Friendless in College

[CGrace44]

I'm heading into my junior year of college and I still haven't found my niche. I have a boyfriend and I pretty much only hang out with his friends. I enjoy hanging out with them but I wouldn't call them "my friends." I don't really have any friends that I can just hang out with or a group of girls to have "a girl's night" with.

 

I have made some acquaintances in my classes that I have with people from my major but I don't know how to go from classroom conversation to hanging out on weekends and being able to truly call these people friends. HELP!

[Suiyobi]

Making friends in college (or anywhere for that matter) shouldn't be terribly hard... I mean, if you managed to get a boyfriend then getting "regular" friends should be an easy task. Approach people the same way just without the flirting and sexual tension, right? Open up to people (gradually, of course) and even if you'll only be able to initiate small-talk then that's okay because eventually small-talk will naturally lead to deeper and more exciting conversations, so long as you show your interest and friendliness to others.

 

I admit though I personally wouldn't have made friends in college had it not been for the classes that I've taken. Many of the computer-related classes involve programming, and as students you're kind of forced to help each other out even if no one expects you to (funny how that happens lol). Somehow the sleepless nights working together on assignments helped us build a comradarie amongst each other. Next thing we knew, we became more than just classmates... we became friends.

[CGrace44]

Thanks for the responses. I actually met my boyfriend when I was trying to make friends--not looking for a boyfriend at all. And now I find myself in a situation where he is my best friend but I feel like he is my only friend. This is because we only hang out with friends he has. (I met him as a freshman and he was a sophomore and so all of "our friends" are his age and are more so friends with him--I don't have very much in common with them.) But sometimes I feel like spending time with my boyfriend inhibits my ability to get out there and meet other people.

 

And the article had some very good advice, but it as my problem has been going on for a few years now, it is not the first time I have come across those kinds of suggestions. It's easier said than done. And its hard to put those suggestions to real life situations.

[Suiyobi]

Yeah, it is easier said than done but sooner or later you'll have to put things into practice. You said that spending time with your boyfriend inhibits your ability to meet other people, well, during the times that you're not with your boyfriend you can take that as an opportunity. And actually, you should take your own advice: Meeting people is when you're not trying to make friends. Things usually just happen naturally and you should welcome that.

 

In the end though, don't take this situation all too seriously. Again, things will just fall into place when you least expect it so as long as you show yourself to the world that you're an approachable and friendly person, people will come to you.

[Lost_In_A_Labyrinth]

That's funny I'm in the same boat actually;)

 

I've been going to college for 5 years now and have had only a few real friends, but who ended up not being such good friends. I have friends in my hometown, but have moved on from most of them for various reasons

 

I tried not to let it get me down but it is really hard.

 

And I had a girlfriend that was alot like my best friend as well. Just like you, her friends were my friends- but eventually they convinced her to break up with me, and when it happened -I had no friends to help me.

 

My latest girlfriend/bestfriend stole 60$ right out of my cupboard -wth?!-so now, I have no friends to talk to and the trust in that relationship is now definitely gone.

..

It really sucks to have to be lonely on top of the pressures of school-

 

I should probably take this advice, but I'd say branch out - take a chance and hold people to their actions- and do the same within:o

[You'reasian]

I'm heading into my junior year of college and I still haven't found my niche. I have a boyfriend and I pretty much only hang out with his friends. I enjoy hanging out with them but I wouldn't call them "my friends." I don't really have any friends that I can just hang out with or a group of girls to have "a girl's night" with.

 

I have made some acquaintances in my classes that I have with people from my major but I don't know how to go from classroom conversation to hanging out on weekends and being able to truly call these people friends. HELP!

 

Hi CGrace,

 

If you want friends first try being a friend. I don't know your personality, but if you are yourself and make yourself friendly to others, you shouldn't have problems finding friends.

 

Secondly, take up a hobby. Hobbies usually lead to friendships via shared interests. Take up something that you'd like to do.

 

Best of Luck

[trendyaznchica]

I just started medical school and am in kind of the same situation as you are. I know a bunch of people from college who are in my class, but even then, I feel really lonely. The advice that people have been giving is mostly just to open up. Force yourself to make small talk. You might think it sounds weird, trite, and even a little fake. But there's a great chance that it won't come off that way. From there, the people with whom you make small talk with will stop and say hi and talk to you and that's where friendships start. Don't worry about it too much... friendships should come naturally, but they do take a little work, be it at the beginning, the middle, or the end. Good luck!