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best friends?


sweetgirl99

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I am wondering if anyone has some advice for me on this subject. About 6 months ago, My best guy friend got engaged. He didnt tell anyone about this relationship with his girlfriend at the time. In fact, he was acting very single up until the point where I found out about the engagement. Since I congratulated him and sent a card and such, I havent heard from him. Well, I take that back, I did see him at a wedding over the summer and he seemed distant to me. He seems to have shut me out of his life. He and I were incredibly close and I actually thought that one day he and I would be in a relationship..This was not talked about, so I dont understand why he would push me and only me out of his life. Especially when something so exciting happened. I was in shock when I found out about his engagement and he could hear it in the tone of my voice, but all I want is for him to be happy. Its pretty painful that he isnt a part of my life anymore and with no explanation. I feel that I've tried my hardest to put a smile on my face for him and to be accepting of this, although I love him very much and this is painful for me. Tomorrow is his birthday and I guess I've just been thinking about him an awful lot. I wanted to send him a birthday card, but my friends told me not to do it. They said that he doesnt deserve me after all of this. He sort of let me on in a lot of ways, based on how emotionally close we were to one another. It was just really strange how everything happened...

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Nobody has any advice whatsoever on this??? I see that so many have viewed...I wish someone would put in their opinon, either good or bad..it is appreciated :) Im just so stunned by all of this, anything would help!

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I agree with Yamaha. His fiancee probably saw the card you sent, started asking questions about you, and put her foot down that he's not allowed to have close girl friends.

 

Even if this weren't so abrupt, it is a fact that friendships between men and women do tend to fade away once one of them gets married. So, this would have happened sooner or later.

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Confusedalways

What the others said is probably true but there is only one person who knows and that is HIM. If I were you, i'd SERIOUSLY call his ass out on it. If you were as good of friends as you claim, this shouldn't be a problem. What have you got to lose at this point, he's already not talking to you. I would make it known how sad/annoyed I was and ask why he was doing this to me (you).

 

It's completely unfair and I really think you DESERVE an explanation.

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Thank you for the replies, I really do appreciate it. The thing about this situation, is that his fiance lives in England, we live in California. I know that she hasn't seen the card or even been around. I doubt very highly that he has talked to her about me either. Nobody (of our friends) has met her yet, supposedly she is going to be here for a few weeks in Jan. I agree that I deserve an explanation. I was thinking that maybe he feels like a real jerk for keeping her a secret and leading me on. This is some of the conclusins that my friends and I have come to. Who knows. I do think I should call him out on it. I hope you all had a great Christmas :)

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This may or may not have been mentioned, but i think that hes been trying to push you away, because he feels that hes so attached to you, that he can't let go. Now that he has a fiance, hes forcing himself to be distant. So that he can have a life with her... Its confusing probably but i did this before and this is, essentially, the same situation i was in.

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sweetgirl, your friendship wasn't a real friendship in that you were hoping for something more. I'm guessing he knew that and made the decision to cut ties once he got seriously involved with someone else.

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you guys are great to reply. I wish this situation was different. I think about him a lot and wonder how he could just stop thinking about me or our "friendship" just like that. His birthday just passed and it was a really hard day for me. I wanted so badly to just send a text so that he didnt think I forgot..I know he noticed that I didnt attempt to call or send a card etc. I just figured that because of him distancing himself, that was the best decision I could make. I dont even know how I'm going to go to his wedding. Its a catch 22. Darned if I do, Darned if I dont.

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you guys are great to reply. I wish this situation was different. I think about him a lot and wonder how he could just stop thinking about me or our "friendship" just like that. His birthday just passed and it was a really hard day for me. I wanted so badly to just send a text so that he didnt think I forgot..I know he noticed that I didnt attempt to call or send a card etc. I just figured that because of him distancing himself, that was the best decision I could make. I dont even know how I'm going to go to his wedding. Its a catch 22. Darned if I do, Darned if I dont.

Why would you go to his wedding? it is one of the biggest days of his life, but he basically pushed you out of his life. I mean, if he invited you, thats one thing, but he isn't making any attempt to keep you in his life. If thats the case, not going to his wedding will make him feel terrible about himself... As much as you may not want that, he deserves it.

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  • 2 weeks later...
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About a week ago, I went to visit a guy friend of mine, and his wife. This guy friend is also a mutual friend with the guy I have written this post about. Well he happens to live on the same street as the engaged friend. For some reason he was speaking to him earlier in the day that I was going to come to his house, and told him I would be there later that night to see the new home. Well the engaged friend knew I would be there that evening, and called the friend I was visiting in the middle of our visit.

 

He was asking questions such as "how did the tour of the house go" "do you still have company" trying to let it be known that he knew I would be there. I hadnt heard his voice in about 5 months and hearing him on the other end of the line asking questions about me made my heart sad. (I could hear him on the phone with our mutual friend who he called). Now I understand that he and I both have this mutual friend, but he calle twice while I was there...and I was only there for a total of 2hours. Im wondering why he would keep calling and inquiring if I were still there or not? WEIRD. Now he wanted our mutual friend to come down and have a few beers with another friend of all of ours, but still, he could have easily said to our friend before I got there that he'd like him to join them later instead of calling when he KNEW i would be there and know about the phone call.

 

IDK why im letting this bother me so much. I just feel like he's trying to make sure that he's still in my head...as weird as it sounds. :(

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Most likely he's torn between letting you go and focusing on his fiance, or still trying to keep you in his life. Maybe he feels he's caught in the middle. He probably doesn't know what to do, so as a result he withdraws. Kind of sucks, but it happens. I wish I had a good suggestion, but I don't. Just don't make my mistake and end up saying something you shouldn't out of frustration.

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I dont wish this situation on anyone..and at the same time, I dont regret any of the memories I have with him. It sounds really pathetic, but I really think of him when I hear that Leona Lewis song, "better in time"..among others. Its awful...trying to focus on someone else, but who knows how that'll end up. Only time will tell.. :)

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Sounds like what others basically said, he may have had feelings for you and because he got married is now distancing himself... well you seem like a very nice person and I hope this situation gets better for you!

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I'm sorry but I'm going to flag something up here which hasn't actually been said. You guys were more than friends weren't you...? Maybe you weren't in a relationship but you definitely weren't casual friends in the strictest sense of the word because the pair of you are acting like jilted lovers. You need to understand that his relationship isn't about you and the reason he kept it secret from you (because most other people in his circle were likely to know about it) is because he didn't want to hurt you. Likewise, he's trying to shut you out because he doesn't want to hurt you and he doesn't want to feel bad for hurting someone who he actually does care about. But he is respectful enough to realise that he cannot conduct a relationship AND keep you in his life, it will lead to alot of discomfort for you and it will make him feel bad. If I'm honest, I think he's being as nice about it as he can be. He could afterall be very hurtful and he isn't doing that. He's asking mutual friends about you to check that his behaviour isn't making more pain for you than is necessary. This is only my opinion but I think maybe you need to close the door on this chapter in your life. It would be less painful for you and it will enable him to move forward without feeling bad.

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This last post actually brought some tears to my eyes. :) Thank you for the thoughtful response. Nobody knew about her...there's more to that portion of it that I guess I can go into a little bit. He's indian, but isnt what one would ever call traditional at ALL. This marriage is a shock to us all..even his cousins i am friends with...she's indian as well. He has told me for years and years that he would never see himself marrying an indian girl etc..I could go on and on but I wont. I appreciate the reply, and you're probably right about the fact that he doesn't want to hurt me. Too bad I have a terrible case of a broken heart every time i think of him :(

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The most random thing happened tonight. I got a phone call from a person I went to high school with, and hadn't spoken to in years. We really arent friends even. Well this made me question the motives and why he was calling me. There were very awkward silences that I was trying to politely fill, but in the background (and in the back of my mind) I KNEW this other friend I have been writing about was on the phone. It is the most juvenille thing I have been a part of in a really long time. I cant believe that my "best friend" put this person (who is a good friend of his) up to calling me and talking to me about random things, so that he could sit and listen to the conversation. I heard my friend on the line, and he was laughing softly at some of the things I was saying. I stopped the conversation at one point, and asked who was on the phone, and the person who called just ignored that. SO I thought I was just being paranoid. WRONG...I waited a minute or so longer, and I heard him laugh again so I called him on it. I said, "who was that", and the person who called told me that he was laughing.

 

I KNOW that laugh from anywhere, I know who it was. What I'm wondering, is WTF is wrong with a 28yr old person to make them stoop to this level of having a person call me on 3way call? Is he in 5th grade again?? I am doing my best to try and move on, but he has pulled this stunt now, and the one in december. I'm at a loss for words. I think I just needed to vent. Thank you to any and all who listened to me vent :)

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  • 2 months later...
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sweetgirl99

I have an update...I got a phone call from him about a month ago. He called me at midnight on a sunday. He called from a blocked number and was prying to see where I was when I had answered. He was asking why I was out and about etc..I told him I didnt understand why I hadn't heard from him in 7months, and he didnt give the greatest reason..something lame, like he had been busy and hadnt talked to any of our friends. He asked me for my address, as well as two mutual friends so that he could send an invitation to the wedding. Funny thing is, they got their invites in the mail...I never did.. Weird.

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