do find the posture (stance) of a shy person does vary from someone who is snobbish and aloof. Two co workers come to mind at my workplace, one who is definitely a snob and will only associate with a person based on their attire and income . Another co worker is just so soft spoken that when she talks she makes no eye contact (looks to the ground) and stands twiddling her feet as if she is being yelled at. Neither is a joy to converse with , yet one of them is at least approachable ...and it isn't the one with the tailored suit.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...