Should I stick it out or move on?

[4givrnt4gtr]

So, Ive been "friends"...well more like aquaintance with a group of people for a while. Sometimes I feel like I dont quite fit in...sometimes i think its because I dont really try to spend time with them, I just come over when Im invited, otherwise I dont initiate any activities with them.

Anyhow, lately ive kinda had a change in mentality and realize that if I dont reach out to people for fear of being rejected. I ofcourse end up alone and kinda lonely.

 

So, because of that Ive made more of an effort to call them up, specially those that Im most comfortable with. Every thursday some of us get together to watch a tv show at one of the girls that im most comfortable with. Sometimes though I dont get called, so I just call to see if its happening. Two weeks ago I called my friend and she didnt answer or call me back. Once again I felt weird, like they were excluding me.

 

The next day she called me and apologized saying she didnt see the call til that morning. I felt better specially after she invited me to go out with them that nite.

 

The next week the girl could not meet up for the show, so I talked to another one of the guys and we agreed to meet up with her husband anyway. Well, unfortunately that same day I had to let this guy down gently, because he had been trying to date me so I had to tell him I was not interested. Anyway, at night i was hoping he would call me, but he didnt so I tried calling him. Nothing. Well, I went to apartment anyway and I found not only the guy and my friend's husband but also another of the guys there. My friend's husband told me that he couldnt call me bc he didnt have my number but that he was glad I was there....i dont know how i feel about that.

 

Anyway, so, tonight i was thinking we should do a secret santa thing, for fun. I emailed them about it, asking them if they thought would be a cool idea. Well, one of the emailed me back saying "way head of you, we already to this every year!!!"

 

I dont know how to feel about this. I mean sure Im just barely getting to be close to this group, but this comment made me feel like a complete outsider and I dont know how to take it or what to do

 

So, my question is...should I roll with it and continue with my brave reaching out or should I cut my loses and move on??? Does it look like they arent really trying to let me in the group or am I being too impatient?

[4givrnt4gtr]

anyone?? anyone??

[Geishawhelk]

You're too sensitive. People don't say things like this to deliberately belittle you or make you feel bad. It's just that they've been doing it for ages. You weren't to know. It may sound insensitive, but only because you're sensitive.

Call up again, and ask how you can get involved.....

[4givrnt4gtr]

Hm No i dont think im too sensitive, though I do realize he may have not meant to hurt my feelings.

 

Just the same today I wondered if they were going to do anything. Since I didnt get a call I figure they wouldnt. WHen i drove home I saw all of them walking out to the local bars....

 

Yeah, at this point its definitely not my imagination at all. I guess I just have to stop thinking im part of the group. I just feel so lonely now...you know when you think you have a group of friends? and then you realize you dont? yeah feeling quite sad and ****ty.

[Geishawhelk]

Shall I tell you how many really good freinds I have?

Not a one.

 

Shall I tell you how many mediocre, 'fair-weather' friends I have?

Not a one.

 

I have an absolutely, completely, totally zero social life.

I haven't been out for a drink, meal or coffee with friends for..... actually, I don't know how long.

 

My social life revolves around my partner.

Occasionally, - very rarely - we go out with one of his fellow students from Uni (he's a mature law student, taking a degree) but the whole evening is spent with them talking about their law studies, and I sit there, listening about this point of law, or that case, or what Lord Justice Whodjamacallit said about this legal precedent.....So now if he goes out, I stay in.

 

THIS is my social circle.

LS.

 

Do you hear me moaning about it?

Nope.

because I don't let it bother me.

I really don't.

I'm not worried, concerned, lonely, or depressed.

My time will come.

And I'm quite happy as I am.

 

Chin up.

[4givrnt4gtr]

My social life revolves around my partner.

.

 

My social life revolved around my partner too...and now that i dont have him, im alone.

 

Im glad you feel happy with the life you have. But if i learned something in this past relationship was that I cannot, and will not let my life revolve around one person. Thats because you dont know if this person is going to be there always, and when they are not, you will be completely lost and alone.

[chardonnay]

Don't feel too bad, they probably don't exclude you on purpose - and if they do, they're not people you want to hang around with anyway, right? I think you should keep doing things with them when invited, and invite them as well like you've been doing. If they really didn't want to be friends with you, they wouldn't include you at all in anything.

 

Also, don't rely on this one group. Make other friends. I used to be like you, with just one group, now I have several groups. You will meet other people and make other friends, it just takes time. Good luck!