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did I become too picky?


4givrnt4gtr

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Lately Ive felt like my personality has changed quite a bit. I used to be very laid back, and had all types of friends, from the really nice, grounded ones to the crazy, immature, often "bitchy" ones. In fact, two of my best friends belonged to the latter group, and the third one is most definitely the first type.

 

After a tough situation where i realized i am a bit of a push over, I started not being able to deal with the latter group very well. In fact I ended up ending a 10 year long friendship because I didnt like the way this friend treated other people and often would take her friendships, including mine, for granted.

But then that sorta caused a rippled effect and now Ive noticed Im having a hard time finding good friends and losing the friends i had before.

For instance, I recently posted about a guy friend whom bassically i will end up losing because we kissed while drunk. But besides that incident, last nite i was talking to him and he was telling me/bragging about hooking up with a girl he constantly bashes on. I felt horrible for her and felt that I dont want to be around someone who does that.

Then, I have a friend at work, she is very nice and seems like she would have your back no matter what. But then, the people she hangs out with worry me and I dont feel comfortable going out with her despite her constant invites. I know she will resent the fact that I dont go out with her, but again, I just dont feel like its a good idea.

Its like I went from being a total people pleaser to a hard to please person...

I have actually thought about talking to my friend from 10 years, but I just cant seem to muster up the strenght to do so...she just...drains me.

How can i find good people to befriend? should i not be so critical?

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I went through a similar phase in my early twenties when I decided to kick my drama-queen friends to the curb. All I can say is: good friends are worth the wait.

 

Follow your instincts. You might go through a 'dry spell' friend wise, but then the friendships you will make will likely last a lifetime.

 

Establishing a good network of great friends takes time, but what happened to me is that my perspective on life changed for the better thanks to it. I am better grounded and I like myself a lot more as a result of not always having to fit somebody else's mold.

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I went through a similar phase in my early twenties when I decided to kick my drama-queen friends to the curb. All I can say is: good friends are worth the wait.

 

Follow your instincts. You might go through a 'dry spell' friend wise, but then the friendships you will make will likely last a lifetime.

 

Establishing a good network of great friends takes time, but what happened to me is that my perspective on life changed for the better thanks to it. I am better grounded and I like myself a lot more as a result of not always having to fit somebody else's mold.

 

Kamille,

 

thank you for this post; these are some wise words. I am 24, and after having "kicked" my own "friends to the curb" some years back (including a toxic girlfriend a few months ago), I find myself alone with only a select few I can trust and whom I actually WANT to talk to. But I'm on my way to college in a few weeks, and am really hoping to make some lifelong connections there. It's going to take time, as you say, and also a lot of putting myself out there. But your call to patience, and the good that comes from that, is something I needed to hear. Thanks again, Kizik

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All I can say is: good friends are worth the wait.

 

Follow your instincts. You might go through a 'dry spell' friend wise, but then the friendships you will make will likely last a lifetime.

 

Establishing a good network of great friends takes time, but what happened to me is that my perspective on life changed for the better thanks to it. I am better grounded and I like myself a lot more as a result of not always having to fit somebody else's mold.

 

This is so true. I'm early 30s, and my time and who I choose to spend it with are very important to me. Every moment counts. Being your own best friend first allows you to make those connections that last and are meaningful. If you know who YOU are, then you can better flow with those who complement you and help you grow. You know exactly who and what does or doesn't work for you.

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I have been going through the samething. It seems like I used to have all kinds of friends and now I feel like I have none. I spend my weekends watching movies...it's very sad!

 

My family does things with out me, because they are mad at me for no reason. My BIL who I was closed to moved out a month ago and he said he has people over every weekend, but I don't get an invite. My BF flakes on me all the time. My ice skating friend has been MIA for the last two months because he got married and was very busy, and still is. My other friend and I arne't getting along and I see our friendship ending soon.

 

I think it's time I reached out to people, I feel like sucha hermit. It's just that my friends don't always do things I like to do. They tend to go to bars a lot on weekend and that's not really my thing.

 

Maybe I should have a halloween party or something...but that is for a different thread.

 

So I really wanted to say I understand! I even dropped a good friend because she took up too much energy.

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Great topic...I think it's a lot to do with age and growth. I'm in my early 30's now, and I went from being really social with lots of friends and acquaintances (going out for beers and stuff) to having two close friends that I sometimes only see once a month or so, and the odd friend I run into for coffee or something. Part of it is being busy with work, recently married, but part of it is not having the time/energy to deal with draining friends.

 

I had one total drama queen friend, and I honestly could NOT stand to be around her anymore, like she started repulsing me almost because of her issues. I now have no time for crap and I am less of a people pleaser - I do what works for me and stand up for what I want. You will find that there are some great people out there, just be patient. You are NOT too picky, you are just realizing what's important to you and growing!

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