"I'm too busy"

[Raderick]

...this seems to be the excuse all of my friends are giving me. From the ones I want to date, to my established friends. And it's not like it's a one time thing, it's been happening for a really long time.

 

Example, I was dealing with some really bad **** at home, and I tried to talk to some friends because I just didn't want to deal with this crap. One said he was with his girlfriend, another was about to go to work, and then someone else I couldn't get a word in edgewise before she said she was taking off to see another friend of hers.

 

Another example I always get with a few friends is the so-called "schedule". Now, I hate schedules to the point where I don't even keep one. I prefer to live on the fly, or at the very most, a couple days notice. I know people do not live this way with friends, as I know by experience someone will hang out on a phone call's notice. I talk to a friend via AIM, and I ask if they want to hang out, she tells me she's tired. An hour later she tells me she is gonna hang out with another friend of hers, and takes off, leaving me hanging. You won't know how many times this has happen to me, yet I continue to consider them my friends. Why, I don't know.

 

I don't have a ton of friends, nor do I want that many, as I prefer a few close ones over a bunch. But find all of this a bunch of bull****. They can't give 20 minutes of time to talk? Do people just don't want to hang out with me? I'm way too shy of a person to be making new friends, and even then I come off as very emotional (not in the depressed way, I keep that part in the confines of my own home) and introverted.

[Sweetcheripie]

Don't take it personally. People are busy. Do you tend to talk a lot about your problems? Tough news but that can get really old and people will avoid you. Most are ok to deal with one crisis but to go on and on over and over can give you the same reputation as the little boy who called wolf.

 

When you have crap at home....how bout changing your perspective? Instead of calling a friend to talk about it, why don't you try to escape your problems by calling a friend and see what is up with them? Ask them about their life? Sometime you might find out their problems are worse than yours and you will feel great if you can help them out!

 

If you have the ability to talk to a therapist - that is where you can go to talk about yourself. Or Love Shack!!! This is a great place to put your problems or issues and lots of people will reach out. With your friends you should be reaching out to find out about them.

[Raderick]

Don't take it personally. People are busy. Do you tend to talk a lot about your problems? Tough news but that can get really old and people will avoid you. Most are ok to deal with one crisis but to go on and on over and over can give you the same reputation as the little boy who called wolf.

 

When you have crap at home....how bout changing your perspective? Instead of calling a friend to talk about it, why don't you try to escape your problems by calling a friend and see what is up with them? Ask them about their life? Sometime you might find out their problems are worse than yours and you will feel great if you can help them out!

 

 

If you have the ability to talk to a therapist - that is where you can go to talk about yourself. Or Love Shack!!! This is a great place to put your problems or issues and lots of people will reach out. With your friends you should be reaching out to find out about them.

 

I honestly don't talk about my issues very often for that very reason alone, online or otherwise. Only if some really heavy **** hits the fan, I'll want to talk about it to someone. I've always been one to let things happen and then let them build inside. It's not like I'm going to friends about every little bad thing that happens.

[Sweetcheripie]

That's good!

 

Just remember...people are selfish sometimes. It's nothing personal.

 

Hang in there!

[blind_otter]

One said he was with his girlfriend, another was about to go to work, and then someone else I couldn't get a word in edgewise before she said she was taking off to see another friend of hers.

 

These all seem like valid reasons that these people are not necessarily immediately available to talk about your problem - you have to understand that they are just living their lives, and you may very well not be as high on the priority list as partners, work, or other friends or family that may be closer to the people you are reaching out to. It is not anything personal towards you, and they are not intentionally trying to make you feel bad by being busy with work, romantic partners or other friends.

 

If this is a serious issue, you could call a crisis hotline. If it can wait, maybe you could let a close friend know that you are having troubles and need them to set aside some time to talk. You may hate schedules, but sometimes appointments are necessary.

 

Another example I always get with a few friends is the so-called "schedule". Now, I hate schedules to the point where I don't even keep one. I prefer to live on the fly, or at the very most, a couple days notice. I know people do not live this way with friends, as I know by experience someone will hang out on a phone call's notice.

 

Some people really do need to schedule things. I am one of those - I can't hang out at a moment's notice, unfortunately, that's just the way it is.

 

I talk to a friend via AIM, and I ask if they want to hang out, she tells me she's tired. An hour later she tells me she is gonna hang out with another friend of hers, and takes off, leaving me hanging. You won't know how many times this has happen to me, yet I continue to consider them my friends. Why, I don't know.

 

You may well not have been high on her priority list - is this someone you are friends with, but you want to date? She may know this and may be trying not to hang out as much because she prefers to just remain friends. I've done this before, when I valued the friendship but didn't want to deal with the awkwardness of rejecting a friend.

 

But you may want to rethink who you consider friends. If your relationships are not reciprocal - if you are giving more to them than they are to you, then they may not be true friends....

 

But if you don't really offer your time to listen to their problems, and you never ask how they are doing, then they may not realize that you want something from them that you are not willing to give.

 

I hope I didn't insult you indirectly, there is so little information in the OP that I was just trying to cover a lot of bases...

[Raderick]

These all seem like valid reasons that these people are not necessarily immediately available to talk about your problem - you have to understand that they are just living their lives, and you may very well not be as high on the priority list as partners, work, or other friends or family that may be closer to the people you are reaching out to. It is not anything personal towards you, and they are not intentionally trying to make you feel bad by being busy with work, romantic partners or other friends.

 

If this is a serious issue, you could call a crisis hotline. If it can wait, maybe you could let a close friend know that you are having troubles and need them to set aside some time to talk. You may hate schedules, but sometimes appointments are necessary.

 

 

 

Some people really do need to schedule things. I am one of those - I can't hang out at a moment's notice, unfortunately, that's just the way it is.

 

 

But you may want to rethink who you consider friends. If your relationships are not reciprocal - if you are giving more to them than they are to you, then they may not be true friends....

 

But if you don't really offer your time to listen to their problems, and you never ask how they are doing, then they may not realize that you want something from them that you are not willing to give.

 

I hope I didn't insult you indirectly, there is so little information in the OP that I was just trying to cover a lot of bases...

 

I do apologize for being a bit vague and not giving a lot of information.

 

I think if anything I'm just really kind and helpful to my friends. I always try to text friends at least how their night went (if I knew they did something fun) and see how their day is going so far. I absolutely make sure of it that they know I deeply care about them and would do anything within my power for them at any time to help.

 

Maybe I'm expecting more out of my own friends. I know they have other friends of their own who I don't know or don't hang out with myself, but I guess that's one of the downfalls of having a shortlist of friends rather than a lot.

 

You may well not have been high on her priority list - is this someone you are friends with, but you want to date? She may know this and may be trying not to hang out as much because she prefers to just remain friends. I've done this before, when I valued the friendship but didn't want to deal with the awkwardness of rejecting a friend.

 

How did you guess? We both agreed we wouldn't date right now and we would open the door when time sees fit, but I don't appreciate the lying at me. I think it's all a bunch of bull**** that I would NEVER pull off. If I'm too tired to hang out with one person, I'm too tired, period.

 

Like I said, maybe I'm expecting too much. I'm just tired of all of the excuses coming up ALL THE TIME!

 

If this is a serious issue, you could call a crisis hotline. If it can wait, maybe you could let a close friend know that you are having troubles and need them to set aside some time to talk. You may hate schedules, but sometimes appointments are necessary.

 

Trust me, it didn't get that big. But...um....if none of my friends want to hear about it, who's this "close friend" you speak of?