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High and Mighty friends??


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First of all, I absolutely love this forum and how everyone is so eager to help other people. Hopefully someone could shed some light on my predicament. I have been friends with this engaged couple for about 4 years now. We all work together at the same place, she (Carol) is an asst hr manager and he (Mike) an asst manager. I only work part time in conjunction with my other full time job. Initially, Carol started at the bottom and has worked her way up much to my commendation. Mike was hired as a shift manager then worked up to where he is now, pretty much by default. In most companies, the two of them should not be working together because of the nature of their relationship, it could be construed as a conflict of interest (Sensitive information that they shouldnt share, etc.) , which leads me to my problem...

 

Lately, the two of them have been riding around on their high horse. Acting self righteous and better than everyone. For example, there was an issue with replacing an employee who called out. Me, being a knowledgeable person on that work center and the availabilities of the people involved offered some insight on who could and couldn't come in. It was as if I was whispering in a KISS concert, no acknowledgment of what I said, completely disregarded everything as it was beneath her to take advice from a mere peon. She ultimately made a decision that blew up in her face, that could have been avoided if she had listened to me. My company has had some major personnel changes from the top recently and guess who are leading the butt kissing contest??? Thats right Mike and Carol. Mike, is a notorious drama and gossip queen. Constantly talking bad on other people behind their backs that either have higher or lower positions than he (Including the very same people he sucks up to) . The problem lies in that if Mike has a negative opinion of someone (right or wrong), Carol does too and vice versa. I feel that isnt fair to the person they are judging because that person will never have a fair chance. I'm not the only one is getting tired of their act. There are shift managers who have spoken to me about their high and mighty attitudes. I know I shouldn't be friends with people in the position that they are in because thats a conflict too, but I was friends with Carol before she was promoted. I dont think its right to call them out on this because I can already hear it what they would say, "Well, Im sorry, but now that im in this position, I have to act a certain way and you're just going to have to deal with it." It is funny to me that Carol acts the way she does because it is no secret that Carol's part time help does all her work, but never gets the credit.

 

I have noticed a hint of jealousy amongst the two of them in regards to me and my other friend. Him and I both have college degrees and are constantly being offered more senior managerial positions, but we turn them down due to our other more fulfilling jobs. I know that Mike and Carol do not like the rapport I have with everybody from top to bottom, I get along with almost everybody. I try to find the best in everybody, but according to Mike and Carol, that seems to be a character flaw and something is wrong with me. But, I digres...

 

We are expecting a new Sr. Manager next month and I can only imagine what will happen then. Everything has gone to their head for hard work they really havent earned and I cant take it anymore. Any suggestions or advice? I know I shouldnt stress myself out over two people at a part time job, but the butt kissing and their attitudes have just been revolting as of late. Thanks for the help.

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Why do you consider these people friends? They sound like snakes.

 

Cheers,

D.

Well, initially they were nice people. Carol was one of the best friends I had before she got promoted. I became friends with Mike through Carol obviously, because of the engagement. Now I ask myself if it is lonely up there for them on their pedestals.

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Most people try to make good first impressions, and they are generally successful. Starting with a clean slate, they put their best foot forward, and we all think everybody is great at first. This is especially so for people like you describe Carol and Mike to be.

 

Then, over time, they relax, let their guard down and show themselves for what they really are. It's not so surprising when you see this pattern repeated over and over.

 

Cheers,

D.

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Carol was one of the best friends I had before she got promoted. I became friends with Mike through Carol obviously, because of the engagement. Now I ask myself if it is lonely up there for them on their pedestals.

It's tough to get left behind, so to speak and, when we start feeling as if our friends are on their way to becoming more successful than we are allowing ourselves to be...that can breed jealousy and resentment.

 

Cos it's like Carol "abandoned" you twice, isn't it? By getting engaged and also by accepting her promotion. And, of course, you might feel displaced.

 

Is it that they have put themselves on pedestals, or that you have? I don't mean your current perception, but the deep-down truth of it. Obviously they do now have greater responsibilities to a larger number of people, and their decisions may be taking into account matters and information of which you are unaware. That doesn't mean that every one of their decisions will prove the wisest, though.

 

And yes, those in managerial positions often must conduct themselves in ways that those on lower levels of corporate hierarchy do not have to worry about. (Is it possible that what YOU are seeing as "butt kissing" is more about promoting positive workplace attitudes, collaboration, team spirit, etc.? Those at the higher levels are charged with more responsibility in these areas.)

 

I heard you say that you feel more fulfilled in your current job. But your post doesn't really support that, does it? Maybe you're putting your discontent down to Carol and Mike, but possibly it is that your mind is ready to accept the next promotion that is offered to you. It's not a sell-out, it is just one more step to the success that you want for yourself. If your other friend doesn't have career aspirations, it isn't your responsibility to limit and hold yourself back just so he won't feel lonely.

 

Wishing you much success at work and in life.

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Toeing the company line is standard practice within any management position. You can either see it as selling out or accept it within your friends. If you view it as selling out, you have the choice to retain their friendship or not. On the otherhand, it appears that you're trying to enforce your beliefs and standards on your friends. In resenting that they don't listen to your way of thinking, isn't this a control issue within yourself?

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