I lost my best friend

[ntaylor]

I am a only child, no parents, no boyfriend and/or husband and very few friends. I recently lost my bestfriend and really want her back. I always wanted a sister or close friend. I know friends are hard to come by. It is mostly my fault that we are not friends, I was so insecure, you see I am very cautious regarding people that are close to me. The only other friends that I have ever had are the ones I went to high school with. I am still kind of close to one them, I am very active in church, I attend EA support groups due to my emotions getting out of control. I hope to get married one day and maybe have a baby. But nothing will replace my best friend. I tried calling and saying sorry but it won't work. She feels like I was too much drama! I do understand and really do not blame anyone that would rid themselves of someone else that they feel are too much drama, I can not get over this! I thought keeping busy would help, I even have a new male friend that I will be going out with on Friday, I have a new job, a new relationship in my church, but nothing still seems to take this hurt away! Everyday I think of my friend and miss her deeply. What else can I do?

[Tony T]

Sorry...this girl was never your friend. It is impossible to lose a true friend, you can only find out who they are.

 

True friends don't abandon you without giving you chances to change. If this friend thought you were too much drama, she would have told you and given you a chance to tone things down a bit.

 

There is no reason you should want this person in your life now. She has shown you clearly she is not the kind of person you would ever want for a friend, unable to accept you and work on the friendship.

 

It is tragic but you will lose friends now and then all through your life for a wide variety of reasons. Many friends are situational and move on in different directions in their lives over time with circumstancers change. Others find other interests and lose commonalities with us....and on and on.

 

It hurts, it's sad but it's reality. Because of your background and current circumstances, it hurts even more. But you'll get through this. Be careful in making friends and understand they are there to be valued for the time and there is no guarantee of permanency.

 

True friends are very hard to come by. True friends are generally forever...but if you find just one or two in your lifetime, you are truly lucky.

 

My advice is to work through all your issues and get out there and find some really nice and caring people to hang with...and perhaps maybe a nice guy who will care for you in a special way. Be patient and don't get broken hearted when they move on.

 

Be like a tree who does not urge the birds to perch upon its branches nor does it beckon them to return when they fly away.

[butterflyz]

did your friend ever stop to think that she was also too much drama? what about her faults that you put up with? people never see themselves before making judgemental statements about others. she will come to eat crow for her statement to you. she will realize in time that you were probably the best friend she could ever have. but, that's all water under the bridge now.

 

you probably did most of your confiding in her, as she did to you. one thing i learned about people is that they can dump their problems all over you, but just try getting a little support yourself.

 

it is best that she is not in your life anymore. you don't see it now, but you will. don't bother to contact her. stand strong alone. and slowly, make new friends. one by one, you'll gather them. it will just take time. in the meantime, enjoy this time for yourself. think of it as you giving all of your time and energy for you, no one else. it feels great.

[HokeyReligions]

This sounds a lot like a discussion I participated in, in another forum. The only difference is that the person posting the problem was the one who walked away. She was hurt that she had to do it, but her friend was leaching all the joy out of her life and gave nothing back - no support, no shoulder to lean on, nothing. It got to be too much to bear and she felt that she was only enabling this person to continue a negative and self-destructive behavior.

 

We of course can't know all the circumstances and history between you and your friend, but from what you said my opinion is that you need to give it some time. Continue to work on yourself and your strength. Stop grieving over your friend and think about the reasons she left. Think about what kind of friend you were to her too.

 

As you get stronger it will feel better and be better and maybe in a few months you can just send her a card with no strings attached, no offers of getting together, maybe just a simple thank you or hope you are well. Or maybe you won't want to then.

 

Sounds like you are staying active which is good, and needing closure to a relationship is normal. Keep your focus on your future.