seamaid Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 I'm talking about one person (male) who's your best friend, who lives in the same city. I'm especially interested to know if you're currently living with your girlfriend. I guess I have a pretty specific situation, in that my boyfriend and his best friend work together and used to be roommates together and generally have a lot to always talk about. I am, by nature, quiet. Mostly a "listener". They meet up frequently though, and even more often as of late, and it has been bugging me. Mostly because I feel less interesting to him than his friend. Like I'm always available, always the same. The situation was 180 degrees different when we were dating and not living together. I always felt that I came first to him. To get to the point, is going to dinner 3-4 times a week with your best friend something I should see as perfectly OK? I feel like the third wheel when around the two of them, but as his girlfriend I think it's the best friend who ought to be "the third wheel", as it used to be. I just got into a terrible fight with my bf about this and need to know if I am just way too insecure. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 To get to the point, is going to dinner 3-4 times a week with your best friend something I should see as perfectly OK? I feel like the third wheel when around the two of them, but as his girlfriend I think it's the best friend who ought to be "the third wheel", as it used to be. That does seem a little odd to me. I can't remember the last time I had dinner with my best friend where it was just the two of us. Most of the time if I hang out with him his fiancee will be there too (which I don't have a problem with, of course). And FWIW, I'm single and my best friend has been with his now-fiancee for close to 5 years. Link to post Share on other sites
Author seamaid Posted March 8, 2008 Author Share Posted March 8, 2008 Thanks for the quick reply, Tanbark! One of the ways I think I can stop resenting this so much is if I join them more often. I am welcome--they always extend an invitation, but because of the third wheel thing, I've 90% of the time declined. I was uncomfortable with the 2 of them finishing each other's sentences and joking in an inside way about topics (sci-fi-related) that I had little interest in... I wish so much that I could just jump in and join the fun. But I'm not a quick wit, and can never think of a joke on time. My dream is to be able to make my bf laugh the way his best friend does... Probably impossible. So I let things be (me doing my thing, him doing his) and it worked for a time, but I started to resent how often he'd go out. Which has just made me less fun to be around! hah.. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 No worries. I can see why you'd decline your bf's invitations but, IMO, you should start joining them. If I were in your bf's shoes I'd be disappointed if my gf didn't want to join myself and my friend(s). And if I were in your bf's friend's shoes, I'd think you didn't like me. Don't worry so much about needing to be as funny as the friend. I'm sure it's enough that you're simply present. Like they say, "Showing up is 80% of the game." (Or something to that effect.) Also, no offense, but it's a little lame to decline invitations but then get mad that they spend time together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author seamaid Posted March 8, 2008 Author Share Posted March 8, 2008 (edited) Also, no offense, but it's a little lame to decline invitations but then get mad that they spend time together. No offense taken. I appreciate your honesty! I grew up thinking I'd find someone for whom I was everything he needed (other than food & shelter) to be happy. My boyfriend fills that type really well--he never needed much to be satisfied. Except that I fear that he isn't totally content to be with me alone: he needs his best buddy too. Like what if we had to relocate or wanted to try living in another state/country? Would I be enough? It's like dating a twin, like I'll never be as close to him in some ways as his friend is. I just wanted to make clear: I'm not the type to shut out every friend my bf has. I'm not abusively possessive or jealous. I'm fine with them hanging out 1-2 times a week. But Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and possibly the weekend too? I don't know... Edited March 8, 2008 by seamaid more to say... Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 Married here, but usually see my male best friend a couple times a week (we're business colleagues as well, though separate businesses) and go to lunch or dinner every other week. He always enjoys my wife's company and she joins us when her business permits. We also do things together as couples (with his wife). My wife didn't mind when I'd have beers after work at my friend's business a couple times a week. She'd often join us there as well, after she was finished for the day. Disclaimer. We're old Link to post Share on other sites
Author seamaid Posted March 8, 2008 Author Share Posted March 8, 2008 Thank you for replying, Carhill. It's very good to know that it's not abnormal to go out so often with the same friend. I'm somewhat of an isolated person with few friends and experiences to draw upon, so this helps alot. Additional fact: my bf's friend is past 30 and still single. I don't think he's ever had a gf. He doesn't date. He claims he's waiting for the perfect woman. He doesn't trigger my gaydar at all, but if he had a significant other to spend some of his free time with, I'd feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 Additional fact: my bf's friend is past 30 and still single. I don't think he's ever had a gf. He doesn't date. He claims he's waiting for the perfect woman. He doesn't trigger my gaydar at all, but if he had a significant other to spend some of his free time with, I'd feel better I know this man He'll be hopefully helping us paint my mom's house this Sunday. In his case, he's 44, white collar professional, never married, neat as a tack and looking for the "perfect" woman. He's also a good friend of my friend and I sometimes join him at their house for dinner (he has a standing dinner reservation on the weekends when everyone is in town). Picky, picky, picky I'm isolated too (live and work in the country), so it's nice to venture into civilization once in awhile. My wife commutes. Friendships take effort Link to post Share on other sites
Author seamaid Posted March 8, 2008 Author Share Posted March 8, 2008 I know this man He'll be hopefully helping us paint my mom's house this Sunday. In his case, he's 44, white collar professional, never married, neat as a tack and looking for the "perfect" woman. He's also a good friend of my friend and I sometimes join him at their house for dinner (he has a standing dinner reservation on the weekends when everyone is in town). Picky, picky, picky This guy is not gay??? Just kidding. There are plenty of neat, picky, straight bachelors. I can't wait to live in the country someday. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 Absolutely straight as a ...well Yes, I've seen him in action and his dates are simply spectacular ladies Link to post Share on other sites
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