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the friend that wants more.......but you dont


Whey2Big4u

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first question to start the thread:

 

Has anyone had that friend, that good friend, that best friend, that you can tell wanted more, but you dont see them as anything more than a friend? what did you do to handle it?

 

My story:

 

I have this friend, I met her at work about 5 years ago. We are now best friends but I see her more as a sister. She had always been there for me when **** hit the fan and to help me with school and what not, as I for her. I even helped her lose weight. and now we work at the same comapny, I helped her get the job.

 

When i was with my ex-fiance she would tell me that she didnt like my friend

 

when i was with my last GF she told me that when ever she tried to talk to me my friend would watch her like a guard dog.

 

wheni talk to her about girls i meet or wanna talk to, she goes on about me marriny them yet and what not and it gets really annoying.

 

When ever sh asks if i wanna go out with ehr and her friends, I go, but magically it winds up being her an I and on the train ride home she puts her head on my shoulder...........I get skeeved. (a throw up feeling in my stomach and a chill down my spine)

 

let me just day that although, she is really cool, she isnt the prettiest girl. I'm not shallow, but I like myslef someone attractive.

 

there was this one time she called me 28 times and text me ovver 20 times in one day. when i told her that she didnt have to do it so many times that if she waited eventrually, i would have called her back she said that I should have picked up. sometime I fell like Im in a relationship with her and I want out!!!!

 

there was a nother time i met this girl inschool and we started talking and the girl asked if i wanted to go eat lucnhc with her, my frined was with us. I asked her to come and she said no. Ok so i went to go eat lucnch witht the girl, she turned out to be nuts. Later on my friend told me how hurt she was that she cried and that i left her.......WTF!!!!???

 

she even tells me story that people told her (which I think are lies) about how friends realized they wehre right for eachother years down the road and now theyre married.......ughhhh

 

I cant go out and talk to girls withou her making me ffel bad for doing it. I hlep her find guys when we go out

 

I stopped going out with her and her firneds, casue its never fun and always winds up being just her and I

 

I consider her the Anti-Pun...for all joke purposes lol

 

I dont know what to do, .,,,,,,,what do i do?

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First of all - Hi, I'm new :o

 

I've been in slightly similar situations, and have been in the position of both you and the girl who likes you.

 

If it's been such a close friendship for such a long time and you've guided her and protected her it's not suprising that she's fallen for you. You mentioned that she's not the prettiest girl - Has she had any male attention before you? Has anyone shown interest or asked her out? If not, affection from a guy might be a new thing for her, so it might seen sorta magnified and epic.

 

She's obviously trying her hardest, so you can't just blurt out that she's a clingy annoyance, cause coming from such a good friend (and apparently the person she loves), it would really devestate her.

 

This is the way that, if I were her, I would prefer to be told: somewhere private, when you're both relaxed and chatty, make sure that you look sincere and mention that you've got a feeling she's romantically intersted in you. I wouldn't make it into a joke or laugh or anything, because it might seem like you're laughing at her. Then tell her that you think she should move on and meet other people, because you don't see a romantic future. Then say that no matter what, you'll always be there for her as you are now, and that nothing is going to change between you. It seems like she's very emotionally dependant on you, so you can't just abandon her. Say that she's your best friend and that's what you love her as, and that's why you want the best for her - you don't like to see her wasting her life.And once you've said this, make sure you ARE there for her when she needs you. Something like touching her hand or hugging her might help at this point, as she might be upset.

 

Well, that's just how I'd go about it. You can judge how she'll react and stuff, just go with what you think is right and be sincere rather than joking and making a fool out of her.

 

Sorry if it's too soppy for you - it's only my first post ;)

 

Good luck!

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long story short, we both used to be engaged to differnet people, she left her ex, and my ex left me. She gets hit ona lot and has had much attention, and I happy for her..........

 

Its me when i get an incling of attention she gives that guard dog look to them....and like i said many past girls have realized this, in fact i kind of blmae that on my past relationships for failing (not entirely her fault, just saying it was a very small small part of why)

 

Or when I have some interst she starts giving me negative reasons why not to go for them.

 

and yes it is a bit soppyy for me espeially lol. I have a hard time sharing my feeling to people. The only one who has really ever seen me cry was my ex fiance, and that was when she left me.

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i also dont know how many times I can say:

 

"thank you for being a good FRIENDS'

"youre like a big sister to me...thank you."

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When you tell her 'Thank you for being a good friend' and so on, are you being vague? Maybe you need to just tell her outright that you're not interested and that she shouldn't cling to hope that you have romantic feelings for her, instead of just implying it. You really need to get the message through to her in a way that she can't twist in her head to mean 'I love you secretly'. Just tell her without any kind of double meanings that she should move on, and that there's nothing more than friendship. And maybe introduce her to your most attractive, single male friend lol. ;)

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i also dont know how many times I can say:

 

"thank you for being a good FRIENDS'

"youre like a big sister to me...thank you."

That doesn't seem vague. At one point I asked the guy I like if he thought of me as a sister, and I he said no. That was my way of seeing if there was any sexual tension on his side. I have heard that line soooo many times and have always took it to mean that they love you, but aren't sexually attracted to you. My ex also had a friend who he considered a sister, and vice versa. I ever felt threatened by her since that sexual tension was so obviiously not there.

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When you tell her 'Thank you for being a good friend' and so on, are you being vague? Maybe you need to just tell her outright that you're not interested and that she shouldn't cling to hope that you have romantic feelings for her, instead of just implying it. You really need to get the message through to her in a way that she can't twist in her head to mean 'I love you secretly'. Just tell her without any kind of double meanings that she should move on, and that there's nothing more than friendship. And maybe introduce her to your most attractive, single male friend lol. ;)

 

 

Yes, accept, he had said "you are like a sister to me". Unless you are weird, you don't have romantic intentions with your sister. I think since she is just not getting the point (and clearly doesn't want to) he should just sit her down and tell her. I think he didn't want it to be a big confrontational, drama type thing, but she isn't getting the unsubtle hints, so... I think after he tells her, he needs to just back off the friendship for awhile.

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