best friends boyfriend

[zoe1983]

I don't have many friends and my best friend lives about an hour away. We have known each other since we were little kids and are now both 23.

 

So on friday she comes down with her new boyfriend to see me. She wanted me and my bf to meet her new bf. She is a really independant girl and has never really been serious about a guy before. She has defintly never cared about any guy enough to bring him to meet me so i know its serious. So whats the problem.......well i really really don't like her bf!!!!

 

He seemed kinda shy when he first got here but seemed like a cool enough guy. We went out to dinner and then planned on drinking and going out to a bar or club. He kept telling all these stories about times he got wasted and drank alot and stuff. Well then we start drinking and he barely drinks anything. I mean i didnt really care but he had just given the impression that he drinks all the time and i felt bad about him being sober with a bunch of drunk people cuz i know thats irritating.

 

Anyways his gf (my best friend) got really really drunk and was acting like a normal stupid drunk person. This morning when they wake up she is extremly hung over and he kept treating her like she was dying or something. Then we are sitting around talking and he starts saying all this mean stuff about her and she is sitting right next to her!

 

he was saying how she was so dumb and stupid last night and how she acted like a rock and he would rather have a rock then her cuz it would be more useful. He even said that he reaally just wanted to leave her on the floor in the bathroom to pass out cuz she kept waking him up to help her throwup and stuff. He even said (half-jokingly) that he should have just bought a big rubbermaid tote and left her in the closet to puke and sit in her own filth! Then I offered her some gatorade and he is like...oh no she is only allowed to drink water and maybe eat some crackers later. He was acting like he was her dad and she was some stupid kid or something.

 

Then they are getting ready to leave and she is trying to carry some of their bags and he grabbed it and she started to say something about carrying it and he told her "just shut up and open the doors thats all you can do".

 

I know the night probably wasnt fun for him and nobody wants to deal with a sick drunk when they are trying to sleep but i just feel like he was being a total jerk. It wasnt even like he was mad at her...he just kept acting like everything he was saying was funny.

 

Now Im afraid that he will try to get her to stop being friends with me or something. Also I dont know what to tell her if she asks what i thought about her boyfriend. I mean i dont think i would tell her that i think he is a jerk but still i feel weird lying and telling her he is great!

 

What should i do???? p.s. sorry this turned out so long but thank you for your help guys!!!

[amaysngrace]

First off do you know if she drinks like that regularly? Because that could mean a lot.

 

He sounds disrespectful of your best friend. Nobody should speak to their loved one like that in front of others...it's just rude. Matters like that should be handled privately where they can work on problems, one on one. But he sounds like he resents the way she was acting.

 

Was he the designated driver or something? They may have made arrangements prior to dinner that she could celebrate being with you and he would go easy for her. If they had an agreement or something then that was nice of him. Maybe she agreed not to act stupid or be rude to him. Maybe she did something wrong you don't know about.

 

I think it's best if you don't give your opinion of him to her. Just yet. You don't know all the details of their relationship. Get to know him before forming a solid opinion of the guy.

 

When she asks if you liked him, you can just say you barely know him. And let her talk about him.

 

If he makes her happy, then as a friend you should be happy for her. But only time will tell what he's about. And as far as he goes, let it go. Don't be a rain cloud on your friends relationship by making a quick judgment of the guy. Sometimes I can be in a bad mood, how about you?

[alextop30]

I don't have many friends and my best friend lives about an hour away. We have known each other since we were little kids and are now both 23.

 

So on friday she comes down with her new boyfriend to see me. She wanted me and my bf to meet her new bf. She is a really independant girl and has never really been serious about a guy before. She has defintly never cared about any guy enough to bring him to meet me so i know its serious. So whats the problem.......well i really really don't like her bf!!!!

 

He seemed kinda shy when he first got here but seemed like a cool enough guy. We went out to dinner and then planned on drinking and going out to a bar or club. He kept telling all these stories about times he got wasted and drank alot and stuff. Well then we start drinking and he barely drinks anything. I mean i didnt really care but he had just given the impression that he drinks all the time and i felt bad about him being sober with a bunch of drunk people cuz i know thats irritating.

 

Anyways his gf (my best friend) got really really drunk and was acting like a normal stupid drunk person. This morning when they wake up she is extremly hung over and he kept treating her like she was dying or something. Then we are sitting around talking and he starts saying all this mean stuff about her and she is sitting right next to her!

 

he was saying how she was so dumb and stupid last night and how she acted like a rock and he would rather have a rock then her cuz it would be more useful. He even said that he reaally just wanted to leave her on the floor in the bathroom to pass out cuz she kept waking him up to help her throwup and stuff. He even said (half-jokingly) that he should have just bought a big rubbermaid tote and left her in the closet to puke and sit in her own filth! Then I offered her some gatorade and he is like...oh no she is only allowed to drink water and maybe eat some crackers later. He was acting like he was her dad and she was some stupid kid or something.

 

Then they are getting ready to leave and she is trying to carry some of their bags and he grabbed it and she started to say something about carrying it and he told her "just shut up and open the doors thats all you can do".

 

I know the night probably wasnt fun for him and nobody wants to deal with a sick drunk when they are trying to sleep but i just feel like he was being a total jerk. It wasnt even like he was mad at her...he just kept acting like everything he was saying was funny.

 

Now Im afraid that he will try to get her to stop being friends with me or something. Also I dont know what to tell her if she asks what i thought about her boyfriend. I mean i dont think i would tell her that i think he is a jerk but still i feel weird lying and telling her he is great!

 

What should i do???? p.s. sorry this turned out so long but thank you for your help guys!!!

 

Ok classical cenario of someone treating your best friend bad ---- What I would do I invite them again to talk and so much. When your best friend goes away from her so called boy friend I would make it really clear and simple that if my best friend says that he treated her unfair he better not be anywhere close coz I would cause him extreeme physical discomfort-- pain.

 

Same thing happened to me - bf of my best friend who was also a girl, was treating her extreemely bad in front of me so I almost broke his hand that day because he went to new hights tried to hit her in front of me. He was sorry he ever treated her bad. Real men don't let their friends get pushed around instead they stand up for them and help.

 

I think all you should do is show that guy who you really dont like - that he should be extreemly careful when he talks to your best friend because there will be consequences and they will sertainly will not be any good for him.

[shylover]

Be honest. You owe that much to her for being her closest friend. Just choose your words carefully and be more sensitive with what she'll feel.

 

 

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Amanda

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