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Did I do the right thing by best friend a married man?


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[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I have been friends or what I thought was best friends with a married man for the past 4 years. When I came to know him just because of how well we got on it was clear we were going to become friends so it wasn’t long before I was welcomed into his family and became great friends with his wife and children as well. In every sense it was a really great & true friendship full of love and support and all those things that we turn to our mates for & was very much a symbiotic friendship. They did lots for me and I did loads for them & would have done anything for them just like family really.[FONT=Tahoma][/FONT][/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Anyways at the end of last year my friend made a drunken pass at me - it was more a declaration that he felt very strongly about me - he said he loved me as a friend yes but ‘at times’ he loved me as more than a friend and that it was ‘very difficult’ &‘ worrying’ to him. He also wanted me to kiss him on the night. He said that surely I had felt it too. In honesty, while we were very close it was nothing to he and his wife together & I didnt feel the need to worry as they are just so in love & just crazy about one another & in a perfect marriage after 13 years of togetherness .[/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]All that said I got really & truly scared by this as I do sometimes believe that the truth flows when drunk. When I met him the next day he said he was sorry - didn’t really say what for or address it any more than that and said that he loved me ‘so so’ much but again he did want to kiss me. I offered to disappear off the face of the earth for the safety and well being of his family that day but he said there was no need. [/FONT][/sIZE]

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[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]In the weeks and months that followed while I tried my best to pretend that I was ok with everything, I really wasn’t. I was just guilt ridden & scared and felt that I had betrayed his wife and children and my friendship to them was becoming a lie because the husband had said and done this thing and I just really worried that I would impact his family by simply being me and in their midst. I was also hurting because I know that by pulling away I was probably hurting him as well but the greater good in my head was the happiness of his family and that’s the truth .I know he is never going to keave his family as they are his no 1 but that was not my concern my concern was that my friendship could jepordize his life and family and indeed my very own.[/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I couldn’t eat/sleep/think about anything else. So bit by bit I pulled back on any one to one contact between him & me. The less contact seemed to be going well for everyone and I was pleased as I thought this can be ok & I can continue my friendship with the family. However before the Christmas holidays he sent me a text saying that he missed me and he missed my friendship (that is really all the text meant) in the past this would have been just a simple text to me where as now everything I saw differently - I was devastated with guilt and sadness as whilst I really missed/miss him too I just could not say this back out of fear of any implication. [/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Eventually I had a conversation with him where I said I wanted less of the one to one contact (i.e. no texting/emailing) and that I just needed to re-establish myself as a friend of his whole family and he said that was fine by him however after this chat he text me again and I just didn’t reply - not out of badness but simply because I had asked him not to and felt I needed him to respect this & I was still feeling really uneasy in my stomach(that’s the only way I can explain the fear that I felt) .Finally he sent me this awful email saying that I was being rude and hurtful & discourteous to him by not answering his innocent text message .He also said that I was dealing with him the way that I typically deal with all of my problems & ignoring him and he decided there was no point to the friendship going forward.[/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I went to meet him after I received this email & asked him if he could just give me some more time to get back to normal but he said that as I had not moved on one bit over the past no of weeks/month & given the strength of our friendship he would have thought that I could have and so there was no point. I did try and make him understand that I was just petrified that I would hurt someone but I don’t think he got this .I accepted this as the end of our friendship albeit bizarre. I asked him what about his wife as I would have been in contact with her loads as well and his kids and he just shrugged his shoulders so that was it , friendship over.[/FONT][/sIZE]

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[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]That was it until 1 month later the family delivered me all these most thought filled birthday presents - again I was devastated with guilt because I knew I was still not ready to go back to them so instead I phoned the family and thanked them all for the presents .During that conversation he did offer me an olive branch to come visit but I was still not at that point so I let the offer slide plus I was still dealing with the fact that he had said a month previous there was no point to our friendship .[/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]2 days later he emailed me to see had I not received his sons text messages about the presents & my birthday which again I hadn’t as I had got a new mobile phone however I didn’t reply to this email as I just felt it was going to go on and on and I was still not ready . This email really hurt me the most as he knows how much I love his kids and there is no way I wouldn’t have replied to his message. [/FONT][/sIZE]

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[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]So now I'm a number of months on and I still feel awful about the whole thing & I feel like I am at fault all of this & for the loss of the friendships. I know we will never be friends again as he now hates me & my behaviours towards him & I need to accept that its just I really miss them all so much .[/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] When I see/meet him now he pretty much blanks me or looks at me with such hate it is like being punched. Do you think I have totally over re-acted and should I have let slide the fact that he said these things to me and wanted to kiss me but yet continue being best mates with the whole family .Would that have being the right thing to do ?[/FONT][/sIZE]

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[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I would really appreciate your help & advice on this as my heart just feels shattered and I miss them all so much it feels physical some days.[/FONT][/sIZE]

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