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Guilt trips and getting involved with friends disputes


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Hello everyone. Lately, I have a group of friends (Brad, Randy, Mark) that are in a dispute. I will save everyone the very very long story (Involves girls, relationships, basic immaturity), but all I can say is that I do not want to get involved. I have maintained a stance that I think the three of them should work things out on their own by speaking to each other. We are all adults here, so i think that isn't out of the realm of possibility.

 

Anyway, my dilemma involves Brad and Randy, they invited me if I wanted to hang out with them this week. I told them that I had made plans already to go to the movies. Which is good, because honestly, I really don't want to hang out with them right now because I know the whole time they will be lambasting Mark who they are disputing with. Or even worse, making Mark feel isolated that the 3 of us are hanging out without him (Randy would make a point to tell Mark that). I know I shouldn't worry about this kind of stuff, but I have a loyalty to Mark as I have known him longer and he has been a better friend to me than the other two. So, I told Randy about my movie plans, he proceeds to give me a guilt trip saying that he never sees movies he wants to see because no one will go with him. It boggles my mind seeing as Randy has a girlfriend!!! He then asks if Brad and Randy aren't invited. (Essentially, butting into my plans). I told him that my dad got the tickets. He doesn't give up mentioning that they can get their own tickets, they just want to know what time I am going and if they are welcome. I let him know the time, but tell him that I would rather just go with my dad, since we haven't done anything in awhile and since he got the tickets, I think he would rather have it just be him and me, as opposed to him, me and two of his son's friends. Well, Randy lays out the guilt trip again stating that I never do anything with him or Brad anymore either. He has a point there, but again, I really have no interest hanging out with Brad and Randy if all they are going to do is look for dirt on Mark or speak badly about him. I know those two fairly well and they have a track record of doing just that, so I am not making any assumptions in their actions. I ask all of you, am i doing the right thing or am I expecting too much of my friends to talk things out as opposed to having me do the talking for them?

 

Honestly, I am hoping to get a new job soon where I can be far away from all this high school drama. When all is said and done, I know Mark will be there for me, so I probably will maintain that friendship, can't say the same about Brad and Randy though. I have other friends that I can hang out with all fun and no drama, so I also am thinking I might need a change.

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I would suggest the honest and direct route: "It feels as if you're trying to lay a guilt-trip on me, or make me responsible for your movie-going experiences, or something. Whatever it is, please stop because I don't like it at all, and I have no intention of giving in to those kind of tactics. I'm also not comfortable hanging out with you guys because of how things are between the three of you. It's too much drama for me. I'm taking a pass. But I miss you guys and us hanging out like the adults we are, and enjoying drama-free fun. So...I'm really hoping and praying that you'all will sort it out sooner than later."

 

Something like that.

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20poundblackcat

I agree. You probably should just tell Brad and Randy that you're taking a break from them until they sort their crap out. You have every right to insist on not being subjected to their blasts against Mark. And let Mark know where you stand. He'll appreciate it.

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