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burning 4 revenge

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burning 4 revenge

So, after my last relationship ended horribly I started spedning a lot of time online. It was something I wasn't used. I'm a late bloomer in that sense I suppose. Over the course of several months I made many good friends, but I've become close to two in particular. I would talk to them on the telephone from time to time and on IM almost every day, or every several days.

 

I think I got a little close, or I should say maybe I feel closer to them than vice versa. They're both women and that doesn't help things. I do think, however, that to help me move past my previous relationship and to put some of my current problems in perspective that I needed female friends in particular. I was becoming a full-fledged misogynist and I was feeling a lot of self hatred and they've minimized these bad aspects of my character.

 

Well to make a long story short what one may expect to happen happened in that I have feelings that I shouldn't. One is out of the question. The other should be because of her age (shes a little more than a decade younger), but I think I didn't put up the proper psychological barrier becasue she is single. She's still hopelessly in love with her ex bf, but as they weren't together ,maybe I let my friendship with her fill an emotional void more than I should have.

 

Lately I could sense she wasn't as talkative and seemed to be kind of distant. I made a big mistake in expressing my feelings for her and when the romantic aspect of those feelings wasn't reciprocated I called her a terrible name. She was hurt I think and stopped talking to me for a couple of days and then started communicating again briefly, only to ignore me all together now. I don't think her ignoring me has to do with what I called her, because she said she didn't deserve it, but understandood that I didn't mean it and was acting emotionally. I think shes ignoring me for saying how I felt about her. You have to understand that this isn't like me and makes me feel like the biggest loser in the world. I realize her being 20 makes her totally inappropriate and I well know that young people have a right to be with other young people.

 

What I don't understand is why after talking to me so much over so long a time, just blow me off? I've asked her to just tell me why. At least for the sake of some closure. I just find it really disrespectful. I would blame it on women, but I think this is more a matter of youth than gender.

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it not a good idea to be just "friends" with females. it usually ends like this. you need to find a lover who can turn into a friend also.

 

and why are you concerned what a 20 year old girl (yes, GIRL) thinks? she doesn even know her head from her ass yet.

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So, after my last relationship ended horribly I started spedning a lot of time online. It was something I wasn't used. I'm a late bloomer in that sense I suppose. Over the course of several months I made many good friends, but I've become close to two in particular. I would talk to them on the telephone from time to time and on IM almost every day, or every several days.

 

I think I got a little close, or I should say maybe I feel closer to them than vice versa. They're both women and that doesn't help things. I do think, however, that to help me move past my previous relationship and to put some of my current problems in perspective that I needed female friends in particular. I was becoming a full-fledged misogynist and I was feeling a lot of self hatred and they've minimized these bad aspects of my character.

 

Well to make a long story short what one may expect to happen happened in that I have feelings that I shouldn't. One is out of the question. The other should be because of her age (shes a little more than a decade younger), but I think I didn't put up the proper psychological barrier becasue she is single. She's still hopelessly in love with her ex bf, but as they weren't together ,maybe I let my friendship with her fill an emotional void more than I should have.

 

Lately I could sense she wasn't as talkative and seemed to be kind of distant. I made a big mistake in expressing my feelings for her and when the romantic aspect of those feelings wasn't reciprocated I called her a terrible name. She was hurt I think and stopped talking to me for a couple of days and then started communicating again briefly, only to ignore me all together now. I don't think her ignoring me has to do with what I called her, because she said she didn't deserve it, but understandood that I didn't mean it and was acting emotionally. I think shes ignoring me for saying how I felt about her. You have to understand that this isn't like me and makes me feel like the biggest loser in the world. I realize her being 20 makes her totally inappropriate and I well know that young people have a right to be with other young people.

 

What I don't understand is why after talking to me so much over so long a time, just blow me off? I've asked her to just tell me why. At least for the sake of some closure. I just find it really disrespectful. I would blame it on women, but I think this is more a matter of youth than gender.

 

So why is the other one "out of the question?" Aren't they both really equally out of reach when all is said and done? Why not open up emotionally to the other one?

 

Then she can dump your ass too and you'll be done with the whole mess!:laugh:

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bluetuesday
What I don't understand is why after talking to me so much over so long a time, just blow me off? I've asked her to just tell me why. At least for the sake of some closure. I just find it really disrespectful. I would blame it on women, but I think this is more a matter of youth than gender.

 

maybe she doesn't know why. she's 20 and being 20 doesn't come with a lot of experience and ability to rationalise, IME. you want the maturity of a 32-year-old? then ask one.

 

my guess would be that she didn't realise how you felt, was freaked out by your admission and didn't know how to handle it. she probably has not meant to be rude, but she suddenly finds herself in over her head with being asked to deal with, or at least consider, your feelings. she has probably not seen you in 'that way' and you've thrown her. some people, especially inexperienced ones, handle things by attempting not to handle them. it's the ostrich mentality. next time, pick a smarter bird. :)

 

a great friend of mine once announced his feelings for me (or at least his desire to sleep with me) by getting his willy out in my car. :confused: i was confused for a few days too, and while i was able to talk to him about it to make sure he was okay and not embarrassed/hating himself, the fact one of us had expressed feelings the other didn't share did slowly kill the genuine closeness and fun we'd shared as bezzy mates. time may help the girl in your case tell you how she is feeling, but my experience is that feelings cannot be ignored once they are voiced, and an imbalance of feelings never ends well.

 

what's of more interest to me is why you feel you've got/had feelings for someone you don't really know. THAT is what stands out for me as being odd, not her reaction. i do know, i have been there with the whole internet thing, but coming out the other side you see that what you thought you felt wasn't real, and expressing it burst a bubble of adventure and closeness and unreality that could never be recaptured.

 

my old dad says that you never know people until you see them under pressure. you put this girl under pressure and her reaction WASN'T to make sure you were okay. now you know. that should be closure enough.

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burning 4 revenge

Thanks for your answers. They were all good except for Touche's

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Great post, Blue except for a couple of points of disagreement:

 

As far as the feelings not being real. I disagree. The feelings are real but they're not based in reality. You can feel like you miss the person. You can feel excitement, friendship, lust and even love. But again those feelings are not based in reality. Because you're right. You can't really know a person this way. Not in any real kind of sense. So you end up having these real feelings for a fantasy person. We fill in the parts that we don't really know about. And we make up our minds that that is who the person is...even if it's not true.

 

One could also argue though that the feelings involved in these online friendships are even more real than that in real life dating situations. All the external, superficial things are removed on line. You can get down to real communication and get to know someone in a very deep way.

 

And that can happen rather fast as opposed to a dating situation where it could take weeks or months to get to that point of intimacy.

 

I also disagree that this is odd behavior...I mean having feelings for someone you don't really know. It's an enticing thing...this fantasy of a person. Someone who is partly real but mostly made to order thanks to our imaginations. Sometimes, for some, it's more fun than their reality.

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Thanks for your answers. They were all good except for Touche's

 

Thanks, B4R...I never liked being like everyone else. Thanks for singling me out that way.

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Storyrider

Maybe she isn't really ignoring you but is busy dealing with her own sh*t.

 

Doesn't help stop the ignoring, but it might explain it. Sucks that we can't control other people's behavior, but we can't.

 

It is true that you can't know someone online as you would know them in real life. But you are getting into their head, perhaps more deeply in a certain way, because of the writing. People used to court through letters all the time. Maybe it didn't lead to happy unions, though. I don't know... I'm tempted to say it is not fake, just different.

 

But, yeah, it won't tell you what they are like to live with, which is pretty important. And they can control and filter what they reveal.

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burning 4 revenge

No, the real issue is what Blue said. I could feel the change once I said how I felt and I know it means we won't be friends which is for the best, because it's insane to develop an infatuation online. Still the irrational side of me is going to miss her. And I guess I'm just finding my closure for it here since it couldnt be done privately.

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No, the real issue is what Blue said. I could feel the change once I said how I felt and I know it means we won't be friends which is for the best, because it's insane to develop an infatuation online. Still the irrational side of me is going to miss her. And I guess I'm just finding my closure for it here since it couldnt be done privately.

 

Are you calling me insane?

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No, the real issue is what Blue said. I could feel the change once I said how I felt and I know it means we won't be friends which is for the best, because it's insane to develop an infatuation online. Still the irrational side of me is going to miss her. And I guess I'm just finding my closure for it here since it couldnt be done privately.

I agree b4R that you should not have an infatuation for a fellow LSer, especially one who is married an a lot older than you. Its not a good idea and could only lead to bad thing.

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I wouldn't expect an explanation from the young one. I don't really think age has a lot to do with it. She has the same emotions as anyone else. And that's why I don't think an explanation should be necessary. Her reasons for drifting away are the same reasons anyone would. It just happens.

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burning 4 revenge
I wouldn't expect an explanation from the young one. I don't really think age has a lot to do with it. She has the same emotions as anyone else. And that's why I don't think an explanation should be necessary. Her reasons for drifting away are the same reasons anyone would. It just happens.
It just happens isn't an explanation. You say one isn't necessary and you're right there. I have no right to demand an explanation.

 

But on second thought I take it back. She was my good friend. Good friends don't ignore the feelings of each other and then tell someone else that it just happens. This wasn't about lust, I felt close to this person, like family. She could have had more respect.

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burning 4 revenge

Well she wrote me and I totally got the wrong idea. She's just been going through a lot and hasnt had much opportunity to write me.

 

I'm a total knob.

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ruby_gloom
Maybe she isn't really ignoring you but is busy dealing with her own sh*t.

 

Nailed. No wonder I love you. :love:

 

Anyway, you are a silly man, you know.

 

*pokes*

 

Silly, silly, francis. :)

 

Getting all wound up over nothing.

 

You're a sweetheart. :)

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I agree b4R that you should not have an infatuation for a fellow LSer, especially one who is married an a lot older than you. Its not a good idea and could only lead to bad thing.

 

Uhm, hello? Have you not been paying attention to this soap opera? His infatuation is with the younger single one..not the older married one. It's the older, married one who is infatuated with HIM.

 

Got it now?

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Nailed. No wonder I love you. :love:

 

Anyway, you are a silly man, you know.

 

*pokes*

 

Silly, silly, francis. :)

 

Getting all wound up over nothing.

 

You're a sweetheart. :)

 

Don't be mad at me, Ruby but I ain't buyin' it. I think you were angry with him, and justifiably so, but you've gotten over it now...been there, done that.

 

It's hard to stay mad at him for some weird reason.

 

(P.S. Glad you're speaking to each other again.)

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Storyrider

Nailed. No wonder I love you. :love:

 

:love: :love: :love: Yea! I'm glad you two are feeling better. Maybe there is hope for the rest of us...

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melodymatters

Wow, this thread should be required reading in the class " Reading Between the Lines 101 " !!!!!

 

:p :p :p

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Wow, this thread should be required reading in the class " Reading Between the Lines 101 " !!!!!

 

:p :p :p

 

Oh please, like anything is really a secret between LS regulars!

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Storyrider

Your penetration knows no bounds. That is why you are the riddler.

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Your penetration knows no bounds. That is why you are the riddler.

 

Yes ma'am, you said it.:cool:

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