A mysterious force keeps me from making friends, maybe jobs?

[burnwithme]

So.. I've had an issue for a while, and I'm pretty sure it's affecting every aspect of my life... I guess it's pretty hard for any of you to really assess whats going on, but i just can't make friends. I moved out here from the state i grew up, went to school, and graduated from. I have a handful of good friends there, which is alright. I'd rather have a few great friends than a ton of acquaintances.

 

So i moved out here, and started going to a community college. I kinda made friends with this one girl.. actually, we were pretty good friends, but then she TOTALLY turned into a complete bitch (as in, i knew her for 2 months or something, and when I told her my girlfriend and i broke up, she said stuff like "oh. no surprise, i don't see why you're so upset over something that was gonna happen anyway." Needless to say, i deleted her completely from my life.

 

I went to some parties with her before this, and kinda made some friends, i thought. I was invited to some subsequent parties, which went pretty well. I thought I met a group of kids who were JUST like me. Either didn't have a girlfriend, or had a rough time in their relationships, liked my kinda music, weren't from here, etc etc.

 

So we hung out a couple times, then they just stopped answering my texts and my calls... wtf?

 

The other thing... I had my eye on this girl in my Psych 1000 class, and never really talked to her. I saw her at one of these parties, and started talking with her. it was a brief conversation, but by the end, she was calling me "Psych buddy."

 

That was great! So next time i saw her in class i was like "hey, whats up?" and she just looked at me really ****in weird, and didn't say anything...

 

This kinda stuff happens all the time.

[D-Lish]

Did they stop returning your texts and calls after you deleted the girl you deleted from your life that was your conneciton to this group?

[burnwithme]

No. It was like... I went to a party through this girl, and saw the girl from my psych class... It was a HUGE HUGE party, and they didn't know each other. plus, i deleted this former friend after ALL this happened anyway.

 

The other parties I went to because of an acquaintance i made at my last job... We hung out, he took me to a party, then at that party, i made friends with another kid, and he took me to another party, and i met these kids who i thought were awesome.

 

It's... confusing. lol

[D-Lish]

No, I get it.

 

What kind of things do you talk about with these people?

It sounds like you have no problem making a good first impression- but something happens after and the calls stop.

 

So- something is happening where you just aren't connecting. It's hard to say what that is without knowing a lot more.

[burnwithme]

Yeah, i understand that. I really don't know. I mean, i'm agreeable, kinda quiet i guess... But i try not to be odd in any way. I talk when I have something to say, I laugh when others laugh, i contribute...

 

As for what we talk about, I dunno, it's all pretty random and spontaneous.

 

I am really biased in the music department, maybe pretty harshly critical (I do NOT like popular music, rap, hip hop, country, etc.) but i don't usually show my reactions to that kinda stuff often...

[D-Lish]

Well I can tell you one thing- it's not a mysterious force.

Which is a good thing to know- it means you can control/change something.

 

Why don't you ask the good friends that you do have to be frank with you about any issues they might see as a barrier to getting to know you.

They would have the best knowledge.

 

This girl that you dropped- it sounds like you did it rather quick and harshly. Was it just the one time she seemed flippant about your break up- or was she always like that with you and you just got tired of it? Is it possible that you talked about it too much? Meaning, she might have been having a bad day and was tired of hearing about your problems kinda thing?

 

As I said- it's hard to figure out what is going on from a couple stories.

And the girl from your psych class was probably loaded at the party and just forgot she talked to you.

 

Are you the kind of person that listens to other people? Are you selfish about your needs or unselfish? Do you have a good read on people when you meet them?

 

There are many reasons why people turn cold after accepting someone initially. They feel offended (what are you like when you're partying?),

They get a bad vibe, maybe they find the person to be draining or trying too hard.

 

There are lots of things to examine to figure it out.

 

Since these happen after parties- I'd ask... what are you like when you are drunk?

[burnwithme]

This girl that you dropped- it sounds like you did it rather quick and harshly. Was it just the one time she seemed flippant about your break up- or was she always like that with you and you just got tired of it? Is it possible that you talked about it too much? Meaning, she might have been having a bad day and was tired of hearing about your problems kinda thing?

No. What happened was... I dunno. We hung out a lot for quite a while. She had a long distance relationship, as did I, and we both knew and respected this. Besides, at very first sight i was attracted to her, but getting to know her made me lose any interest of actually doing anything with her anyway.

 

But yeah, she and i would hang out ALL the time, multiple times a week anyway. Then she stopped really contacting me. So i was like Hey, whats up? you ahvent been chilling with me much anymore.

 

She said that she "found a boy in her life here." So i was like what... that means I'm getting replaced or something? lol! her reply "no.. more of a boyfriend type thing."

Oh, ok. Well thats cool we should still hang out though. "ok, for sure, we will."

 

a few days goes by.. a week goes by, so I text her on a weekend. hey, whats up, you wanna hang out or something?

 

"no, i'm having a really ****ty week."

Oh.. sorry to hear. I am too (this was right about the time that I had a feeling my girlfriend and i were going to break up.. which happened a bit later). But hey, we should get together and talk. it always helps.

 

Not a very promising reply.. Dont remember what, but she started to get bitchy. Things continued and i was lik e"hey, i'm sorry youre having a ****ty week, but ****, so am I. It's been really hard..."

And she blew up on me, saying all this stupid stuff about how my breakup was inevitable and how the "old sean should go party with this new sean" and whatever... So i was like "thats a really ****ed up thing to say" (in reference to the breaking up part. Her reply? "Yeah, well you know it was bound to happen."

 

[DELETE] Nice try, thanks for playing, GOODBYE.

Are you the kind of person that listens to other people? Are you selfish about your needs or unselfish? Do you have a good read on people when you meet them?

Yes. Many people come to me asking for advice about things for that reason... Or at least they used to. I don't know if they still do. I'm not sure I really know my true self anymore, which is another problem.

 

There are many reasons why people turn cold after accepting someone initially. They feel offended (what are you like when you're partying?),

They get a bad vibe, maybe they find the person to be draining or trying too hard.

When i'm partying.. usually I don't know anyone, not having gone to any kind of school here except 4 odd classes at the college, spread over two years. So usually i try to be comfortable, confident.. have a smile on my face, try to talk a little to people.. I dunno, the HUGE party i went to i stood near the beer pong table.. had a beer in my hand, was happy, laughing with people, calling shots on the game every once in a while, and I wanted next game, so i called it, and got partnered up with another kid. In all honesty, this party was going GREAT! was talking to this girl and everything..

 

and then...

 

two rival groups decided to start a HUGE brawl, with like 15 people, which got out of hand (completely disrespectful to the girl hosting this party) and the party had to be disbanded.

 

 

Since these happen after parties- I'd ask... what are you like when you are drunk?

I havent been drunk at a party here yet... Well.. not REALLY drunk anyway. When i do, i tend to just warm up to everyone at the party

"Hey! What's up! Whats your name? ... Oh, right on, I'm Sean." kinda thing. I laugh a lot, i get tipsy, i dunno. I'm by no means an angry or withdrawn drunk. people.. SEEM to like me. But i rarely get drunk around anyone who i'm not good friends with.