Do not give up friends for a man EVER

[4givrnt4gtr]

I recently ended a relationship i thought would end up in marriage. Because of that i felt that it was ok, and even necessary for me to give up one of my best friends, whom during a break in my relationship ended up kissing me. He begged me not to end our friendship, that what happened was something very stupid to give up a friendship like that. I felt I had to do it since my bf felt uncomfortable with me talking to him because of what happened. Ive felt the relationship with my bf was kind of rocky and was willing to do anything, including allienating myself to make it better. Needless to say it didnt work.

I ended up breaking up with my bf...whom btw did nothing to stop me from leaving. In fact my friend fought harder for me than the supposed man i was supposed to marry did.

I told my friend what happened and now, understandably he wont talk to me. I completely understand though I know i was trying to do the right thing...but i did learn something i want to share with all of you.

 

Never EVER give up a good friend for a man. In my case i understood why my bf felt threatened, but at the same time he was also not 100% in the relationship anyway...

I made a wrong choice...but it made me think....just wanted to share.

[You'reasian]

I recently ended a relationship i thought would end up in marriage. Because of that i felt that it was ok, and even necessary for me to give up one of my best friends, whom during a break in my relationship ended up kissing me. He begged me not to end our friendship, that what happened was something very stupid to give up a friendship like that. I felt I had to do it since my bf felt uncomfortable with me talking to him because of what happened. Ive felt the relationship with my bf was kind of rocky and was willing to do anything, including allienating myself to make it better. Needless to say it didnt work.

I ended up breaking up with my bf...whom btw did nothing to stop me from leaving. In fact my friend fought harder for me than the supposed man i was supposed to marry did.

I told my friend what happened and now, understandably he wont talk to me. I completely understand though I know i was trying to do the right thing...but i did learn something i want to share with all of you.

 

Never EVER give up a good friend for a man. In my case i understood why my bf felt threatened, but at the same time he was also not 100% in the relationship anyway...

I made a wrong choice...but it made me think....just wanted to share.

 

Is there a coorelation between your boyfriend not getting 100% involved in the relationship and your attachment to this male friend whom you kissed? Maybe he sensed this.

 

Perhaps he was guarding his heart? Breaking up with him was probably the best thing you could have done for him and sadly something that left you empty hearted.

 

My sincerest apologies.

[4givrnt4gtr]

Is there a coorelation between your boyfriend not getting 100% involved in the relationship and your attachment to this male friend whom you kissed? Maybe he sensed this.

 

Perhaps he was guarding his heart? Breaking up with him was probably the best thing you could have done for him and sadly something that left you empty hearted.

 

My sincerest apologies.

 

None at all. My bf did not get 100% involve in the relationship because according to him he needed his whole family to approve before he could fall in love with me. Sure, he then changed it to "well maybe im just waiting to get to know you better"...this is after a year an a half of dating. I mean seriously, if you dont know someone by then...specially when we were together 5 out of the 7 days of the week, sleeping in each others houses, I dont know when you do.

 

In any case my friend didnt come into the picture at all until after our first break up about 10 months into our relationship (which btw was due to him bassically cheating). After almost three weeks of no contact after I had asked my ex to call me when he figured out if he wanted me or not, I assumed it was completely over. Thats why i allowed the whole kissing thing to happen, I was furious, heartbroken and lonely.

 

Finally my ex and I figured it out, or so i thought, and we got back together. I wanted a clean slate so i told him what happened. He was furious but didnt tell me not to talk to my friend. However, he once saw a text I had sent him and again he was livid because i was talking to him still. At this point i still wanted to make things work and knew that if i didnt tell my friend i had to stop talking to him i would lose my bf.

 

Well i did...I didnt blame it on my bf but said i just wasnt comfortable talking to him anymore. He begged and begged to not break our friendship...but i did anyway. I didnt want to lie to my bf or have to sneak around to talk to my friend.

 

Anyhow this was a few weeks ago. My boyfriend continued half-a$$ing everything. Too long to describe, but i got tired and frustrated. I confronted him and he said he how much he loved me, that he cared for me and felt protective of me, but maybe not enough to be in love with me. That was it for me.

 

So yeah...i lost a good friend...and I dont know if i can ever get him back.

[carhill]

I've been in this position.

 

During your break, were you "making out" with this male friend, or was he comforting you? Context is very important here. It's important where the physical affection came from.

 

My best question to you is, considering how your BF handled this situation, do you want to spend a lifetime of avoiding open platonic friendships with males simply because he exists in your life? Sounds like you're deciding that right now.

 

How long have you and your male friend been friends? Did your friendship pre-date your BF? If it did, all is not lost, but you need to take responsibility for what you did and are doing. Friends can be really forgiving of each other, as long as both can find middle ground to rebuild their friendship. Give it a shot

 

Lose the BF

[4givrnt4gtr]

I've been in this position.

 

During your break, were you "making out" with this male friend, or was he comforting you? Context is very important here. It's important where the physical affection came from.

 

My best question to you is, considering how your BF handled this situation, do you want to spend a lifetime of avoiding open platonic friendships with males simply because he exists in your life? Sounds like you're deciding that right now.

 

How long have you and your male friend been friends? Did your friendship pre-date your BF? If it did, all is not lost, but you need to take responsibility for what you did and are doing. Friends can be really forgiving of each other, as long as both can find middle ground to rebuild their friendship. Give it a shot

 

Lose the BF

 

Well my friend and I ended up making out. We were both drunk, and we had both just ended relationships.

 

I already broke it off with my bf. I couldnt take the bs anymore.

 

And yeah my friend and I have been friends for 4 years, almost 5 now. My bf and I were just together for 1.5 years.

 

I just dont know how to go about rekindling the friendship. Specially because I dont want him to think i want more than that now that my relationship is truly over. He thought for a while that I had feelings for him..which i really dont. So me insisting so much make me feel like i may end up making think things that arent true.

[carhill]

OP, you and your friend made a mistake, not a purposeful one, but one borne of emotion. You both wanted comfort and sought it out with each other. These things happen. You can save this.

 

Do something completely weird. Send him a nice card and write down in it what you've shared here. Tell him how you feel about him and how you miss his friendship. Open a dialog

[Rooster_DAR]

Never EVER give up a good friend for a man.

 

I completely agree, you should never give up your friends for anyone, friends will always be there in the end.

 

And on another note:

 

If your GF/BF do not like your friends, they are saying they don't like you because your character is part of what decided who your friends are, it's insulting if someone comes along and cannot accept your friends.

 

Cheers!

[Stockalone]

If your GF/BF do not like your friends, they are saying they don't like you because your character is part of what decided who your friends are, it's insulting if someone comes along and cannot accept your friends.

 

Cheers!

 

Platonic friends of the opposite gender are one thing, an ex or someone she kissed before is an entirely different story.

 

A platonic male friend I can live with, even though I don't like it. However, I won't accept a gf having a relationship with a male "friend" like 4givrnt4gtr described.

 

I do understand why a woman wouldn't want to give up a friend, but that won't change my position. People have different needs and sometimes, those different needs will prevent a lasting relationship. Neither side is wrong, live and let live.

[quankanne]

you should never give up your friends for anyone, friends will always be there in the end.

 

I agree. However, one should also be smart enough to discern that once you cross the line by turning a friend into a potential fook-buddy, you sacrifice the friendship. "There are people you screw and there are people you cultivate friendships with, and never the twain shall meet," is what my best guy friend told me in college – he understood that you just don't cross the line if you expect that friendship to last.

 

OP, when you say your friend won't talk to you know, you need to understand that he was hurt on two different levels: As a friend, and as a guy. And to open himself back up to a friendship with you leaves him vulnerable because you two took it to a physical level.

 

don't close the door on this friendship, but give him time to get his head straight as to what kind of relationship he wants with you. However, don't expect it to go back to the way it was before!