You remember a friend's b-day, they ignore yours

[WTRanger]

Would it be considered a petty topic to bring up to a friend as to why the ignored/forgot your birthday? Would it serve any point other than to just stir the pot? Part of me wants to know why a friend of mine didn't even wish me a happy birthday. I never expected gifts, but I did kind of expect a call, text, email, etc considering I remembered their birthday.

 

Just a quick back story, my friend and I have birthdays that are back to back. Her's (yes she's a chick and I'm a guy) is first and mine follows the next day so it's not like there was weeks or months between the two. I just did something simple for her's. A phone call and I sent a simple bouquet of flowers to her work. Because, what girl doesn't like getting flowers, especially at work? She thanked me several times and said it was sweet of me. Then the next day, I get dead silence from her.

 

Now anytime the topic comes up of our birthdays, she either avoids it or solely focuses on her birthday. If it's in person she'll get quiet, you can see her mind racing, and she'll steer the topic away. If it's in text or email, she'll answer every other question but always avoid the birthday.

 

I'm starting to think that this person isn't a close friend. Is that too petty of me? She has shown me other instances where she's not who she says she is, so this is just another sign. And yes, she knows when my birthday is. We've had many conversations about how cool/weird it was and how it's just one more thing we share in common.

[Trialbyfire]

WTRanger, I think it sweet that you sent her the flowers and remembered her birthday.

 

Having said that, try to gift freely. If someone doesn't appreciate it, don't do it again. Everyone has a different language of love and version of friendship. If you can't get beyond this, it might be time to find a friend who speaks the same language as you do.

[carhill]

How does she care for your friendship in general? IMO, this is really critical. How proactive is she?

 

Has she ever suggested that the two of you get together for a dinner out and celebrate both of your BD's at the same time? Stuff like that. What such an invitation would tell me, and this wouldn't have to interfere with other plans you each might have made, is that you are on her mind as a friend and she gets joy out of such things. My BFF and I did such things for many years when we were both single. I never failed to get a card from her and we took each other to dinner on a number of occasions. We each thought of the other and recognized the other's value. That's what friendship is about, IMO.

 

The flowers were very sweet, but a little too nice unless she's a very close friend, or you live in a culture where flowers are commonly given, both to women and men. In any event, good on ya for valuing her

[WTRanger]

I had never expected a gift in return. But I'll admit I was a little let down when I didn't even get an email or text on my birthday. A lot of my really close friends didn't say much on my birthday, but that's who they are. I know them, I know they will come through in spades for me if I need them.

 

This girl, this was the first time I'd come across her birthday, we'd known each other for about 8 months and yes we became close, very close. At least I had thought. The confusing kind of close, which neither of us knew where we were headed with each other. Then she went distant on me, claiming stress and other stuff. Our birthday's were rapidly approaching and I wasn't sure if she'd do something for me so I did what I naturally would do. If I had known she wasn't even going to acknowledge my birthday, then I would have left it at a text and nothing more. But I didn't know and I didn't want to feel like a rod if she did something for me and I didn't do anything for her.

 

Back when we were hanging out all of the time, yes we did talk about planning a big birthday bash. It was about 50/50 when we would plan to hang out. Sometimes she'd ask, sometimes I'd ask. But then things went weird, she hit a rough spot in her life and withdrew from me and from what I understand most of her other friends. Yes, there were some rather confusing feelings involved, I won't lie. But it was the situation where I asked myself, "Who am I kidding? I spend all week with this girl and she's put a lot of trust into me. So where are we going with this?" Well, she refused to answer that question too. She went distant and we really didn't talk much up until a few weeks before the birthdays and we started to reconnect. So I figured, screw it. I just went for the gusto. I felt I didn't have anything to lose. But I didn't expect the dead silence and how that would be kind of a knee to the balls in the most literal sense.

 

This wasn't the first time she got flowers from me either. I'm starting to realize that we were closer in my head than what we really were in life. I think I was a friend of "opportunity" and nothing more. It just sucks, because of the closeness of our birthdays. I mean, the day after. For the rest of my life, I'll never forget when her birthdays is because it's soo stinkin' easy to remember.

 

I just don't get how people can not even say, "I'm sorry, I forgot." or "I was abducted by aliens." or something. But to not acknowledge, and not even give an excuse or answer the questions. That's just cold to me. I don't know if I'm putting too much thought into this either. But it's just one of those questions that just lingers in your mind. Like a good broccoli fart. It just hangs and hangs and hangs.

 

Yes, I have started to phase her out of my life as a close friend. She's fun to hang around with, but I cannot trust her anymore to call her a close friend. She's done other actions that make me question her ability to be a real friend, so this was the final nail in the coffin so to speak.

 

I was just curious. Because if a friend remembers my birthday, I'll make a mental or literal note to remember theirs. Just as a show of respect. Ya know?

[carhill]

The joy of friendship lies within you. You share it with people. When you come to die, you will not regret being who you are and sharing that with those you took time to care about. That's the gift of life

[Heroic]

Hey I turned 40 and the only people who wished me a happy birthday outside of my wife was a guy and a gal I met a month before at work.

 

People I knew for 25 years couldn't be bothered....

[carhill]

Hey, wait until you die; if you're lucky you might get an old picture printed in the paper and a lot of nice things said about you as you stare lifelessly at the ceiling of some church.

 

Welcome to the world of being male.

[Yellowboy]

It doesn't need to be a birthday. If you do something and they don't return the favor, it's a one-way alley. And I don't mean that you are doing something for the sake of getting something in return, friendship is a mutual relationship.

 

I've had many who do this. The moment I cut them off, they don't seem to care where I've gone, and it's kinda sad but that's when you also know the truth.