Falling in love with my best friend

[leapy]

I have a confession to make.

 

 

I think I'm in love with my best friend.

 

 

I first met her 5 years ago. We were both students at the local college, both studying media and both of us felt a little bit like outsiders. We weren't friends at first, I wasn't the most sociable of people and spent most of my time in my own private universe. She, well she was too busy trying to be sociable and fit in notice someone who was trying to go unnoticed anyway.

 

 

One day, after the course had ended I was waiting at the bus stop and she came up to say hi. We both knew of each other of course, not even a social outcast like me can take a class and not learn who his classmates are, even if it's just their first names. I gave her a hug and she asked me if I fancied a drink. I did but we only had about £20 between us so we relocated to the cheapest pub we could find and got pissed.

 

True friendship was formed that night, we talked until closing time and after. I wouldn't say we bared our souls to each other, that came later, but I think we each saw in the other something that appealed to us.

 

 

I won't deny that I fancied her at the beginning. She is after all beautiful, stunning. She's short, 5ft nothing with long, dark hair, cinnamon skin and the sexiest eyes you've ever seen. Whenever I look into them I can feel my self falling, they hold me and sometimes its almost impossible to tear myself away.

 

 

But she was in a relationship and was happy in it so I didn't make a move. I don't believe that anything meaningful can come out of breaking two people up, doubts always start to creep in. If someone is single then by all means, but in a stable happy relationship, no. Besides, she was way out of my league. I'm the type of guy who girls either loath or think of as “sweet” when I get to know them. Sweet guys don't get laid. At the time we both needed a friend and we each found one, better than we could have hoped for. We are both extremely close, I've been her shoulder to cry on and she's been mine, we share our secrets and we have a closeness that I value beyond almost everything else.

 

 

Our friendship has lasted or over 5 years now, and its been a good one. When I realised that I wasn't going to get anywhere with her I let that side feelings go and haven't really been bothered by them since. Occasionally I think I got a signal from her that she was interested in being more than just friends but I just shook my head and decided I was reading too much into it.

 

 

She broke up with her boyfriend a few weeks ago. To be honest I think she had actually made the decision months before. I know she loved him, or thought she had but she didn't any more and they had been drifting apart for a while. Now as I said before I had fancied her rotten when we first met but cast those feelings aside and hadn't really been bothered by them since, however when she left her boyfriend that treacherous little voice called hope began whispering in the back of my mind, what if.

 

 

What if we DID get together, would it work, would it even be possible? Could she feel the same way about me as I think I do about her? Could it be that my “soulmate” for want of a better term could have been right under my nose the whole time without me realising it? The memories of all those little incidents while I've known her came back, each one in a new light, being re-evaluated, re-examined.

 

 

She told me the other day that since she broke up with her BF that she has been “seeing” a guy from college. I think a little bit of me died inside. It never bothered me who she was shagging before and its not like I've ever had any claim on her affections other than as a friend.

 

 

So why does this hurt so much?

[bubbles5]

You are hurt because its obvious u like her ,

If you want to know what she feels 4 u then I think u should hang around other female frnds n make some1 gf n just see how she reacts , if she feels jealous of ur fake gf then i think u should move slowly n show your feelings to her , abt how much u feel for her,,

 

Another main point she just got broke up with ex -bf so she is just finding another guy to weep her tears i guess she is just trying to get out of ex-relation,,

 

I would suggest watch her moves n talks towards her ,

For eg - if she needs u n u r always available for her then just try n dont do that , say that u r busy or something , n then see how she reacts,,

I mean to say just let her know that you r not taken for granted person,,

 

or else watch movie named "boys n girls" u will understand something out of it,,,

Just dont rush n vomit out ur feelings over her she may get scared ,

bcos she is going through phase of break up then u should wait,,,

 

or else there are possibilities she just accepts u as a best frnd , n if u do rush n tell her feelings she may think u have broken trust n all that ****...

:bunny:hope its helpful ..

[leapy]

OK,

 

I've had a chance to calm down and have a propper think about this. I was in a pretty dark place with my first post so I've taken a deep breath and started to analyize things a bit better.

 

Do I love her as a friend? Yes, I think I have for a long time now.

 

Do I want our friendship to transition into something else? Yes, I believe that we could have something special, we already have a closeness that could blossom into somthing new.

 

I have to face that fact that I DO feel more than friendship for her.

 

I also have to find out if this "thing" she's got going on with this guy is just a fling or the beginnings of something more serious. If it is just a fling then all well and good, if it's something more, welll I don't know. If that were the case I don't think i could stand to be arround her for a while, it would hurt too much.

 

We've talked about going to the cinima next week (with or without her new guy I don't know, If it is with him I think I'm goin to bail out) and she's coming over to my place for a night during the easter holidays (she's a teaching student and she's been on placement the last few weeks so i haven't seen her for a while) for a movie marathon. I think thats the time to ask her, I'm not going to pour my heart right out but I am going to to tell her how I feel about her and see what she says.

 

Fingers crossed.

[SlyMan320]

To be honest, the whole "what ifs" are, from what i believe, the worse thing to even consider. In any situation, the what ifs can't matter now. I know from experience that the what ifs make a hole in your heart that constantly feeds upon sad/anger from thinking of what "could have been". The only way to defeat this vile villain you have to make sure that if you had tried to be more than just her friend, it could have ended your entire friendship with her completely.

 

Seeing as you and her are probably out of college (its just my guess), its a lot harder to talk to her constantly and all. So this could have made the feelings of afffection that you once had for her, to soften just a little. You do still have feelings for her, but you cant let your feelings for her, destroy your chance at being with someone else who truly cares about you. Pursuit her if you wish, but don't let her be the only girl who you truly trust. Hope i helped

[leapy]

"What if" are the two worse words in the English language. I've been really torn up about this. I haven't even been able to listen to the radio, too many sappy love songs, thank god my own music collection has pleanty of upbeat instrumentals.

 

Actually just being able to talk about this has helped. Still hurting but at least I can see a way through now.

 

The suitation regarding how we met is quite complicated, I suppose the American equivelent is Juniour College, she went on to a teacher training program and i know how much it mees to her so I don't see her that often but we usually talk every week. In the summer we usually see each other every week minimum.

 

I have to talk to her, i've been trying to set up a drink this evening, time is not on my side, but its proving impossible to get hold of her.

 

Digital isolation really is a pain in the arse sometimes.

[SlyMan320]

yeah definitely. I find that if you really just get it all out, it often helps. If you do happen to get a drink with her tonight then you could try and hint that whats been going on lately, has destroyed your heart. This has happened to me, where, i just flat-out told the person that i liked; that i liked her. It doesn't always work, but it feels great to get it off my chest. I mean, you don't have much to lose and she could at least understand that you've liked her for so long. you could also tell her that you've had feelings for her in the past and see how she reacts.

[sarah63]

Oh this story sounds soo much like how my boyfriend and I got together. It was basically kind of the same, we were friends from years before but didn't get to be together until some years after. I was in a relationship and didn't really think of my then friend as anything else although I kinda had flirted with him a little. Then I finally broke up with my boyfriend and some weeks later I got to my office and found out that my friend send flowers to me and he was asking me out on a date. First I didn't know what to say but then I realized that I had nothing to lose so I said yes... the rest is history, we have been together for over a year now and never been so happy!

[leapy]

AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!

 

**** **** **** **** ****!

 

This is not going well.

[SlyMan320]

what happened?