Finding True Friends

[kali420]

I'm 26. Recently, I have been wondering who are my friends and who are my acquaintences. Throughout college, I made a few friends. I still have contact with them. But, they have all moved away. Then I made my friends through work. I considered them the closes friends I have made since I have moved. I was off and on at this job. I always hung out with them. I started getting closer to them the second and last time I went back to this job. I later quit because of this next paragrah.

 

I dated an older woman at this job. She hooked up with a co-worker there. I didn't consider him a friend or anything. She occasionally hangs out with my friends. Everyone knew that I took it hard. I was heart broken...and realized these friends didn't really care. They cared for five minutes.

 

Anyways, I was so confused. These friends I considered close to me, didn't give a hoot. My thoughts were everywhere. I didn't know who were my true friends. I mean I guess my best friends are always my true friends. Friends from back home who helped me through this...But, it kinda hurt to know these people I have been hanging out with didn't give a damn.

 

I felt like I was replaced by the guy my EX was going out with. I feel lately that I have been kicked out of this circle of friends. No one calls me to hang out like they used to. I am thinking my EX is talking major smack about me that they think of me differently. Or, that they think I'm unstable because I couldn't get over my EX.

 

I do feel lonely...I feel like I don't have any friends anymore. I have my family and I am thankful for that. Family is all that matters...It just hurts to think that I had a false image about the people I thought I knew.

[Tony T]

People you are "friends" with at work are most often situational friends. They are your "friends" because they see you daily for eight hours. Work is often the only thing there is in common with them. They'll be very nice to you because they are forced into that situation for the period of time that work lasts. When they go home, other friendships kick in.

 

Be nice to the people at work and you may be lucky to make a friend or two that will last past your work experience. However, good friendships are hard to come by and you should make them with people who aren't forced to be in your proximity but who are there because they like you and want to be around you on their own time.

 

You also need to learn the difference between people who are around you because they sincerely like you and people who are around you because it's in their best interest and you can be of service to them in some way now or in the future.

[uniqueone]

People you are "friends" with at work are most often situational friends. They are your "friends" because they see you daily for eight hours. Work is often the only thing there is in common with them. They'll be very nice to you because they are forced into that situation for the period of time that work lasts. When they go home, other friendships kick in.

 

Be nice to the people at work and you may be lucky to make a friend or two that will last past your work experience. However, good friendships are hard to come by and you should make them with people who aren't forced to be in your proximity but who are there because they like you and want to be around you on their own time.

 

You also need to learn the difference between people who are around you because they sincerely like you and people who are around you because it's in their best interest and you can be of service to them in some way now or in the future.

 

So true. People you think are friends at work--it's amazing how soon they're no longer friends once you're not working there anymore. I had this friend that was a manager of a dept. where we worked. He told me how all the women in his dept. loved me. I didn't get that impression. They seemed friendly but cool towards me....you know....in that judgemental way that women are good at being towards each other.

I told him that of course they're going to act like they love me towards him---he's their boss and I'm his friend! It doesn't take much to figure that out!

 

Now, he and I were still friends before working together so that friendship didn't end. That makes a difference.

 

But work friendships....especially with women.....well.....remember grade school?

[McFadden]

I don't think its a work friends or not work friends issue, I think it is just a crappy friends issue. The same thing happened to me, I have been neatly removed from my old social circle, that I had been friends with for years, and my ex's new girlfriend has been pasted in. I guess when two people in a relationship are in the same circle of friends and they break up the friends will stay with whichever one was more 'important' to the circle, and the other one's screwed and no one cares about them anymore. Its never good to have all your friends in one circle and I would go as far as to say dating someone who is friends with a lot of your friends should be avoided.

[Trialbyfire]

People you are "friends" with at work are most often situational friends. They are your "friends" because they see you daily for eight hours. Work is often the only thing there is in common with them. They'll be very nice to you because they are forced into that situation for the period of time that work lasts. When they go home, other friendships kick in.

 

Be nice to the people at work and you may be lucky to make a friend or two that will last past your work experience. However, good friendships are hard to come by and you should make them with people who aren't forced to be in your proximity but who are there because they like you and want to be around you on their own time.

 

You also need to learn the difference between people who are around you because they sincerely like you and people who are around you because it's in their best interest and you can be of service to them in some way now or in the future.

This is it, to a "T". Also, there's a competitive edge and a mutual user benefit, associated to work friendships.

 

If you find someone you are able to relate to in and out of work, where the two of you share mutual interests and have mutual respect/liking, hang on to that person.

 

I have work-related associations with people where over the years, I've managed to find the odd person here and there for real friendships. Beyond that, the rest are good company and mutually helpful, from a networking perspective.

[monkey00]

You also need to learn the difference between people who are around you because they sincerely like you and people who are around you because it's in their best interest and you can be of service to them in some way now or in the future.

 

This is very important to differentiate. Not that there is anything bad with either of the 2 as long as you feel the same way.

 

But let me add that co-worker relationships can be very distorted because it's very easy to blur the lines. A lot of times people behave the way they do with co-workers because it is in everyone's best interest to get along on a certain level to get work done collectively.

[kali420]

[i have work-related associations with people where over the years, I've managed to find the odd person here and there for real friendships. Beyond that, the rest are good company and mutually helpful, from a networking perspective.

 

Thats what these friends of mine were...They were good company. It gets harder to find true friends as we get older it seems. I have come to realize that my family is the most important to me. I took them for granted all this time. I read this quote that goes, "Love the ones who treat you right; forget about those who don't".

[Great Gazoo]

 

Thats what these friends of mine were...They were good company. It gets harder to find true friends as we get older it seems. I have come to realize that my family is the most important to me. I took them for granted all this time. I read this quote that goes, "Love the ones who treat you right; forget about those who don't".

 

I agree that true friends are hard to find and even harder to keep. There are so many things in life that distract us from what should be most important, the people we love. I always thought a true friend was like chosen family but to find that kind of friendship is very rare because most people when push comes to shove will think of themselves first and foremost before others. It is basic survival instinct. If you have good family they will always be there for you.

 

I find it hard if you are not close to family because it leaves you searching for that security that family gives. It leaves you looking for friendships to replace that sense of belonging and most times you will set yourself up for a disappointment because no matter what friends can't replace family. The only thing that I think helps is to rely on yourself and be comfortable in your own skin, be your own best friend.

 

I think it is a sad comment to have to rely on ourselves when we are a social being but it is the truth. I think it is one of the reasons there are so more cases of depression. With our busy lives and ideas of success in our heads we end up isolating ourselves thinking it is for the better. It's just a thought.