I Luv the Chariot OH Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 i started working a retail job part-time last year for a bit of extra money, and ended up really liking it. i became pretty good friends with a lot of my co-workers, including a male- let's call him x. looking back, it was pretty obvious he had a crush on me right from the get-go. the day after we met at the store, he somehow found out my full name and added me on facebook; he was ALWAYS trying to hang out with me (and if i had other plans, he would either 1. guilt-trip me, or 2. invite himself along); one time when we were hanging out alone, he tried to make a move on me. but here's the thing- he knew i was in a relationship all along (and it's not like i don't talk about my boyfriend). it started to make me feel uncomfortable, so i backed off a bit. he just came on stronger. he's shown up at my house (in which i live with my boyfriend) unexpectedly. and if it's not unexpectedly, he'll call and say "i'm walking toward your house now, can i come over?" he calls and texts constantly and gets mad if i don't answer. i didn't really talk to anyone at work about it because it seemed as though x was friends with everyone, and i didn't want to cause tension. however, recently it has come to my attention that he is doing almost the exact same thing to three other girls at work- and they just happen to all be around my age, and very attractive. now we've come together and let our grievances out, and hearing everyone else's stories makes me terrified (the youngest girl is 17, and he sometimes shows up at her HIGH SCHOOL without warning- he's 22). unfortunately, he is somewhat of a superiour to us, and i am finding it difficult to keep up the professional guise at work. here's the thing, though- apparently x has told at least one other person that he thinks myself and my friends have crushes on him (three of us have boyfriends, the other doesn't believe in relationships), so i'm thinking maybe he's just really socially confused. either way, he is creeping all of us the hell out, and i dread the days when i have to work with him. i have no idea what to do. he's not my boss, per se, but he does have some authority over me at work. i don't want to quit because i'm going to grad school in september and it doesn't seem worthwhile for me to find a job that will only last three months (and besides, i like everyone else there). what can i do while still maintaining some semblance of professionalism? Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 I don't know how he is interacting with the 4-or-so of you at work, but I'm inclined to suggest that the bunch of you file a sexual harrassment complaint with the employer. Check with HR to see how to go about it. Whether it actually comes to anything is almost besides the point, it will give him a very clear wake-up call that he needs to back the hell off ASAP and will at the very least alert his superiors that they may well have a problem employee. Document everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 Mann this guy is just plain creepy. I'm not how it works over there but since you and 3 others are facing the same problem then you should file a complaint as stated by GorillaTheatre. Link to post Share on other sites
Author I Luv the Chariot OH Posted May 21, 2009 Author Share Posted May 21, 2009 i don't think filing a complaint with our employer would be relevant because he's never done anything creepy at work- he's generally professional. i can just see our hr department saying "so what? that has nothing to do with us." i don't even know if it would serve as a wakeup call- if he can convince him that four girls who are way too good for him and avoid him at all costs have crushes on him, he can probably convince himself of anything the only thing i can think that MAY be helpful is alerting our superiours to his behaviour, letting him know that we are all uncomfortable with him- but they may do as hr and say it's not their problem. our company has some really godawful management. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 Well, my fall-back position would be for the four of you to present a united front to him, demand he back off, and if that fails, find the biggest, scariest guy the 4 of you know to convey the message on your collective behalf. And if he threatens to endanger your jobs, tell him in writing that he risks a quid pro quo ("this for that") lawsuit, and cc the mangement. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 Chariot, since you don't have faith in your HR department, you can check with Employment Standards/Labour Board in your jurisdiction to find out what are your employer's legal obligations for its workers' physical safety and mental health. The four of you can also visit the local cop shop to find out if they can intervene BEFORE anything goes horribly sideways, which this situation seriously sounds like it has the potential to do. Also won't hurt to file whatever type of police report sooner than later. I'd suggest those avenues first, but if you do decide to speak with him directly, I'd bring ALL the boyfriends along in the first place...PLUS a few extras -- as GT says, the bigger and scarier, the better. Going through the hassle of finding a Summer job may end up being your wisest plan of action rather than keeping yourself in harm's way. Best of luck to all of you. Link to post Share on other sites
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