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Guy friend wants to sleep with me


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Old 24th August 2007, 5:21 PM   #1
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Unhappy Guy friend wants to sleep with me

Hey all,
It's been a while since I've posted and now I have a new problem. My best guy friend that I used to have a crush on wants to sleep with me.

A few months back I posted about how heart broken I was because a close girl friend of mine started dating a guy I liked. This guy (my guy friend) didn't feel the same way about me, and instead crushed and dated her instead of me. After getting over this (and him) I became perfectly o.k. with them dating because it seemed they were really meant for eachother.

Flash forward a few months- he rarely wants anything to do with her now to the point he rarely answers her phone calls. She didn't do anything specifically wrong, he just has struggled between her and his ex and his ex does a lot of manipulating when it comes to him. She hates my friend, therefore he pretty much hates her as well.

We used to be really close, even after the fact that he knew I wanted to be "that girl" (my friend) and he felt sorry for me. But now I just want to stay away from him because he is sending me crazy signals.

He now wants to have a 3some with my friend and I, and everytime we hang out, he always compliments me and texts me off the wall messages like how he has fanasies of him going down on me. This is totally erratic behavior comming from him because he's never been this way towards me. He really is a sweet guy.

I've shown my friend the texts and such but she dosn't mind. She knows he's wanted to try this but I've always objected. The thing is, once I've liked someone and they hurt me or don't see me as the same way, my feelings for them completely disappear. I'm starting to see his behavior as unessesary and annoying. Before all of this he was a really great friend and its starting to be a bit much.My question to you is, How do I let him know that I ONLY want to be friends without harming our friendship and hurting his feelings? He
s the type to take rejection to the heart. I just want things to be back to normal.

Thanks in advance
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Old 24th August 2007, 5:41 PM   #2
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If he really was a good friend he wouldn't be hounding you for a 3some. I think he wants to push you into this because he knew you liked him. I would tell the guy to leave you alone and back wayyy away from him.
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Old 26th August 2007, 3:17 PM   #3
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I understand where you're comming from, but aside from all this I would really be loosing a great friend. I just don't seem to get where all of this came from? It kind of makes me want to believe that guys and girls just can't be friends.
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Old 26th August 2007, 4:11 PM   #4
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Just tell him the truth: you're flattered but not interested. Tell him that you want things back the way they were but you're afraid that you will lose your respect for him as a friend if he keeps pestering you like this. If he really cares about your friendship then he'll understand.

Good luck
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Old 26th August 2007, 4:36 PM   #5
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This Is

I just want things to be back to normal.
THIS IS JUST RUDE, CRUDE AND IGNORANT. AM I INTERESTED IN BEING SEXUAL WITH GF? OF COURSE, CAN THAT WAIT UNTIL OTHER FORMS OF ATTRACTION AND INTAMCY ARE FORMED? OF COURSE. AS FOR A 'LIST' REGARDING SEX, NO LIST, NO 3SOMES, NO PREPLANS, NO PORN, JUST THE THINGS WE KNOW COME NATURAL AND WE ENJOY AND THAT IS DONE WHEN TRUST AND HAPPINESS ARE IN PLACE
THIS IS IMPORTANT


Thanks in advance[/quote]
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Old 29th August 2007, 2:20 AM   #6
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hi.
my advice is to not get involved with him. first of all he's crossing a major boundary. since you're not comfortable with these propositions, but clearly are interested in maintaining the friendship, you owe it to yourself to say, hey, i like you as a friend, that's it. this makes me uncomfortable, i am flattered, but i feel, i think and i want _______. secondly, he sounds like a mess when it comes to romantic relationships and it's probably a good thing he didn't take an interest to you several months ago. nobody should get into a new relationship if they can't keep their exes in check. from what you've described, he can't think for himself, establish and maintain boundaries, so he sounds like a big sack of drama and by drama i mean toxins (at least where he is in his life right now). being sweet doesn't necessarily mean responsible or the best of intentions, and if he really is a good friend then he will respect your boundaries.

so my advice, you just have to be tactful but direct/honest about it. he might get his feelings hurt no matter how nicely you put it. but he'll recover if he values your friendship more than a night of fun. sounds like you have your head on your shoulders.

good luck!

Quote:
Originally Posted by big_girls_rock View Post
Hey all,
It's been a while since I've posted and now I have a new problem. My best guy friend that I used to have a crush on wants to sleep with me.

A few months back I posted about how heart broken I was because a close girl friend of mine started dating a guy I liked. This guy (my guy friend) didn't feel the same way about me, and instead crushed and dated her instead of me. After getting over this (and him) I became perfectly o.k. with them dating because it seemed they were really meant for eachother.

Flash forward a few months- he rarely wants anything to do with her now to the point he rarely answers her phone calls. She didn't do anything specifically wrong, he just has struggled between her and his ex and his ex does a lot of manipulating when it comes to him. She hates my friend, therefore he pretty much hates her as well.

We used to be really close, even after the fact that he knew I wanted to be "that girl" (my friend) and he felt sorry for me. But now I just want to stay away from him because he is sending me crazy signals.

He now wants to have a 3some with my friend and I, and everytime we hang out, he always compliments me and texts me off the wall messages like how he has fanasies of him going down on me. This is totally erratic behavior comming from him because he's never been this way towards me. He really is a sweet guy.

I've shown my friend the texts and such but she dosn't mind. She knows he's wanted to try this but I've always objected. The thing is, once I've liked someone and they hurt me or don't see me as the same way, my feelings for them completely disappear. I'm starting to see his behavior as unessesary and annoying. Before all of this he was a really great friend and its starting to be a bit much.My question to you is, How do I let him know that I ONLY want to be friends without harming our friendship and hurting his feelings? He
s the type to take rejection to the heart. I just want things to be back to normal.

Thanks in advance

Last edited by wreckedhorse; 29th August 2007 at 2:32 AM..
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