Can you be friends with people who don't understand you?

[sibernox]

Let me start by saying this: I'm a 20 year old male and I've been best friends with the same group of 4-5 people for 6-7 years now. But often, I feel like I don't have much in common with them.

 

I mean, we do somewhat have the same sense of humor. But most of my friends are more concerned about business and making money, while that's really not on my mind. They often talk about business topics and I find myself out of place. To clarify, I am very outgoing and love to talk. They also seem to be preoccupied by their girlfrieds and put them way ahead of me, while I put them ahad of my girlfriend at any time. I'm really all for the "Bros before h**s" thing and I don't think they are at all.

 

Another thing: I feel like they don't understand me. For example, yesterday I was with my friend in the car, and he was talking about my vegetarianism. He was saying : "I think you should eat meat. you NEED meat to survive!". I then proceeded to say: "You're retarded, you don't know what you're talking about. Gandhi was a vegetarian for god's sakes! You don't need meat, you need protein and you can get that from other foods!".

 

He didn't wana hear any of it, and it just really bothered me. He's one of my best friends and now I keep checking if he's online because I wana make him know that you don't need meat to survive. It just bothers me so much. I'm just giving an example.

 

I also feel like I'm doing ALL the work in our friendships. I'm the one that always has to call to arrange get-togethers. It seems like they're always too busy and don't give a crap about me while I'm sitting here and caring about what they think.

 

I don't care what most people think about me but when it comes to my best friends, I care a lot.

 

It's just really frustrating. Any advice? Should I look for other friends?

[sfsassy]

Let me start by saying this: I'm a 20 year old male and I've been best friends with the same group of 4-5 people for 6-7 years now. But often, I feel like I don't have much in common with them.

 

I mean, we do somewhat have the same sense of humor. But most of my friends are more concerned about business and making money, while that's really not on my mind. They often talk about business topics and I find myself out of place. To clarify, I am very outgoing and love to talk. They also seem to be preoccupied by their girlfrieds and put them way ahead of me, while I put them ahad of my girlfriend at any time. I'm really all for the "Bros before h**s" thing and I don't think they are at all.

 

Another thing: I feel like they don't understand me. For example, yesterday I was with my friend in the car, and he was talking about my vegetarianism. He was saying : "I think you should eat meat. you NEED meat to survive!". I then proceeded to say: "You're retarded, you don't know what you're talking about. Gandhi was a vegetarian for god's sakes! You don't need meat, you need protein and you can get that from other foods!".

 

He didn't wana hear any of it, and it just really bothered me. He's one of my best friends and now I keep checking if he's online because I wana make him know that you don't need meat to survive. It just bothers me so much. I'm just giving an example.

 

I also feel like I'm doing ALL the work in our friendships. I'm the one that always has to call to arrange get-togethers. It seems like they're always too busy and don't give a crap about me while I'm sitting here and caring about what they think.

 

I don't care what most people think about me but when it comes to my best friends, I care a lot.

 

It's just really frustrating. Any advice? Should I look for other friends?

 

I have different types of friends. Some more hippieish, some more yuppiesh. I like the different energy and perspectives they bring. However, if someone was not respecting my choices, then I wouldn't be friends with them. I eat meat, and lightly tease my vegetarian friends, but totally respect their choice. (and I tell them I wish I could make that choice, but love steak way too much, lol.) Also people who just talked about money and business would just bore me. I think these friends may just have fundementantly different values from you, aand you have to find ones who share a few of your interests.

[kizik]

Sibernox,

 

at the age of 20, one is still usually hanging out with one's high school friends. There's a weird transitional period that happens after HS and before college; you still hang around your loser friends, but you feel a disconnect from them.

 

What you're going through is normal. Chances are, your friends are just people you met in HS that you hung around with for a sense of belonging and security.

 

In the next few years, you'll ditch a lot of those people. You'll find that you're happier and better off without them.

 

This is all part of growing up. Good luck.

[sibernox]

Thank you both for your replies. Really appreciate it.

 

Yeah, most of them are my friends from high school. I love them though, I feel like these are the friends that I will grow old with, but I also find myself asking whether or not they care about me the way I do about them.

 

And it's just really annoying that I care so much what they think of me. Since yesterday, the only thing I've been thinking about is the incident with my friend in the car about my vegetarianism. It really bothers me that he thinks like that.

 

Do you think I should call him or osmething to continue the conversation?

 

Thanks again.

[kizik]

Look - when you say you don't feel like they care about you - you're probably right. It's harsh of me to say, but you need to learn to trust your gut.

 

Trust your feelings. Feelings are always correct. Feelings cannot be wrong.

 

Don't call your buddy. He's just a douche. They all are. In fact, stop trying with them. They don't care.

 

Are you afraid to be alone? I know how that is. But here's the thing - it's not so bad. You can get a lot of learning done about yourself when you're alone.

[sibernox]

Yeah, I know what you mean. And I do understand that it's all part of growing up.

 

He contacted me through email and said he was joking about the whole vegetarian thing, so I guess that's good.

 

Thing is, if I don't contact them to make plans, I get bored staying at home. Yeah, I do things with my gf, but I also need my guy friends.

 

It doesn't help that I'm not working right now and school's done so there isn't much of a chance of meeting new people.

 

Thanks again.