kahn2154 Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 I don't have any friends and never really did. Part of it stems from the fact I suck socially and don't really get out. But for the few acquintances I've made via school, online, work it seems after a little bit they become sick of me. Since I really don't have anyone else to turn to I guess I become kind of clingy relying on them too much. But I am always the one in pretty much all of these situations to initiate contact so that is why I feel that I pretty much become a burden on them. I don't know if part of the reason is that I'm pretty much one dimensional and therefore suck at forming friendships or am not likeable (eg with school people I only talk school, work people, work, etc.) I just suck at broadening conversations, I really don't like to talk about myself and don't have much of anything else to talk about so the conversation never goes to far then the topic at hand. With some people at work I feel like I am always using them, eg I'll ask them for help (they are better at me, and work wise I have nothing to offer them) and I'd like to return the favor but really don't know how to. I'm just boring so I can't entertain them, everytime I seem to meet someone it becomes like this and I hate it. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 Hmmm. I'm no pro but it sounds like you find yourself boring. As in - you are bored. Solve that problem and I wonder if the rest would follow? Link to post Share on other sites
Author kahn2154 Posted July 1, 2009 Author Share Posted July 1, 2009 I'm bored because I sit home all day and have no friends and nothing exciting to do... Getting unbored would require social life, but no one likes me because I'm boring Vicious cycles suck Link to post Share on other sites
imani Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 Kahn, may try volunteering or joining a group/club that centers on things you're interesting in. That would be a good way to meet new people and get out more. The odds are in your favor that you won't "suck socially" if you are doing something that you are interested in. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 2, 2009 Share Posted July 2, 2009 Do you have any hobbies? They're a great way to meet people and conversation with them most likely won't be boring. No, you don't require a social life to have interesting stuff to do. Surely there must be SOMETHING... gardening, reading, sports, games, TV dramas, computers, cars, etc??? Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted July 2, 2009 Share Posted July 2, 2009 You know, to some people it probably looks like I have a very full life. but sometimes I am so bored with myself I get depressed. Still, thats only sometimes because I'm too busy to stop and think about it I guess. And there is good in that, depending on what your busy with. I would never have seen myself as someone who loves to get up every day and go to work. I'm basically lazy. I would never have seen myself as a volunteer at a halfway house. I'm actually fairly selfish. I would NEVER have seen myself involved in political campaigns...I hate politics. But somewhere along the line, I did get involved in these things. If nothing else, they all give me personal satisfaction and something to talk about. I would not say that any of these things are my personal priorities and main interests...but they do keep me active, fulfilled and to some - interesting. Engaged you know? Link to post Share on other sites
green_tea Posted July 2, 2009 Share Posted July 2, 2009 Do you have any hobbies? They're a great way to meet people and conversation with them most likely won't be boring. No, you don't require a social life to have interesting stuff to do. Surely there must be SOMETHING... gardening, reading, sports, games, TV dramas, computers, cars, etc??? I agree with this, you say you sit at home all day with nothing to do.. I am sure there is something you can find to do that you'll enjoy and before you know it there won't be enough time in the day. I was depressed for a long time and did nothing with my time. These days I draw, learning to sew, write programs and now I am never bored. Do you like movies? Get some dvd's out. That can give you something to talk about, if someone asks how your weekend was, you can start talking about some good movies you've seen.. You also say you realise you become a bit clingy with friends - it's good that you can see your own faults, and can work on improving them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kahn2154 Posted July 3, 2009 Author Share Posted July 3, 2009 Do you have any hobbies? They're a great way to meet people and conversation with them most likely won't be boring. No, you don't require a social life to have interesting stuff to do. Surely there must be SOMETHING... gardening, reading, sports, games, TV dramas, computers, cars, etc??? Yes, and no, my job most people would consider a hobby, don't like to mention it though because the response to it is usually very negative or positive. Love Sports, and TV, Sports you can only talk with guys about and never really talked TV... Link to post Share on other sites
Author kahn2154 Posted July 3, 2009 Author Share Posted July 3, 2009 I agree with this, you say you sit at home all day with nothing to do.. I am sure there is something you can find to do that you'll enjoy and before you know it there won't be enough time in the day. I was depressed for a long time and did nothing with my time. These days I draw, learning to sew, write programs and now I am never bored. Do you like movies? Get some dvd's out. That can give you something to talk about, if someone asks how your weekend was, you can start talking about some good movies you've seen.. You also say you realise you become a bit clingy with friends - it's good that you can see your own faults, and can work on improving them. I've actually managed to create a really nice TV DVD collection in the last year, while it takes up the time, I feel like I am just wasting it usually watching the TVs. I am really bad at getting personal (eg what did you do for weekend) because I"m a loser and never did anything fun and scared that is how people will perceive me. Heh, I am really good at spotting on my own faults, its honestly not a good thing Link to post Share on other sites
green_tea Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 You're not a loser, don't put yourself down. You're just a normal person that happens to be a bit lonely. Do try to get into more personal conversations with people, like if you see someone on Monday morning, just try the hi, how was your weekend thing. Most people don't do exciting things every weekend, so don't worry about just saying that you watched sports or watched a TV show or movie, or worked on your DVD collection. I think it's a great thing that you can spot your faults - most people can't. They think they are always right and don't even consider that they might be saying or doing anything wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kahn2154 Posted July 4, 2009 Author Share Posted July 4, 2009 You're not a loser, don't put yourself down. You're just a normal person that happens to be a bit lonely. Do try to get into more personal conversations with people, like if you see someone on Monday morning, just try the hi, how was your weekend thing. Most people don't do exciting things every weekend, so don't worry about just saying that you watched sports or watched a TV show or movie, or worked on your DVD collection. I think it's a great thing that you can spot your faults - most people can't. They think they are always right and don't even consider that they might be saying or doing anything wrong. I just suck at small talk, if I don't know what to say I pretty much go quiet. I am good at 'business' conversations, like if I have a purpose and I know what I'm going to say I can communicate normally, otherwise I choke and don't know what to say. E.G. going to buy a car, I'll have no problem communicating about car and transaction, but once salesmen asks me what I do/personal info about me its just uh........... Yeah, when you grow up with two parents who never did something wrong in their lives and always blame you it becomes easy to spot your faults. Link to post Share on other sites
bozwa Posted July 4, 2009 Share Posted July 4, 2009 You say you have no problem with conversation if you have a purpose. Try an exercise in consciously giving PURPOSE to small talk. Think of some random topics for conversation before you go to work or enter a social situation. Talk about how crappy the weather's been or how good it's been, and then tell reasons WHY you feel that way! Ask for their opinions. Talk about a movie you LOVED and why you loved it. Then ask THEIR opinion. Most people do like to talk about themselves and like to be asked their opinion on something. Tell what you feel, then draw them in and ask them about themselves. And also, while you and they are giving opinions and so on, the conversation often drifts off to other things and then begins to flow. ("The weather's been great, and I LOVE that because I love to kayak and go camping!" "Wow, really? Where do you camp?" "Oh really? What's it like there? I'd love to go camping, can you tell me what features this place has?" etc etc.) You can do this. It takes quite a bit of effort on your part (I know, you see, because I used to be you. ) but once you get the hang of it, then there will be no stopping you! haha If you feel uncomfortable, still trudge ahead. Example: I went over to my neighbor's house to drop off an order of something she ordered from me, and she invited me in. First thing that goes through my head "She's gonna want to sit and talk, what will I say?" so my first instinct was to say I had somewhere to be and leave. But I went against that and when she invited me in, I said sure. And it went fine. I gave my opinion on topics, then asked for hers. That's how I got through what you're going through. Give it a try. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 5, 2009 Share Posted July 5, 2009 Then talk to guys about sports -- nothing wrong with that! Join a Manchester United fanclub, or even better, get INTO a sport and join the local scene -- voila, people. Or participate in an online forum about your favourite TV shows, never hurts to start online. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kahn2154 Posted July 6, 2009 Author Share Posted July 6, 2009 You say you have no problem with conversation if you have a purpose. Try an exercise in consciously giving PURPOSE to small talk. Think of some random topics for conversation before you go to work or enter a social situation. Talk about how crappy the weather's been or how good it's been, and then tell reasons WHY you feel that way! Ask for their opinions. Talk about a movie you LOVED and why you loved it. Then ask THEIR opinion. Most people do like to talk about themselves and like to be asked their opinion on something. Tell what you feel, then draw them in and ask them about themselves. And also, while you and they are giving opinions and so on, the conversation often drifts off to other things and then begins to flow. ("The weather's been great, and I LOVE that because I love to kayak and go camping!" "Wow, really? Where do you camp?" "Oh really? What's it like there? I'd love to go camping, can you tell me what features this place has?" etc etc.) You can do this. It takes quite a bit of effort on your part (I know, you see, because I used to be you. ) but once you get the hang of it, then there will be no stopping you! haha If you feel uncomfortable, still trudge ahead. Example: I went over to my neighbor's house to drop off an order of something she ordered from me, and she invited me in. First thing that goes through my head "She's gonna want to sit and talk, what will I say?" so my first instinct was to say I had somewhere to be and leave. But I went against that and when she invited me in, I said sure. And it went fine. I gave my opinion on topics, then asked for hers. That's how I got through what you're going through. Give it a try. Heh, I've tried this before and it just comes out of my head a speech, I get nervous and don't listen to what the person is saying and fumble over my words. I just suck initiating conversation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kahn2154 Posted July 6, 2009 Author Share Posted July 6, 2009 Then talk to guys about sports -- nothing wrong with that! Join a Manchester United fanclub, or even better, get INTO a sport and join the local scene -- voila, people. Or participate in an online forum about your favourite TV shows, never hurts to start online. Really, when I was in school, besides school itself this was the only thing I talked about with other guys. Link to post Share on other sites
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