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2 friends, 2 problems


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Well I'll start off by saying I'm pretty stressed at the moment. I have just stayed up until 4:30am trying to get homework done for school, and i will have to be up at 7:00am... yeah, fun! Lol.

 

My first problem is with my oldest and best friend. He an i grew up together, and I always knew i could count on him, for anything. A year and a half ago he got into a very serious relationship (well as serious as 17/18 year olds can be), and most of the time thats been fine, but every now and then it seems like he doesn't understand what I'm saying anymore. I mean like whenever i went to him for help, he seemed to have a very similar opinion, on everything, but recently that has changed. I actually woke up one night hearing him cheat on his girlfriend. I never told anyone, because he didn't want me to and I really couldn't decide what was best to do.

 

The problem I am having with my good old buddy is that for 2 years we had planned to go to the snow together, because when we went to the snow for school camp 2 years ago we absolutely loved it! So when I went to lunch with all my mates and heard him talking about going with another friend I felt hurt. To be honest this is typical of him, but i really didn't expect it. A few days after I heard this i said to him "So you're going to the snow with (Other mate)?" and he gave me "..Maybe, I might see if I can get some accommodation and maybe drive there myself." For starters he doesn't have his driver's license yet and the holidays are in 4 weeks, he isn't very organized and I don't see him getting his license in time to do that.

 

What I'm asking is does anyone think this is a big deal? Should I just let it slide, or confront him and say "yeah that really annoyed me"? I, myself, wouldn't normally make such a big thing out of it but recently I have had a drought of friends, and thought I could count on the snow trip with my bestie.

 

My second problem concerns a girl. I feel like I'm receiving mixed signals from her and i don't know hot to read this situation. She went to primary school with me and then went to a different high school. I had a bit of a thing for her back then, and when I met her again this year, she was really hot! and I started to feel like i hadn't felt in ages. Last year I had my heart broken so I was even more reserved and insecure than usual.

 

She had a boyfriend when we met this year and they broke up, I really wanted to see if I had a chance but never got the courage to ask her number or anything. Next time I saw her they were back together but they broke up not long after. She only lives up the road and we sometimes catch the same bus so we were walking home and she asked if I had Myspace/MSN and so when I got home i added her on there and we started talking.

 

After a few conversations that were full of flirting, I sent one of those nifty emoticons and said "I love that little fella" and she replied "I love you" and then she said "Not really, just joking.... But I want you though." I told her i wanted her too and so we started to organize a date. We went and saw a movie, I am very shy and was never going to make a first move. As we sat there she rested her head on my shoulder and I put my arm around her. After we had gone home, me to my home she to hers, we started to SMS each other and she said how good tonight was and that we should hangout more often, of course I agreed. Her grandpa got very sick and was dying, so she was fairly upset for a week, and each day I'd ask what i could do to help and she would always say come give me a hug. One night we were Texting and it was late, she was in bed, and she said "come give me a hug" and I said that I didn't want to keep her awake, and to that she said "you could come sleep with me, and then I could just sleep" but she said she couldnt get me into her house so I just told her to sleep tight and I'll take to her later.

 

My friend had his 18th so I invited her, and the night before I said to her "I want you but I dont know what you want" and she said "you want me?" I was thinking, "Are you serious?", I said "Yeah i already told you that and i though you wanted me too, i must have read too much into something, or taken something the wrong way." She explained how she hadn't even thought about any guys that way since she broke up with her boyfriend which I thought was understandable, but I felt the way she was acting told me otherwise.

 

So what is your opinion people? did I read too much into it? or get confused somewhere? Up until now this kinda behavior from a girl, for me, hasn't came from "just friends". Whoah this post is big, Sorry for such a long post and I thank anyone who can help me.

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What I'm asking is does anyone think this is a big deal? Should I just let it slide, or confront him and say "yeah that really annoyed me"? I, myself, wouldn't normally make such a big thing out of it but recently I have had a drought of friends, and thought I could count on the snow trip with my bestie.

 

If he's your best friend, I don't see why you can't talk to him about this. I'm not sure it needs to be a confrontation necessarily - just tell him you'd also like to go and see if that will work. But if you really do resent that he planned this other trip even though you and he had been talking about it for a while, ask him why he hadn't thought to include you in the first place.

 

It could be that you two are growing apart - that can happen. The whole cheating thing is a sign that you two don't see eye to eye on how to treat people, so keep in mind he might be becoming a person you aren't going to get along with in the future.

 

So what is your opinion people? did I read too much into it? or get confused somewhere? Up until now this kinda behavior from a girl, for me, hasn't came from "just friends". Whoah this post is big, Sorry for such a long post and I thank anyone who can help me.

 

I'm sorry, but there was nothing I read here that sounded like mixed signals coming from her, certainly nothing that should have caused you to say to her that you thought you might have misread something. Did you leave something out?

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Thanks heaps for your reply Nora

If he's your best friend, I don't see why you can't talk to him about this. I'm not sure it needs to be a confrontation necessarily - just tell him you'd also like to go and see if that will work. But if you really do resent that he planned this other trip even though you and he had been talking about it for a while, ask him why he hadn't thought to include you in the first place.

 

It could be that you two are growing apart - that can happen. The whole cheating thing is a sign that you two don't see eye to eye on how to treat people, so keep in mind he might be becoming a person you aren't going to get along with in the future.

Thanks, I had never actually thought about it that way. About going with him and the other friend, it really isnt up to him because they are going with family and are staying in a "time-share"like cabin.

 

I'm sorry, but there was nothing I read here that sounded like mixed signals coming from her, certainly nothing that should have caused you to say to her that you thought you might have misread something. Did you leave something out?

for me it was the "i want you though" and the fact that lots of the things she said/did i had never experienced with some-one who was just a friend.

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Thanks, I had never actually thought about it that way. About going with him and the other friend, it really isnt up to him because they are going with family and are staying in a "time-share"like cabin.

 

That probably explains why he planned the trip without you - he will get to stay for free in his family's time share. He's thinking of himself.

 

 

for me it was the "i want you though" and the fact that lots of the things she said/did i had never experienced with some-one who was just a friend.

 

I think you misunderstood what I meant. By my read of everything you wrote, she's definitely interested in more than friendship. I didn't read anything that would indicate otherwise. I'm not sure why you think she might not be interested in more than friendship.

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Oh sorry NJ, see there I go again mis-reading, lol! the fact that you think she is interested makes me feel so much less like an idiot. 2 of my friends have agreed with me, but i thought that was just because they r my friends.

 

My friend had his 18th so I invited her, and the night before I said to her "I want you but I dont know what you want" and she said "you want me?" I was thinking, "Are you serious?", I said "Yeah i already told you that and i though you wanted me too, i must have read too much into something, or taken something the wrong way." She explained how she hadn't even thought about any guys that way since she broke up with her boyfriend which I thought was understandable, but I felt the way she was acting told me otherwise.

She said to me, we are just good friends.

I was thinking about it today and I forgot to mention what happened at my friends 18th. It was in a night club and the bartender was serving me alcohol as long as i didnt get stupid or anything, but a bouncer came up to check on things and I got caught with a drink, so I was kicked out at 10:30:confused:

The girl was supposed to get a lift home with me, but she wanted to stay out longer so she organised alternate transport and while i was at home upset because i was missing friends 18th, she kissed like 5 guys. She barely seems to want to talk to me now, and the other night on IM i just asked what she was doing and she said she was crying, i asked her what was wrong... no reply so i asked if she was ok..... "mmm". and she wouldnt say anything to me about it.

Also i left some clothes at her house and now she wont give them back, lol, and i dont know what is up with that either.???

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Sounds like she's a little loopy right now, though I couldn't say why - could be the boyfriend break-up and she is testing her flirting wings.

 

Take a step back and don't contact her for a little while. Wait til she gets in touch with you.

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I have taken a step back but its mostly involuntary as she doesn't seem to want to talk to me, dont know what i did wrong.:(

 

 

i guess she better contact me cos i want my jumper back! lol

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Ok, heres a bit of an update.

The girl is a real piece of work, I've never met anyone like her. The other night I went to a party and she was there, I was with one friend sitting there and she decided to exclusively talk to him and barely acknowledge me. My friend and i went on to the dance floor and he tells me she grabbed his arse!! gosh I'm so confused... I guess it doesnt help that there is no other interests going for me.:(

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